A
male
age
36-40,
*rue
writes:Hi, this post could get long, however I would appreciate it if you guys could help me. This situation is absolutely horrible, and I don't know what to do.I've been going out with my girlfriend for just under 2 years (Anniversary on the 15th of this month). We've always had a great time, and have spent a LOT of time together. We're 25 and 24, so we're not young. We used to spend 5 nights atleast together every week, for the majority of that time once we got to know each other well.She moved in with her friend 3 months ago, and me and this friend have never gotten along (Pretty much she flirted on my girlfriend's phone with some guy they went to school with pretending to be my gf, haven't liked or trusted her since then). She has problems with boys, and at the moment is seeing 2 at once. She always wants my girlfriend to go out and get drunk with her, even though my gf doesn't really want to because she's happy just having a quiet one with me, or something similar. She has a few times. My girlfriend has always said she wished so badly that it was us that could move out, before she even moved in with this girl, and I felt the same. I'm just not financially ready i'm a student (Nursing), and am qualified in 3months time. So i'm still living at home.Anyway, I spend 2 nights at their house every week, which is not ideal for me and my girlfriend but i don't want to impose on her housemate, and when I am there, I always used to engage with the housemate, saying, oh did you want to watch something on the tv, did you need this or that, etc. Always was very polite, even though I never got shown it in return and she did whatever she wanted without talking to me and my girlfriend about it/asking what we wanted to do. She used to always stomp around, and my girlfriend told me act completely different when I'm there.I just continued being nice, and not really worrying to much. Don't really care what she thinks of me, too be honest. She got 'sick', and went into hospital for chest pains overnight. She didn't tell my girlfriend she was in hospital, or anything. My gf saw it on facebook the next day.. And the housemate pretty much ignored her for 5 or so days, and didn't tell her what was up. My girlfriend was very worried for her, because my gf is a good person. I could just see it was manipulative behaviour and didn't get involved. After she came back, she laid down the law and said a lot of things need to change. When my gf told me this i smirked, because my gf is the one who does the majority of the housework anyway. And it emerged that she thinks I need to pay rent, because I 'live there", even though none of my possessions are there, I never eat any of their food, unless it's solely my girlfriends, I never use the living space now, dont shower there and on top of everything it was pre-arranged between them that I was allowed to stay 2 nights at that house. I stayed a bit more for a few weeks because my father was critically ill in hospital, (but has since recovered). I also didn't stay much for a couple of weeks because my girlfriend was working nightshift.. It all balances out. I took offence to this, and defended it, and all she kept saying was 'Oh it's so funny because you don't understand'.. She then said that I was weird because i'm not close to my girlfriends friends.. Which showed she really had no ammunition.She deleted me off facebook after saying her only problem with me was that I don't 'contribute' to the house. (I mowed the horrendously overgrown lawn, without even a thankyou or anything from her, why would I bother?)After she deleted me, I wrote her this message. Eagerly awaiting her response. It never cameSo you have a go at me about 'not being close enough to _'s friends' (which for the record I think is nothing concerning you, I don't judge anything you do with your life and relationships...????)You claim you are wanting to sort out any issues so that its more comfortable for you two to live there,and yet after the discussion last night, including you judging myself, with NO retaliation... you delete me off of facebook? Isn't that a bit of a hypoocritical move... Considering you said it was 'weird you're not closer to _'s friends'? You both had an agreement at the start and it should not concern me at all, it is between you two. I only come over when _ wants me to.Obviously there is something else happening here rather than just 'you spend too long here'.Sick of the drama and it needs to be sorted out. You're causing _ and I a whole lot of unrequired and easily avoidable stress, and obviously yourself. Speak up about what is really bothering you.I sent this message 2 weeks ago, and she still hasn't responded, or said anything to my gf. Whenever i'm there now I ignore her, dont even say hello, and my gf has been getting frustrated saying it's 'rude'. We've been in big fights recently. I'm just not sure what to do.I have talked to some of my girlfriend and i's friends (who don't know the housemate) and they think this is all ridiculous and that this girl is just jealous and trying to cause drama and a break up so that she has my gf all to herself to go out drinking and flirting with guys every weekend. And that what she is doing is not fair at all and my gf is within her right to have me there a reasonable amount during the week.Thank you for reading this. And I eagerly await hopefully some responses! Fingers crossed!P.S we have a holiday booked for 2 nights for our 2 year anniversary in 3 days including getting a massage and other nice things right near the beach... Do you think it would be wise to go ahead with this given how tense everything is at the moment?
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a break, anniversary, drunk, facebook, flirt, jealous, living at home, moved in, roommate Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Krue +, writes (11 May 2012):
Krue is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answer.
Yes it's a 1 year lease, and there is 9months left on it. My girlfriend had a mental breakdown because she felt bad still living with her parents, as cool as they are. She just wanted to move out, and rushed it with this girl, even though I said it was a bad idea. She will just have to learn.
Things get worse though because she also can't as easily come over to my house anymore, because I got her a kitten. So she always has to bring it with her here, because her roommate refuses to look after it. We have to put it into a cattery while we're away, again because she refuses to look after it. Even though my girlfriend would 100% if the roles were reversed, atleast when we go away..
She was talking about terminating the lease ages ago when the BS first started, but before it was involving me. It's only gotten worse and now for some reason my gf is defending her to the end. Not sure what changed, I think she's scared to be left with the expensive lease on her own.
I'm going to turn into an alpha male about this BS and say you cant do this to me i'm your other half and look at how shes treating me.. oh and its half your house too dont forget that you can do whatever the hell you want. No more Mr. Nice guy, enough is enough. You think that sounds liek a good plan?
We are going away, and infact, tonight going to buy jewelry after she finishes work for our anniversary, so things are okay at the moment, just no fantastic like they should be.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 May 2012):
 I am just curious how much this girl would charge for one night there. It is your girlfriend's house too she should have a say about guest rules. That's something to be determined before moving in. I just don't understand how your girlfriend could be her friend after she pretended to be her using her phone to flirt with guys. Your girlfriend should be more on your side. She should get her priorities straightened out. Did she sign a 1 year lease or could she move out whenever she wants to? Could she move back in with her parents? I don't see any benefits of her living with that "friend." It sounds like she can't wait to be independent from her parents and would rather live with someone she doesn't like. I guess she thinks her independence is more important than your feelings. Your friends are right, she is jealous.
Your goal is to help your girlfriend realize that moving out is her own idea, and not that because you stepped in and messed up their friendship. You should be patient and let them blow up.
You should go to the vacation. Whether she wants to go it's up to her.
Perhaps your girlfriend could stay at your place, or you meet with her at a public place only?
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