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*lastow
writes:when a husband asks his wife if she would agree to a wife swap she then says no,then he asks again and she says she will think about it, and then decides she would do so knowing her yes would mean an almost certain swap would then happen. where as the husband although the first to consider it at no point has the power to arrange it until given the ok from his wife.so who is to blame for instigating it?it seems always the husband gets the blame but in reality its the wife who actually makes it happen. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (22 January 2022):
 Strange how defensive some posters can be when they don't get the answer they were hoping for. The truth hurts sometimes. Oh dear. How sad. Never mind.
I would have thought that you would have known better at your age. Just goes to show, we can all be wrong.
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female
reader, jls022 +, writes (22 January 2022):
No-one is saying we’ve not ‘strayed from the righteous path’ as you put it. We’re saying we don’t try to shift the blame to others when we do. I’m glad you and your wife are okay now.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2022): If my husband told me he wants to see me fuck another man, the marriage would be over right then and there. And it would be his fault. I could never trust him again after that. I don't want or need those sexual fantasies in my marriage. It would make me think I was not good enough for my partner. And I would worry about what else he would ask of me and who else he might fuck behind my back because HE was getting BORED with me and our sex life!!! That he needed MORE!! I cannot be NEW again, nor could anyone else in a marriage! Getting married means being monogamous to that person or leave them or have an OPEN relationship but open relationships are a time bomb ticking... just wait until they involve themselves with someone they are more physically attracted to than you or fall in love with, which eventually leaves you in the dust.
If you want to do that stuff, stay single and fuck around in every which way you want OP. That way you don't break your wife's heart. Most wives would never agree to that. And you should be ashamed of yourself for asking. A real man knows what commitment means. You are a just a selfish, self absorbed child in a man's body who wants his cake and eat it. I have zero respect for men like you. Men like you give all men a bad name and the very reason women think all men are pigs!!
It is YOUR fault for needing more in your sex life. For even suggesting something so stupid and destructive to a committed relationship. Read posts here. Most idiots who do this RUIN their relationships! It never turns out well, no matter who suggested the idea!
Want your wife to LOVE the other man? Leave you for him? What if he performs better than you? What if his cock is bigger? What if he gives her 10 orgasms, but you have never been able to do that?? What if she tears clothes off with excitement and then no longer wants to touch you! AT ALL? What is he is the one she will want and you will then TURN HER OFF for GOOD because you did not care about her enough to want her all to yourself??
THINK OP. THINK. Use your BIG HEAD OP. Not the small one, which almost ALWAYS gets men into trouble! Why don't you work on whatever problems YOU have with a therapist to determine why you need to behave like a sexual deviant in your own marriage. And after that, take yourself and your wife to marriage counselling!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2022): I'm sorry, but I thought you asked who's to blame? I thought this was a hypothetical question. Excuse me.
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reader, plastow +, writes (19 January 2022):
plastow is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni am in awe of all those of you who have never ever strayed from the rightous path.nor made a bad decision in your love life.i,m sure many of you have but its easy to make assumptions about people ,maybe because ive not presented all the facts and scenarios leading to this mistake like many of you we had used this kind of thing in our fantasies for sex and with great success.my wife in particular enjoyed when using the other guys name, who we did attempt to swap with.but i,m not going into that as we are now reconcilled into our love once again thank god.to all of you who tried to help with positive comments thank you.you helped us also some of the other comments made me realise even at 74 you can still make mistakes.so thank you all.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 January 2022):
 Oh, do tell FA!
Or link to the post (from another site but the same poster, correct?)
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male
reader, Chip +, writes (18 January 2022):
 If the wife said NO when her husband asked her about swapping, but later said YES, then she should then tell him that he should not be surprised if she finds another man to have sex with. Serves him right and she might even enjoy letting another man enjoy her goodies. Open relationships work well for some, but not too good for others. Time will tell..
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reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (18 January 2022):
 I don't know why I m back here it's kind of like a train wreck. Anyway
You all haven't seen half of the story yet. I don't want to spoil the OP's chance to improve it with this telling. Who knows it may get even more bizarre.
At the face of this telling the answer is certainly that All of the fault falls to him. Here is my reasoning.
He had the fantasy. He was the one stupid enough to bring it up. He didn't listen to wisdom when it was reasonably presented. He issued Carte blanch to his wife to sleep with another man. He was willing to accept any blame at that point. I don't see any reason why he should need to share it now. He gave permission and now wants to rescind it after the fact. That is a dirty punk move.
She is innocent because A. He gave permission. B. He begged her to do it. C. He was all for it until the deed was accomplished. Not a last second regret, a post mortem regret. If she feels any regret it is for how she treated herself, and not for any harm he received.
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female
reader, jls022 +, writes (18 January 2022):
So you’re saying that if someone pesters another person until they do something, it’s the person who finally gives in that is really to blame for that thing then happening?! Come on dude! The person whose idea it was, who wanted it so much they kept asking even after the other person said no, is the instigator. Arguably the wife in your scenario is a mug for not telling her husband to sling his hook, but she wasn’t the cause any of this.
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reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (18 January 2022):
Wow, what a twisted "logic"! You are an idiot for suggesting it in the first place, then for asking again when your wife refused the first time. Poor woman was in a "no win" situation. she couldn't do right for doing wrong. She agreed, so you are unhappy. If she had not agreed, you would be unhappy too.
Be careful what you wish for going forward. Stop being such an idiot.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2022): He's to blame for initiating the swap. If you go through with it, and things go to %@$&; then you're both at fault for messing around with your marriage.
Here's a guy's perspective. If a guy asks his wife's permission to sleep with other women; he's probably not going to always let her know when, and with whom, he's boinking. If you open that door, you can blame yourself when he decides he no longer needs your permission, and decides to freelance. If you would approve of such a deal, then he's taking the same risk.
Maybe you'll end-up being the one deciding to creep outside your marriage. Either-way, if you go along with it...you're both at fault. What's the point of a blame-game if you're both consenting participants?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2022): They are both to blame, but the husband more than the wife.He asked and got a "no " , he did not respect that answer but he asks again ( I would bet, more than just once....) until he wear her down and she says yes. For whatever reason this wife gave her consent ( to get him off her back, or for fear he is going to cheat on her anyway, or to avoid arguments and bad moods etc.etc ) not even the thickest-skulled among the husbands could take this as a free, unpressured,enthusiastic consent.
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reader, kenny +, writes (18 January 2022):
 The husband is to blame, she said NO, it should have been left at that. You asked again, she probably gave the answer that she did to get you off her back. She does not want to go through with anything like this by the sounds of it.
Regardless of who instigated it, if you bring this fantasy to fruition you can kiss goodbye to your marriage.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2022): I would say in this particular case the husband is.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2022): Guess there less of that of that going on these days, but back in the 70s and 80s the rules were a little different. In clubs married guys would target young wives with wedding rings on. Sure it came up in conversation. "What did you think of the guy who hit on you?" We'd talk about it during sex. It seemed we were both flying closer to the flame. But I was the one letting these guys take more liberties - feeling my ass got a little wiggle back. At a party I met a guy I'd do with in a heartbeat. His wife was really into my husband. She said something like 'my Bob might get lucky with your wife. what your thoughts on a swap?" He said she'll never do it, she's just a flirt. Then she said she already agreed if you go with me. -- So it was me. phew -- checked that box once. never again, but no regrets.
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reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (18 January 2022):
Dude,
She faked it to get you off her back. You were completely set up.
You are still an idiot. On both or more relationship forums.
Learn how to capitalize, and put some space between sentences, and FFS change your name between sites.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 January 2022):
I still think the husband is "to blame" if it actually happens.
HE is the one wanting to invite other people into the marriage bed.
HE is also the one who DID NOT respect the wife's NO the first time but kept asking.
Yes, the wife said yes, SO HE WOULD STOP ASKING!
The husband just wanted permission to cheat. That is pretty obvious.
The wife decided you know what, I'll say yes just to shut him up and see if he REALLY will try and do this. After all, SHE can always back out at any point, but she can't seem to make the husband understand that she doesn't REALLY want to do this.
The husband is 100% the idiot.
The wife is 50% the idiot for not telling him no over and over and then leaving his ass if he can't respect her and her no.
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