A
male
age
30-35,
*he badluck clover
writes:this will be my last time. i need couple more questions answered. my best friend, no my brother, who i grew up with. who was with me since i was 6, died yesterday. he wasnt a blood relative or related to my family in any way but he was my brother, best friend, and all around good guy. we had serious history together. he helped me out when my ex died, he came over to chill every day when i was under house arrest. he committed suicide. he told me lately how unhappy he was with the way things where going. he was just layed off of work around the same time i was. i was supposed to go over to his house to chill and have a good time, to just forget about all the b.s. when i called he didnt answer. i waited a couple hours. than i called again. still no answer. so i called his sister and told her to go wake him up. i got another phone call last night from his mom. she was distraught. she told me he was gone. i havnt talked to anyone since. the funeral is next weekend. i dont know if i can go. should i go? he was only 20 years old. why did he do that? my brother is gone. i dont know how to say this, it might sound selfish but i dont care. how can he leave behind all this pain? im almost angry at him and i feel guilty for it. why am i angry? i find it hard to have faith in any kind of god but i hope all my loved ones are at peace of some sort.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2009): there are 5 stages of grief. 1)denial, 2)anger 3)bargaining 4)depression and 5)acceptance. You may experience a stage only briefly or be stuck in one stage for a longer stretch. It is very, very 'normal' to feel anger. Especially in a death by suicide. I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this loss. Dont think that you could have prevented it. Someone who makes up their mind to do this will find a way eventually, if they get unhappy enough...and happiness...is something that we cant 'give' to someone else. When someone commits suicide they have focused on their own unhappiness so much that they lost sight of the effect that their leaving will have on those that love them. It is a selfish act, which does cause us to feel anger. Try to focus on the good times and good memories.please do not consider doing the same thing...hang in there. May you find comfort in remembering the good times. I hope i have helped in some small way.
A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (11 October 2009):
 My sympathies and compassion go out to you. Anger is a very very common and neccessary part of the grieving process. Especially after a suicide. Suicide is one of those things that leaves just pure confusion and so many questions that simply wont get answered. It is the hardest death a family are sometimes presented with. Its one of those things that robs the survivours of some sort of closure. People who do not understand suicide simply dont commite suicide. Some people consider suicide a selfish act whilst others find that its the people trying to keep the person alive to be the selfish ones. You seem to have been through what can only probably be described as a living nightmare. The anger you may be feeling may not only be because your friend left you, but because you have to deal with another death of someone so close to you. You are left to try and find a way to live without him. You are stronger than him at playing the game of life. Life was too much for him, for whatever reason in his mind he found that the pains of life outweighed the pleasures and that it was not worth it. He did not leave just you with the intent of leaving you. He left the hurt that life brings, but he also left the joys it brings too. Right now you are going through a very dark chapter in the book of your life and you may be feeling that he has really hurt you for possibly not thinking of how you would feel, but in actuallity he probably was thinking people would be better off and happier without him. It is a sad and untrue mindframe.
I would say you really do need to go to the funeral. This is your opportunity to say your final good byes. You are angry and confused right now and those are usually the states when we make the worst decisions. If you do not go, maybe not now, but in the future you may very well regret it. Maybe in time, when you are through this dark and stormy time, you may come to accept your friend chose to close his book early. He wasn't interested in how his story would play out. He was too scared. Try not to be angry at him for his decision. It would be best for you to probably speak to a grief counselor. You need to talk to someone, preferably one who is well trained. It is very unhealthy for your mind to bottle these emotions. They need to be let out. Dont be affraid to cry and know that there are people in your life who love you and people to whom you have yet to offer them your love. The future can become brighter with time and effort.
Stay strong
HonningKanin
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A
female
reader, dididoo +, writes (11 October 2009):
dealing with this will take a lot of time.grief is a tough process. i suggest you talk to people about this, and share your pain and frustration with them.you can also look up the 4 stages of grief on the internet. your anger at him is natural, you're angry that he left and that he made this choice to take away his life.In time, you will learn to forgive him and understand that he didn't do this to hurt anyone, he unfortunately was too weak to deal with whatever it is that he was going through and thought this was the only way. I hope your heart heals soon!
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