A
female
age
30-35,
*essicaStarDust
writes:Please help me.My husband cheated on me 6 months ago, lets just say i saw it from a third person view. So i saw everything.He and I have been trying to build our marriage again to what is was like but better. I do love him but I do look at him differently My question is how do i stop remembering? How can i forget and move on please...Since all this i have just been lost. A part of me wants him to feel what i have and do feel, but i will not do this... I simply can not cheat. God please help me, i have not slept well since. Please..
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male
reader, empty-1 +, writes (2 September 2012):
This will take time. And effort. And pain. And perseverance. Did I mention time?My wife was unfaithful. I'll spare you all the nitty gritty's, but it's horrendously painful. Sometimes, though, knowing that others have hurt with this pain, and come through the other side can help.It's been three and a half years since her affair. I am healing, and we are healing our marriage. Nothing is ever going to be like it was before. However, that doesn't have to be a bad thing. You can make it better, if he's willing to help. For the next several more months at least you will have visuals, flashbacks, panic attacks, bouts of anxiety, and heart rending, gut wrenching pain.However, father time can heal even this. All you have to do is get through it. Sounds so simple doesn't it? The reality is, of course anything but simple.You need to ave a frank, loving, but firm conversation with him. Let him know first and foremost that you are unbelievably wounded, hurt to the core, and that is it his fault. Next, make him understand that you have no trust left in him. It is important that he make ongoing, long term, and never failing effort to re establish that trust.Let him know that if he wants you to stay, things must be a certain way. He needs to understand your pain, and do what he can to help the healing process.He needs to understand that the healing process happens over YEARS, not days, weeks, or even months.You, also, need to be patient with yourself. The psychological and physiological earthquake you've been through is going to leave you feeling very unsure of your footing for a long time to come. Don't get down on yourself for making progress so slowly sometimes it feels like you're stuck. You will get better, agonizing inch by agonizing inch.Three and a half years later, I still sometimes feel the need to drop in randomly from work, or otherwise check up on her whereabouts and goings on. I still sometimes feel the need to voice suspicion, pain, doubt, and even anger.Those times are getting fewer and further between. I am able to sleep again. however, it takes time.Did I mention it will take time?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2012): Was he genuinely regretful after cheating? If so, then he will have felt what you feel. When you hurt a loved one, you also feel the hurt yourself, so you know how it feels.
Its unlikely you will ever forget what happened, but you can learn to put it behind you and move on. You also need to forgive him too because if you don't, you will always feel resentment towards him and hold this against him.
The best way to put this behind you is to accept that it happened, and keep reminding yourself it was a horrible phase in your marriage which has now passed, and will not be repeated. If you want to move forward its absolutely necessary to put the past in the past and leave it there.
I'm thinking marriage counseling will benefit you GREATLY, and I would suggest it.
Good Luck!
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