A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my wife are fighting again when it should all be rosy and happy and its getting to the point where ive had enough of trying my best to make her happy, she is never happy no matter what i do, she always something to complain about or be dissatisfied overTake today for instance; She text me while i was at work, saying i need to get the 18th off. No reason why, only that it was important. I asked my boss and he said no. He said because we was stretched thin as it as, and the fact we have to give at least 20days notice, he rightly told me no.I told my wife this earlier, and she wasn't happy about it fair enough, that i understand, but then starts to go on about how its my fault and that i could do better.The reason she wanted me to get the day off was to view a house, or at least book an apt to see a house on that day.Nothing i do or try makes her happy anymore and this is just a long list of things that is all my fault and then i get the cold shoulder and treated like i don't have feelings too. I tried to talk to her about it last night, calmly and considerately, but i was in the wrong on that aswell according to her.I make the point to her that she has all the time in the world for social media, so why do i feel like i am a side thought half the time?Is this a lost cause? Because for a while now, i have felt lower than whale turds, i have to talk to my dad about what i feel because she doesn't want to listen to how i might be feeling too. I can't cry anymore as i have no tears left to shed...Somehow, we came back from a time where we actually separated, but it feels like nothing changed for the good like what was promised. Help :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCaringGuy: I did in the past, when we split the first time, say to her that if things don't change, then its over with as its at the stage where i dread even waking up because i just know what the day will entail.I said to her that if it doesn't change, then we're done with,and her reply was that if i want to go, then go, that she won't beg me to stay.. It was only after i decided to go because i was sick of it all, did i see a totally different person come outThe Loving sweet girl i know her to be came out and after a fair few very long conversations, we reconciled and things were good for a while, but its back to what it was. Where i can't say anything remotely connected to what i feel, yet im expected to shit my mouth and listen when she wishes t talk, but not about the problems we have, but something far less important. Non the less, i do it. Ciara293: Again, thank you for thoughts, as many possibles as i can get will helpI've tried on many occasions to talk to her, calmly, caring and non confrontational and all, yet the result is always still the same; A fight that feels it could be named WW3Annon Reader: Whenever i ask her if something is bothering her, if she is ok, i get a mouth full of hell in reply saying to stop asking her and so forthI couldn't listen to her more if i tried. We've had many talks of late, instigated by her on various subjects, and i listen and have the conversation as i know its something to her by way of feelings, but its always something that could wait (IMO) as we have a more pressing matter to deal with yet im the only one that raises this and its barrel load in reply and i have to walk away or it never ends.. One of her usual replies also, is that she is who she is and i have to accept that. I can't expect her to change and so on.. I ask her what that is supposed to mean, and i get n answer apart from that im irritating her and insulting her.. While i do love her, and that won't ever change, my emotional stability is almost non existent and to the point now where i seriously doubt i can endure more of it. When we split the last time, i felt such a relief yet i was sad and upset because the woman i love so much was no longer part of my life in the way she should be till we die old.
A
female
reader, Ciara293 +, writes (10 May 2012):
You seem as though you really care about your wife, but she seems to take you for granted!
Sit her down and just tell her straight, dont let her interupt you and just say how you really feel.
Keep doing this untill you feel as though she has listened, dont be afraid to show emotion and if that doesnt work maybe call a break for a while so she can realize how much she cares for you!
Hope things work out, let me know
Ciara x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2012): something is bothering her, and it probably has nothing to do with you....it does not make her behavior acceptable, but there is surely something bigger going on.Don't throw in the towel...for better or worse...you are seeing her at her worst, and you love her enough to know something is wrong and you are concerned.Approach her in a non-confrontational way, when she is relaxed and "seemingly" happy...and explain to her that you are feeling that something is really bothering her and you love her and you want to help her. Women do not need for men to fix it for them, they need to be heard....if she cannot express what is deeply bothering her, suggest you go to a marriage counselor because your marriage means that much to you to work this out...she then has an opportunity to try and work out the behaviors you have been noticing and how she as been acting and reacting to situations and an impartial party can point out how she can react in a more appropriate and mature manner and a better way to deal with stresses because she will only resent the information if it comes from you. Marriage counseling can be both couples and going separately.You can also ask her what YOU can do to make things better...you may feel you are doing all the right things and she is constantly shooting you down (dont throw that in her face), but like I said, it is something deeper that you may not understand or do not realize is happening...I am speculating of course, but just trying to open this bigger for you to see that it is probably something else.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (10 May 2012):
Hmm. Tough one. I'd say that you need to issue an ultimatum at this stage. You seem to have put up with a lot, and it does come across that she is demanding. I'm sure there's a lot more you're telling us.
What actually makes this clearer is that you've already separated before, and come back on the promise that things would get better. They haven't.
I would say that you need to issue an ultimatum - tell her things either change, or that's it. And this time, mean it. You're too young to be stuck in a dead end marriage to a drama queen.
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