A
female
age
30-35,
*andy apples
writes:My boyfriend and i zak have been off an on for almost 8 months. Well, ous relationship has been full of alot of good things and there has been many heart breaking moments. We just found out that we're having a baby and i told my parents and they're a little disappointed but they say they're gonna be there for me. Zak told me he was happy but i just found out that he hasnt told anyone in his family about the baby or about me being his girlfriend except his mom. This whole time i thought his family knew about me and it turns out they never heard of me or the baby. Prior to this we talked about getting married and moving in together so i dont understand how im a big secret. About an hour ago i broke up with him. I feel like i did that right thing but im not sure. Can someone tell me why i had to be a secret when im carrying his child?
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male
reader, Rogerramjet  +, writes (22 July 2009):
Could be just a personality thing. I have to admit that when i start relationships with women, it takes me a VERY long time (at least a couple of months) before i even mention it to anyone in my family.Not sure why. Part of it is just that i feel kind of awkward/embarassed talking to my family about dating. It's just something that, as a family, we never really did. When i found out my girlfriend was pregnant (literally weeks before i think i was probably going to decide that we were done and breaking up because our lives just weren't headed in the same direction), it took me a good 5 months to come out and tell my parents and family. Part of it was because i was terrified. Part of it was because i know many members of my family didn't like the girl. Part of it was because we had had ups and downs, too, and i wasn't sure if the relationship would even continue.If there were alot of ups and downs (potential breakup moments?), maybe he was thinking long and hard about whether he wanted the relationship to continue or no? Especially with a baby in the picture?I'm not trying to make excuses, or apologize for his behaviour (i think i was very wrong for not telling my family sooner, in hindsight). Just trying to provide what may be going on in his head.What my girlfriend did with me was give me an ultimatum: She was having this baby. If i wanted to be with her on this, fine. If not, she could do it on her own and didn't need me if i wasn't there to provide my full support.I have to admit that, in hindsight, i admired her for having that courage. I was petrified, myself.One thing to note: I think alot of couples DO hold off on telling people they're pregnant until a couple months into the pregnancy, simply to not jinx anything, healthwise, ya know?But i would imagine alot of the not telling was probably out of fear...
A
female
reader, TheAgonyAunt  +, writes (22 July 2009):
 Only he knows why he kept you a secret, I'm afraid none of us can really tell you for sure.
The only reason I could think of would be he was embaressed of you? Otherwise I can't understand why he would make your relationship and baby a secret? If he loved you he should be celebrating your relationship and you having a baby.
It sounds like a wise decision to brake up with him if he is going to keep your relationship a secret, especially .
I think you need to talk to him about his.
Hope I helped.
x
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