A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I are in a really great relationship. We met at college and since we grew up in different towns, he goes back home for his summer vacations so we don't get to spend a lot of time together. I have used the free time away from him to spend time reading, listening to music and just really keeping my independence so I don't get depressed and dependent on him while he is gone. Recently, I have developed a crush on someone that works at a bookstore at my school and I have found myself going back regularly just to catch a glimpse of him. I don't even know his name but I find I am even starting to fantasize about him while I masturbate. I don't have any plans to talk to the guy from the bookstore but I know it's really exciting to think about him. Is something like this normal? I have no plans to act on my attraction towards this beautiful man but I do fantasize about him almost regularly (and more so than anyone else) I have never really thought about my own boyfriend when I masturbate because it just has never felt right. Any suggestions as to why I'm thinking about that man so much in my healthy, committed relationship?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 September 2013):
 you are pretty normal IMO.... as long as it does not over take your life...
being partnered does not make us dead to the rest of the world.
A
female
reader, YoungButNotNaive  +, writes (17 September 2013):
 As long as you're able to keep fantasy and reality separate, no harm done. The fact you don't know him is precisely what allows your imagination to run so wild. You get to fill in the blanks, so to speak. That's what makes it so exciting.
On the other hand, if you're thinking of nothing but this guy, and you think this is turning into an obsession, then I recommend only going to the bookstore when you genuinely need to. No more going in just to see him. Crushes are normal and healthy, obsessions are not.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2013): That you don't know him is the very reason he is good fantasy fodder. Familiarity breeds contempt, is a slogan well thought out.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (17 September 2013):
 When I was at university there was this despicable guy who was a member of one of the clubs I joined. The man was an absolute ogre in terms of looks and behaviour. I never felt the urge to go out on a date with him, but OMG I had the best fantasies about him. I found it so odd that I would fantasize about a man who repulsed me in real life. I don't think what you're experiencing is harmful in any way. The bookstore man is a pleasant distraction like a movie or a good book.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 September 2013):
 I think it's normal to have crushes through out your life - on actors, strangers, even familiar faces (not family but familiar people).
The thing is there is a line in there somewhere where it can go from a crush to an obsession and that fine line you need to watch. Because it can be really destructive for a relationship if one partner is "chasing" a fantasy figure on the side, so to speak. You need to keep yourself in check and in REALITY.
As for him popping up in your imagination when you masturbate, well again I don't think it's strange.
Just because you are in a committed relationship doesn't mean you went blind and NEVER noticed a handsome/attractive guy any more.
But I DO suggest you keep the crush to yourself.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (17 September 2013):
 Fantasy is actually a healthy thing(I'm told) as long as you don't focus too much on the fantasy.
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