A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been engaged for 6 months to a man who has doted on me for the last 4 years.He literally would do absolutely anything for me. We have a wonderful life together...we always cuddle, text, call, miss each other and go travelling lots, his house is paid off and I have a feeling of stability...In many peoples eyes I appear to have the perfect life. Only last month I had my 5 year plan written out - we we are going travelling again at christmas for 6 months then coming back saving for the wedding abroad, travelling some more, moving to the countryside and than having children. Unfortunately that is still not enough for me :( There is and never has been any chemistry from my side, I love him but am not in love and I really wish I could be. He only wants sex with me once a month which really gets me down and I have stopped initiating due to being rejected. Having everything else that I dreamed off I was willing to sacrifice the intimacy...until recently. Three weeks ago I noticed a man at work who keeps looking at me, our eyes met and the chemistry was something completely out of the world! 3 days later I gave him my number and asked him to call. Three days after that we had a day of passion at a hotel and then we managed to spend the night together a week later. I see him every lunch break at work, we sit in his car and he holds me. Although it's only been 3 weeks it is now much more than the fun I anticipated and I believe that I am in love with him. His wife of 28 years passed away and he remarried 5 years ago to someone he met online but she wanted him just for a visa and treats him like crap ( he's clearly never got over his 1st wife). He wants to set up home with me and build a life together and is out today looking for somewhere for us to live. I have always been attracted to the older man, my partner is 50 but my lover is 60 and the extra ten years are the thing that is putting me off - if he was financially stable if may be different but he holds a lot of debt. I'm 23 years old and just don't know what to do :( All I know is that I can't do this to my Fiance.
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at work, christmas, debt, engaged, fiance, met online, older man, text, wedding Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUnfortunately this is my real life...is it that unbelievable :( my mum said i need help!
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (2 July 2014):
 well ask both of them if it's ok that you have the other to fulfill needs they can't give you... the best of both worlds.
once you come clean and get permission then your problem is solved.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2014): I'm suspicious that this post isn't legitimate. Aunts and uncles, I really think we should concentrate on people who really need our help.
If it is real, good luck to you my dear!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just don't know what to do :( My Fiance are going travelling at the end of the year but i've just booked a holiday with the lover :(
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2014): Think about your next 10 years! you are 33 he is 60 and the lover is 70. Are you going to stay with either of them? I do not think so. Leave both of them!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2014): What are you thinking??? That man of 60 will be impotent before you know it and you are very, very young. It won't be long before you think the same of him. Let go of both. You've already betrayed your fiance and he deserves better. Give yourself some time to grow up before you do this again.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (23 June 2014):
 You don't have a choice anymore. You just betrayed your fiance. You've cheated and destroyed the relationship, and it's only a matter of time before he finds out. The sad part is that you betrayed your fiance by having sex with another cheater who only used you for your body and you're his dirty little secret.
You say you like older guys? You do realize their sex drive isn't the same as a young 20 year old guy's, right? 50's and 60's tend to not rut like rabbits, and it's quality and experience over quantity.
Before you abandoned your fiance, his drop in sex drive could have meant something medical as well.
And this married guy is full of bull. 3 weeks, and he's talking about living with you? That's absolute BS designed to get you into his bed until he's tired of you. His words about his wife mistreating him are false, because only actions speak here. After 5 years, he would have divorced her and not go cheating on her with you in cars.
You flushed a good relationship down the toilet, and now you're using him for his money. If you don't love your fiance, you need to leave him now so as not to waste his time anymore. He needs someone who cherishes him, not just stays with him for his bank account.
You talk about money with both guys, and that's the refrain.
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (23 June 2014):
WOW! You are really jumping in with both feet. Stop, take a breath and focus on what you need to do for YOU. Break away from both of them. From what you write neither of these relationships sound healthy. You have sex with one and financially secure with another. Why don't you look for someone that you can have both with? Makes sense with to me.
You are young, very young. I just don't want you to make a mistake with either.
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A
male
reader, Hnk +, writes (23 June 2014):
 Oh dear me !!!
I am speechless!!
You prefer a man whom you recently met, and I'll like to think about if "three weeks" is long enough !
He just might be feeding you what he wants you to believe ! You don't know the real him !!!
A man who does ANYTHING FOR YOU, and I'm sure if you talk about more intimacy; he'll try his best as well!!
I don't think you deserve to be with your partner at all and you cheated on him for no reason; tell me how is this justified ?
A man with attributes like your partner; women dream and dream but never find! I have heard : it's one in million
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (23 June 2014):
 Is this a real post? Sheesh.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2014): You don't need either of them. You'd marry your fiance just for the benefits; until you just couldn't stand it anymore.
You're only with the other guy at work because of the sex, and your fascination for him is based on getting away with cheating.
You shouldn't lead people on just to use them. You only agreed to your engagement for the financial security.
You really can't see the similarity between you and your co-worker's wife?
She used him to get a visa, you're using your fiance' for vacations; and because he dotes over you. You're both one in the same kind of person.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (23 June 2014):
 If all you know is that you can't do this to your fiancé, then why are you doing this to your fiancé?
There is an old saying, 'cheats never prosper' you are cheating on your fiancé (see there, you CAN do that to your fiancé!) and this man, who doesn't have enough money to attract you, is cheating on his wife.
Seems to me already know you are not going to let this sex on the side go anywhere, you don't want to end it with your fiancé, and the new guy doesn't have enough money.
You answered your question yourself!
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (23 June 2014):
If all you know is that you can't do this to your fiancé, then why are you doing this to your fiancé?
There is an old saying, 'cheats never prosper' you are cheating on your fiancé (see there, you CAN do that to your fiancé!) and this man, who doesn't have enough money to attract you, is cheating on his wife.
Seems to me already know you are not going to let this sex on the side go anywhere, you don't want to end it with your fiancé, and the new guy doesn't have enough money.
You answered your question yourself!
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