A
female
age
30-35,
*issoverthinkthings
writes:Hi. I am in a dilemma. My bf lent me his email account to use and he had a contact on there called 'sexy person'. He has has this account for ages do you think it may have already been on there from a long time ago and he just hadnt bothered to delete it? I know in the past when our relationship was really bad he has gone on a website called v******t and put an ad up for a male escort just to see how many replies he would get so do you think this person may be someone who he got with for that reason? He swears he has never spoken to any women and has always been faithful- there were not any messages between him and this person on his email so am i to worry? We are generally very happy and I am quite insecure because we have both done very silly things in the past,which we forgave each other for, but he says he has never gone through with the escorting thing it was just a silly thing he did when he was drunk and broke he signed up. I want to trust him and dont want to end this relationship, if I have no evidence he has done anything am I inclined to believe him? When we were on a break last year I was the one who slept with a few people he claims he has not done anything with anyone so unless there is proof otherwise should I stop worrying and be happy? Really love him lots he is a good father and we are close x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Missoverthinkthings +, writes (26 June 2012):
Missoverthinkthings is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, he would not give me lift down to the town, bumped in to the girl on the way back and gave her a lift to town instead thats why it annoyed me! He made such a big thing saqying he couldnt drive me then drove her instead. He was smoking alot of cannabis during this time and acted off with me alot....maybe he just did not know what he wanted exactly but yeah maybe, just maybe it is a good thing he has realised I am more important. He swears he has never betrayed me and I think I believe him and maybe he would just give this girl a lift to wind me up in some respects. I am just so fed up with not feeling any trust when I havent really got much evidence, no, but its more the fact he did not care enough to drive me and drove her when I needed it too do you know what I mean? Its more the lack of respect too thank you again for your advice :) And I have seen the money pit, good film used to watch it with my parents when I was younger :)
A
male
reader, Aspie +, writes (26 June 2012):
 When you say "while we were on a break", what exactly do you mean - did you just take a break from being around each other (but still consider yourselves in a relationship with each other), or did you briefly split-up? If the latter, did either of you two lay down any ground rules?Ignoring those questions though, the fact that he was honest about kissing "these other two girls" is, I'd say, a positive sign.You might think him turning you down a lift but then giving her a lift may seem suspicious...but then she may have been her only hope of getting there, or her last resort, or something. If that is the case, and he was her only hope/her last resort, then I'd say that what he did was rather chivalrous, and respectable. Also, the distances involved in 'her lift' and 'your lift' aren't known, so it's a little difficult to comment further...but I will say that he could have been so far away from you at the time that you'd have been waiting for something like half an hour for him to turn up, when it would have been quicker to wait for a bus or a train to get somewhere and you'd have perhaps been there by the time he would have arrived to give you that lift. But, again, not saying that there is anything actually going on, you've only got the one piece of evidence here...if this were a case in a court of law, it'd be pretty flimsy right about now.Finally, you say this was "like two years ago", and "I wasnt good enough then so why am i now" - well, feelings can and do change all the time. One minute a woman could love a guy with all her heart, but the next she could realise it was just infatuation and it could all be over. The fact that you said "so why am i now" seems to suggest to me that his feelings for you did change and he realised how much he loves you. Perhaps this other woman was a good thing, in an odd way.Hope this has helped againxx(P.S.: The end of what I've just said above reminds me a bit of the last half an hour or so of the 1986 film The Money Pit - maybe worth a watch if you can perhaps it from somewhere.)
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A
female
reader, Missoverthinkthings +, writes (24 June 2012):
Missoverthinkthings is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI always think about this particular girl he used to hang about with when we were ona break. He had slept with her in the past and I have had a big row with her before yet when things were really bad between us he would go hang around with her and that. It annoys me because I know she has a right bad reputation and as they slept with each other before I am worried he slept with her while we were on a break aswell. He swears he didnt he just kissed these other two girls that he told me about- but when we were together he would turn me down a lift then Id find out he gave her a lift somewhere (he says because she was going out with his best mate and he wanted to be helpful) This is like two years ago so do I need to stop worrying about the past its just really getting to me that I wasnt good enough then so why am i now :( please advice thank you
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A
male
reader, Aspie +, writes (24 June 2012):
There you go again, you've realised there is no hard evidence of anything going on! :)
You should definitely try to put this behind you and get on with the relationship. I would be inclined to suggest you just quietly watch him to see if he's up to anything too suspicious, but then I'd be worried that that would put you right back here in the whole paranoid situation.
A bite mark on the inside of the thigh seems a weird place to me for a woman to bite on a man, and even if it was a woman why would he bite him that hard?! If there were no other marks, then again you've probably got nothing to worry about.
Now stop worrying so much and go give him some lovin' ;)
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A
female
reader, Missoverthinkthings +, writes (23 June 2012):
Missoverthinkthings is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you you have made me feel a little better as this was worrying me. A bite mark was on the inside of his thigh last year wheni was pregnant this als
o made me paranoid as the day he got it he had his phone off all day and said he had gone to thorpe park with his best boy mate and they had had a bit of a scrap which led to him having his boy mate on the floor in a headlock and the boy biting the inside of his thigh to get out of it....as there has never been eny evidence of him flirting or cheating do you think as it was a long time ago i should believe him and let it drop or try find out the truth from his friend (which may annoy him). It is ruining the relationship me keep saying it was a woman who did it and he said the reason he had his phone off all day is cos I was eight months pregnant and he knew i would be annoyed if he told me he was going to thorpe park with mates. I really want to believe him and drop it because I love him do you think i should? thanks
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A
male
reader, Aspie +, writes (23 June 2012):
Firstly, those Windows Live invitations you mention are probably nothing at all to worry about as they're probably these fake/spam/bot ones that have 'infiltrated' popular online things. You get people like that on Twitter, they just randomly follow you, have some blurb in their bio, with a link they want you to visit and I think it'll try to takeover your account or something. If they were genuine, from real people, and he hasn't accepted them, then it suggests to me that he is faithful to you.It is of-course up to you but you may want to explore why he did sign up to that dating site. Just ask him about it and see what he says. But if, as you say, he didn't talk to anyone on it, then perhaps there is again nothing to worry about. How long ago was this sign-up to this dating site, and how was your relationship then?You may be right, if he did have something to hide then why would he let you use his eMail account, but then from a past experience a previous ex-girlfriend of mine once gave me access to her eMail account...and I found these suspicious eMails between her and some other guy. Showed some of them to very trusted close personal friends of mine and they agreed that she was probably cheating on me, so I ended the relationship. I tell you this as an example of when people do things like giving their girlfriend/boyfriend/partner/other half access to something such as an eMail account without remembering or realising that they may find other things on there that may raise questions. But the fact that he has given you access to his eMail account suggests he trusts you a lot, as that is quite a personal thing to give someone access to.As always, hope this helps. xxx
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A
female
reader, Missoverthinkthings +, writes (23 June 2012):
Missoverthinkthings is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyeah i have explained to him if he tells me anything we can workthrough it and i want an honest relationship. Also he had all these windows live invitations on his email from all different women in sexy poses it made me feel really insecure. He didnt accept any of the invitations they were just there, so he hasnt done anything wrong has he? Why would he get invitations like this though? anyideas i really want to trust him but a while back he signed up; to a dating site, but didnt talk to anyonethen he had let me use his email account and i recovered the deleted messages and discovered that he had registered. If he really had anything to hide would he let me use his email accounts? he didnt talk to anyone so is it possible for me to trust he wont cheat cos i really want us to work xxx
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A
male
reader, Aspie +, writes (23 June 2012):
In reply to your first reply...
If you want him to be able to tell you anything then let him know that you do! It is surely far far better for your relationship with him that he knows he can tell you things like this.
In reply to your second reply...
It sounds to me like you're going to your mates on Facebook because you maybe want a release, someone to talk to, maybe get advice from, or just get things off your chest. I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about at all, you're just talking to mates. I've been in relationships before where I've talked to my girlfriend's friends, both male and female, and it's never a problem.
Hope this helps.
xx
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A
female
reader, Missoverthinkthings +, writes (22 June 2012):
Missoverthinkthings is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso may I add that its really silly but everytime I have a row with him and we have a couple days space to sort it out, if i message my boy mate or any other mate after on facebook just asking how he is and hi and that i feel guilty isit because where he has signed up to stupid stuff in the past-not talking to anyone,but just for attention- I feel I did it because I wanted attention too? Should I tell him I sent this message and feel guilty about it even though I did not flirt or anything? Its like I am always trying to find things to say to put him off me but dont know why when really there may be no need to mention it at all as it would just make him wonder if I am talking to other men then maybe he should talk to other women?? xx
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A
female
reader, Missoverthinkthings +, writes (22 June 2012):
Missoverthinkthings is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank u for your advice. I do work myself up about things and even when he mentioned he bumped into a girl he used to sleep with the ther day I got so funny bout it and he was like- 'I was only saying, I wont tell you anything anymore then' and obviously I want him to be able to tell me nything I dont wanna be a paranoid idiot lol xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2012): You say yourself that you have no actual evidence of anything 'untoward' going on, so you're possibly doing your username and overthinking things. For all you know, 'sexy person' could be a nickname he and his male mates use for another male mate. Based on this, I'd say you shouldn't worry about it any more, and get on with the relationship, otherwise you risk worrying too much and ending up being the cause/part of the cause or reason for the end of the relationship.
Good luck x
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