A
male
age
51-59,
*damcovfan
writes:Why after 15 years of blissful marriage have I just started to look at my wife and ask myself do I fancy her any more. It has just started and driving me crazy, I can't talk to anyone as I don't want to upset her, I love her to bits . I just want to feel the same as I did last week. I'm 42 and think it might be mid life crissis. It's scary. HELP!!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (5 January 2009):
 That's just fine but if you think you are truly losing control the anti-depressants can really help. You are monitoring yourself very closely and very well so if you see some serious "slippage" get your butt back to the doc's, okay? The holidays can be problematic for lots of people, I know I'm glad they are over and everything can get back to normal. I'll be thinking about you and please keep us posted.
A
male
reader, adamcovfan +, writes (5 January 2009):
adamcovfan is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyeah offered anti depressants but i refused for now prefering the self help side of it .maybe christmas and all that made me have a bad spell fell a lot better this afternoon.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (5 January 2009):
Did the doctor prescribe any medications to help you through this?
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male
reader, adamcovfan +, writes (5 January 2009):
adamcovfan is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni'm still having thease negative thougts .reading up on line its a kind of depression . im doing a course online at livinglifetothefull. its frightening really to have these bad images and thoughts about the women i have worshipped for the past 17 years or so. its like a get a bad image and my mind panics.we make love regulary so that in its self says i do desire her. i just wish i cvould turn the clock back two months and feel normal getting on with my life as it used to be instead of racking my brains out asking myself why am i thinking like this. example the other day we had dinner at my mums house and i looked at my wife thinking what you doing here!.im worried the for the future in case i say somthing i don't really mean and push her into the arms of another and i lose the lot wife house kids and the dog.i can sort of make sense of it all now but at the start a few weeks ago it was terrible. many thanks for coments and advise cheers adam.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2008): There is much hope to come out of this. I went through depression, and it felt like I was in a pit looking up and wanted out. I felt like I was watching everyone around me living life but me. It's like your brain is telling you, 'you need to deal with something, love' because I realized it was basically SUPRESSED EMOTIONS and FEELINGS. If there's one thing I want to stress, it's that discovery. When something traumatic happens in your life, you NEED to feel all the emotions: hurt, confusion, anger, Grief/Grieve, sadness...and the last is HOPE. and Pray it out, or Tell a trusted friend or family member! Don't let pride get in the way like myself. Mental problems are JUST as important as physical. We are body, mind, and soul. Each part needs attention and care. I hope when you feel better, you can say:
"I love my wife more now, than when I first met her" She is a treasure.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (8 December 2008):
Sounds like you are getting a handle on the situation. Like I said before it's a good thing you were so on top of things so you didn't let it spiral out of control.
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male
reader, adamcovfan +, writes (8 December 2008):
adamcovfan is verified as being by the original poster of the questiondoctor told me im haviong anxiety attcks about losing my dad /possibly my job and the next thing my wife. which in reallity wont happen but my anxiety is making me think different like irational which has helped me understand it all . also had two better days on the trott .
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 December 2008):
Tell your doctor exactly what you have told us, I'm sure most doctors will be able to address your concerns with many viable options for you to consider. You are fortunate that you were able to determine that something was not right early on, problems like this can become quicksand. Make that appointment today, and please keep us posted.
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male
reader, adamcovfan +, writes (1 December 2008):
adamcovfan is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyoure right she's just come home from work looking absolutly stunning and iv'e been looking at her with puppy dog eyes . but then in the bath the negative image of her returned and i started getting scared. i have started talking to her blaming my dad's death and work so she's very understanding and willing to help me telling me to go to the doctors.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 December 2008):
You have decided to do the correct thing, it really sounds like you are having panic attacks and it just is focused on your wife, but most likely has nothing to do with her or your feelings for her, more likely it's strain at work, your father's death, and just life's struggles. I know when my husband lost his father it manifested in panic attacks and excessive worry/depression, and it was almost a year later. Get yourself checked out, you'll be fine Buddy.
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reader, adamcovfan +, writes (1 December 2008):
adamcovfan is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni think im feeling so low and depressedi've made an appointment to see the doctor . i know you car'nt stop loving or fancying someone overnight. i think there must be an underlying problem which has bourght this out .i have sort of told my wife i feel really low and im not eating and could cry at the drop of a hat.there have been lots of redunancies at my work that as been playing on my mind as we have big mortgage and two kids. also i never grieved my dads sudden death nearly five years ago .icouldn't cry as i had to hold iot together for my mum who had lost her dad only eight weeks prior to losing her husband my dad.but i think negative feelings about my wife have inploded on me .
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female
reader, AskEve +, writes (30 November 2008):
 You need to change your mindset. Instead of thinking about the negative things about her think of positive things. Think to yourself all the good times you've had together, how she's been there for you when you've been sick, how you've battled the hard times as a team and you're still together, how she's been loyal to you and totally exclusive. If you continue with your negative thinking then negativity is all you're going to get back so instead change all of that around by thinking POSITIVE thoughts about her.
Remember, you're growing older too and she might not see you as the young stud she did all these years ago either. Eddie gave you very good advice when he said that beauty is only superficial and fades with age. Okay, so maybe she's not her best first thing in the morning... SO WHAT!!! Are you??? Go out and buy her the biggest bunch of flowers you can afford! Surprise her with them and tell her that's for being the best wife a man could ever want. Let her see after all these years just how much you appreciate her and put an end to these thoughts.
Instead be happy that she is still a part of your life and chose you... and embrace that!
~Eve~
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male
reader, adamcovfan +, writes (30 November 2008):
adamcovfan is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni seem to have a image of her in my head not looking her best and it wont go away. so round and round it goes. and i keep feeling so guilty just by having negative thourts may be im slightly depressed i dont know. but then i keep looking at her to reassure myself she is lovely its like im going mad i just want to clear my head of these thourts but dont know how i feel like a wiedo at the moment.
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reader, petina1 +, writes (29 November 2008):
 Don't beat yourself up about it. Enjoy the years you have left together. You sound a very loyal husband and your wife is really very lucky for you to be questioning like you do. Maybe you've had many years of struggle and now you are thru it all you are now counting the blessings you have. Maybe a chat with your doctor could help you could be going through some kind of underlying body change or anxiety and its making you a bit paraoid. hope this helps.
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reader, adamcovfan +, writes (29 November 2008):
adamcovfan is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe is my best mate too.
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reader, adamcovfan +, writes (29 November 2008):
adamcovfan is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't want another women. I want to spend the rest of my life with the one I've got. I'm sick with worry. It's as if I'v'e taken her for granted not taking that much notice and now all of a sudden I am. It's starting to make me feel ill with worry. At times I feel like I'm distant and looking in, like I'm going mad.
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reader, eddie  +, writes (29 November 2008):
 I think you may be going through a mid life type of crisis. What exactly do you mean about wondering if you still "fancy" her as much as you used to? Do you mean you question yourself about her physical beauty? Are you trying to compare her to a twenty year old? If you are, she will probably not match up. Perhaps her body isn't as tight as it was or maybe she's aged. So have you.
Can you not put a different spin on this? My wife is soon to be 45. She happens to be at the top of the scale as far as looks go. She's modeled and gets looked at ALL the time, EVERYWHERE we go. She is also a very decent lady. I've come to find women of her age very desirable and attractive. At the same time, I can still see raw beauty in younger women. What I don't see in the younger women is the life experience I get from my wife. I can still be attracted to younger, fit women but I actually feel awkward noticing.
My point is that you won't fancy her like you used to. Things change and it can even be for the better. You need to keep your lives active and interesting. I also think you need to deal with this and let her know, at least a little bit of what is going on. It is possible you could start obsessing over this and it could consume you. Get a grip on it as soon as you can. If you can't do it alone, get help.
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reader, adamcovfan +, writes (29 November 2008):
adamcovfan is verified as being by the original poster of the questionits as if a subconcience has been woken up . we both have grown older and i just noticed differences in her appearence older but still atractive but i keep looking at her and sking myself do i fancy her like i used to when we were younger?. i want these feelings to go away as i love her and feel like im betraying her just for even thinking such things. its like i have a demon in me who comes and go's and i don't lie him .this has started like a few days ago like im going mad .when my mind is occupied and im not thinking about it im fine . ikeep wanting to cuddle her and kiss her due to guilt feelings .is it my age ? i car'nt disscuss this with her .tell her oh by the way i keep looking at you to see if i fancy you any more . the answer is always yes but why do i keep tormeting my self and keep thinking about it help!.
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reader, eddie +, writes (29 November 2008):
It is probably because your relationship has become routine. This is very common and normal. It is impossible to be with one person for your entire life and not have some emotional peaks,valleys, outside attractions and many other things.
The most important thing is that you realized this was happening. Now you can deal with it. You don't need to be so blunt as to hurt your wife's feelings but you should at least talk to her. Focus on your marriage, history, memories and all the good things you've gone through. This is not a sign that you are out of love but a reminder that you need to spend some time nourishing what you have shared and rekindling the flame.
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reader, petina1 +, writes (28 November 2008):
Whenever i need to regroup with my hubby, we usually plan a day out just for the two of us. Just to the coast to walk talk, have lunch etc. Gives us the chance to get to know each other all over again. No washing up, chores, family stuff, just us. Go a little mad and if you can afford it stay in a B&B. Bit of romance goes a long long way. hope this helps.
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