A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating a girl for 2 years. Everything was perfect, until I met a girl about 8 months ago who I slept with, roughly twice a month, for 6 months. I have only physical feelings for this girl and do not love her what so ever. I have been faithful for the past two months, but in my heart I feel if I were tempted to cheat, I would again. My girlfriend (who does not know I've ever cheated on her) definitley senses that I'm distant at times. But I love her, she is amazing to me and I do not know why I cheat. I just found out for certain that my girlfriend began cheating on ME about 2 or 3 months ago, and have not talked to her since I found out, which was 3 days ago. Ultimately, this girl is perfect, and I realize perhaps I drove her to cheat on me, as she sensed I was not emotionally comitted to her all of the time. I'm extremely mad she cheated but I'm also a hypocrit.This girl is beautiful, loves me to death and we're completely compatible, but she cheated because I did not express my love for her as deeply as she always expressed it for me. So, 2 Questions:Why am I cheating on a girl who is so perfect for me?Will she cheat on me again if I extened my full love to her and be faithful to her? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): i agree pretty much with everyone... your girlfriend and your relationship is not perfect if you need to find things outside... i know this because i thought my situation was perfect but it's sort of deteriorated now and it's probably better to try and get some distance from everything and think it over... possibly take a brak from both girls... then maybe your girlfriend will stop cheating and you will want to commit to her properly:)
A
female
reader, growing  +, writes (9 May 2008):
 You have already got such detailed answer so i would just be straight.
She might cheat again if she is not getting physical and emotional satisfaction from you.she cheated before for the same reason and is most likely to cheat again for that resaon so what you can do is the way she loves you ,you should reciprocate in same way.
You went around with this other gal just for physical stuff that indicates that you are not having healthy sex life or may be you just wanted to try some new things as months of sex with same person gets boring.but hey,you didnt like the idea of her cheating you so you know you did wrong.
To make your sex life rockin ,is in the hands of you two.just talk out,discuss your fantasies and try out every crazy thing.
This is what i felt about your question.
...............................
A
female
reader, Isabella1974  +, writes (9 May 2008):
 Hi there, everything is clearly not perfect if you are both cheating on each other. There is a sense that you have both reach the end of this relationship and neither of you want to let go. Your girlfriends must have sensed something, that you were being unfaithful to her.
People dont cheat, or ever feel the need to cheat if you truly loved someone. Of course, its natural that you find others attractive but it when you act on it thats when its wrong. If you truly loved this girl and she was so perfect for you, you would not have taken that chance of losing her by being with someone else as the though would absolutely devastate you.
You are cheating on this girl because you are not ready to be totally committed to her, you want to play the field. You think she is so perfect for you, but then why do you cheat on her, why is it so easy for your to go off with someone else, there is something missing in your relationship.
in answer to your second question:
Sweety i dont know if she will cheat on you again, your relationship seems to be falling apart, you need to talk with each other and see if its best that you take a break from each other and clear your heads. You are both young so maybe want to go out with other people, but its best to do this when both of you are single.
Good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): Nobody here is capable of being a better judge of her character than you. Her cheating on you may not have anything to do with you, you needn't blame yourself, and you cheating on her probably has nothing to do with her either.
It's the curse man, no matter how perfect, hot, or compatible your girlfriend is with you, you are always tempted to chase other women (at this stage). This isn't about her, you're just not ready to settle down, and neither is she. You need to play the field to get a better idea of what you like and don't like; just have fun, you're not at the stage where you want or need to date each other exclusively. If you wanted a serious relationship then you wouldn't be fooling around elsewhere, and if she wanted something more serious, she wouldn't be either; so you don't have to live under that illusion. If you're both having fun then just enjoy the moment for what it is.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): My husband and I read your problem together. We're about the same age as you, and our responses were very different. I was thinking of karma, and he was saying, "good, they have the best of both worlds". Perhaps you cheat because you enjoy the thrill of being naughty, like smokin in the boys room. The problem is, you got upset with her and made her feel crappy about something you deserved, instead of opening up lines of communication and showing her your dirty laundry. Now it's too late, when you do tell her, it's gonna crush her, not only cause you cheated, but because you made her feel bad for doing it to you. Maybe you guys can call it fair and square. Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): Why am I cheating on a girl who is so perfect for me?
From my own experience i have found there really is a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. Some of the qualities you express about your relationship with your girlfriend seem to be qualities you would find in a lifelong friend, rather than a lifelong romantic partner. I have found that when in a relationship where i feel i am genuinely in love, i have felt no interest in being with anybody else (keep in mind this feeling of being 'in love' can fade over time.. probably meaning the relationship isn't/wasn't meant to be). Perhaps you love girlfriend your girlfriend like a great friend or sister, rather than being in love with her. Maybe it is time to take a break from a romantic relationship with her to sort out your feelings, relationships involving one or both partners being unfaithful don't usually last.
Will she cheat on me again if I extened my full love to her and be faithful to her?
Do you feel that you could honestly do that? And if you did, do you feel is would last long? If your girlfriend has already cheated on you too then she is quite possibly feeling the same way i suspect you are, like the spark has gone and it may be time to move on soon.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): you're cheating because you don't appreciate her and you think she will never leave you. she will, believe me. we all tolerate things until a certain breaking point. and once its reached that breaking point, nothing can get things back to the way they were.
you have to decide what it is you want. if you love her, you should be faithful to her and straighten out your problems. be honest with each other.if you still want to be with other girls, then you should breakup with her.
you are being a big hypocrite if i must say so. u cheat, y should you be upset that she does? like you said, your cheating is the reason she cheated in the 1st place. dont put her through that. she doesnt deserve your games. i honestly think you dont deserve her.
maybe both of you are at a point in your lives that you're not ready for comitment. be honest with each other. maybe you should consider time apart or a breakup.
...............................
|
