A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was a virgin up until my honeymoon last week. I thought my wife was also a virgin but came to find out otherwise after she and I split a bottle of champagne in the hot tub of our resort. She insisted that no guy could abstain from sex and was convinced that I had sex before our marriage. She told me that she used to let boyfriends finger her to orgasm and she would give them hand jobs in return. I think she told me that to get me to open up to her.So... I told her of one experience I had when I was 6 years old with my neighbor (she was my age) and her older cousin (about age 12). Her cousin had a cartoon book on how girls develop and how babies are made and asked us if we wanted to try it. So we all stripped down naked in her basement play room. I layed down on my neighbor and just stared nervously into her eyes, as did she back at me. Her cousin instructed me to move back and forth on her, which I did and naturally I got an erection. As I recall, my neighbor felt it get hard which made her smile and made me blush. I rubbed back and forth for a while but that was it. Then her older cousin said it was her turn, so I did the same. However, since my penis was erect this time it slid inside her. It felt so warm and soft, so I stayed there and rubbed back and forth for quite a long time. I knew that it felt nice but did not know why. I think she really liked it and may have orgasmed (she moaned and squeeked) but eventually I lost my erection and slid out of her. It felt good, but I did (could) not have an orgasm.My side of this is that I was only 6 and was not a sexual being yet, so even though my penis was inside a vagina it did not count, because I did not understand what I was doing, hence I was a virgin up until my honeymoon. I claim that my wife is not a virgin since as a mature woman she had sexual encounters with boys that led to orgams for both of them. She claims the opposite, since my penis was the first "inside" of her and everything else involved hands and fingers.I want to put this issue to rest and want unbiased opinions so we can figure out who is correct. I know it seems immature, but this seems to be a stumbling block right now in our relationship.
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cousin, erection, hand-job, immature, my penis, orgasm, vagina Reply to this Question
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (29 September 2009):
 I'd have to say neither one of you is a pure virgin. But then again, what difference does it make?
The two of you obviously have a lot more ahead of you than some burning question about what constituted coital sex, or just sexual experiences without any real or appreciable impact on the people you were when you met.
I'd have to say if you let this question hound your marriage, neither one of you is every going to be happy! And the way I understand it, last I looked, people get married so they can be happy together. If I'm wrong, then well so be it.
Seriously, what you're saying here is that its a petty squabble. Lets put it this way. Technically the two of you are coital virgins. Realistically, you both had sexual experiences, not that any cherries got popped rightly.
A
female
reader, old-spinstah  +, writes (28 September 2009):
I don't think either of you were virgins. Or maybe you both were. Either way it really isn't worth arguing about. It's in the past. You should be planning your future...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): agreed. Your wife is the virgin. To break virginity your penis needs to be in a vagina (regardless of age). Whether anyone orgasmd is irrelevnant.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): Ooooh. Tough question. I would say technically one is not a virgin after they have had a sexual experience with another person. Not just intercourse. It's about being a "virgin" with regard to sexual experiences, not just intercourse only.
After all, are actively sexual gay men and lesbians who never experienced sex through penis/vaginal intercourse considered virgins? I think not. A gay man who's had oral and anal sex is NO virgin.
As a girl, I must go against my sister and say you are correct. You placed your penis inside a vagina but did not have a "sexual" experience. You did not comprehend the significance of what you were doing. Your wife, however, had several guys finger her to orgasm and it sounds like she stroked a fair number of penises herself. She experienced sexual intimacy with another person and at that moment lost her virginity. You did not.
Put this disagreement aside and move on. You were a virgin and she was not. Big deal. Grow up. If you bicker about this little crap, what will it be like when something important comes along. Like her getting fingered by the mailman... just kidding! Had to say that!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (28 September 2009):
 My vote is that your wife is the virgin and you are not. Just because you were too young to ejaculate you still had intercourse.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): I agree with Old Guy on all points.
She's pulling the typical female excuse for any amount of promiscuity - As long as one man on earth has done it, that means it's fair to hold it against all men.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): Bummer for you....webster's dictionary defines virginity as
Main Entry: 1vir·gin
Pronunciation: \'v?r-j?n\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French virgine, from Latin virgin-, virgo young woman, virgin
Date: 13th century
1 a : an unmarried woman devoted to religion b capitalized : virgo
2 a : an absolutely chaste young woman b : an unmarried girl or woman
3 capitalized : virgin mary
4 a : a person who has not had sexual intercourse b : a person who is inexperienced in a usually specified sphere of activity a virgin in politics
5 : a female animal that has never copulated
according to definition 4, we must further define sexual intercourse, also webster's dictionary :
Main Entry: sexual intercourse
Function: noun
1 : heterosexual intercourse involving penetration of the vagina by the penis : coitus
2 : intercourse (as anal or oral intercourse) that does not involve penetration of the vagina by the penis
So, according to definition 4 of virgin and definition 1 of intercourse, your wife was a virgin as she was not previously penetrated by a penis, conversly, you were not a virgin as you had previously penetrated a vagina with your penis.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): You know that this is a really unproductive argument, right?
The pedantic answer is that she was the virgin, not you.
Her sexual experience is far more relevant than yours, though, technical virginity aside.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 September 2009):
You are a virgin until you have sexual intercourse, which means a penis in a vagina.
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