A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:boyfriend cheated on me now he cant have any female friends. And im not supposed to have any either but on xbox live im new to it and a guy on there messaged me and said hey so i said hi. My boyfriend got pissed because i talked to a guy and hes not supposed to talk to girls. I told him that i never did any thing for him not to trust me but he said since he cheated on me i have reasons to cheat. I was defending myself but mostly cause i was hurt he dint trust me even though i never did any thing to lose his trust i dont care if i ever talk to that guy on there again but it turned into a big deal im also pregnant with his baby and plan to get married to him soon because i love him with all my heart. But whos in the wrong here?
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male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (15 April 2011):
 You both are wrong here. You can't live your lives completely seperated from the opposite sex and there can't be a relationship with so little trust.
You need to seek a way to regain that trust or it will never work out for you two. His cheating was bad but if you two are to stay together you have to forgive him and move on and he has to not be so defensive towards other guys.
A
female
reader, Inbetweener  +, writes (15 April 2011):
He is in the wrong for cheating, you are in the wrong for allowing him to make the social boundaries. Don't let him control you for his mistake, and don't allow him to project the lack of trust in the relationship onto you. A healthy relationship has to have trust.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 April 2011):
 You are both in the wrong. It is wrong to give rules for your partner on who they can talk to. Either he is a grown up or he isn't, either he can make a judgment himself or he can't. He proved to not be able to stay faithful, and the follow-up to that should be you leaving him. But you didn't, instead you told him not to talk to girls. How did that turn into you not being allowed to talk to guys? You're right in that one, you didn't cheat.
But realize this: him not being allowed to talk to girls isn't preventive of him cheating. It is a punishment you impose on him for his cheating. Then to somehow make it even you agreed to the same punishment for yourself.
Your boyfriend is upset because you agreed to not talking to guys. If you told him you wouldn't, but did, he's got a point. But, I don't get why you aren't allowing him to speak to girls and you speak to boys. Those types of rules are childish, sorry. They do not prevent a person from cheating, quite the contrary. He will now be so deprived from socializing and talking to women, and feeling so trapped down by you, that his eagerness to talk to women and be with them will be even stronger.
Either you trust him or you don't. Controlling him doesn't make you trust him, it only shows that you have no trust in him since you need to control who he talks to. From his point of view, he cheated, so why wouldn't you. He doesn't "see" that some people don't have an interest in cheating because thinking about sleeping with others is a natural thought to him. He lacks that backbone I suppose you can say. And he assumes everyone is the same as him. So he assumes, if you get the chance, you will cheat too. If not for anything then to get revenge on him (which only shows this is something he would consider doing to you if you had cheated first).
If none of you are to be trusted around the opposite sex then you shouldn't be together because that is not a relationship. That is ownership. Fix that, get away from that rule of yours. The problem is not that he cheated or that you talked to a guy, the problem is that you impose rules on each other and don't trust each other. The only way you can be in a happy relationship with him is if you FORGIVE that he cheated and let it be in the past.
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