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Army Man. Is he just a good player, leading me on, and I, a fool for believing him?

Tagged as: Cheating, Online dating, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 June 2012) 1 Answers - (Newest, 22 June 2012)
A female Philippines age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Help, all males out here, especially the ones who are working for the Military and were deployed to the Middle East.

The problem: Online relationship – totally not meeting each other in person.

Last January 2012 after I’ve just broken up with my 4 yr old son’s father – we’re not married – but he wouldn’t let me be, he cried and begged me to stay with him because I was the only one he’s got. Despite everything I’ve been thru with him, I pitied him and gave in to his wish which was for us to still live together with one condition: no physical contact, and I mean none at all or I’ll leave. He accepted.

Then I met this guy online, a US army deployed in the Middle East, he is married (written on his public profile). His civil status was out of the question and not important at first because I was just looking for someone to talk to. And besides, I always thought that someone working for the military is respectable, mighty, and gorgeous. So I got really interested to talk to him, like I was star struck. Lol. And so we chatted, I opened up, told him about the situation I was in and he was a gentleman and told me good things to make me feel good and I did felt good. It was like hey, coming from someone like him, it’s something good.

Then I asked him about his married life and it pained me to hear what he said about what’s he’s been going through, missing his wife so much but it seemed like the wife’s cheating, rarely answered his emails and rarely skyped him. He said he was feeling like the wife would soon ask for divorce. I sympathized with him. I thought to myself, out there was a man who loved his woman but was being trashed and ignored; while here was I, a woman who did everything just to have my partner to love me or even just respect me for being the mother of his child.

It was very surreal but I fell in love with this guy online. It was a feeling like this guy deserves to be loved and served; I want to give this guy all the love I could give, like if his wife was me, I shall never make him feel the way he was feeling. And after realizing how I felt, I know I should just delete my account instantly and leave him alone. Yeah, the fact that he’s married should have been my queue to leave him alone, but I didn’t. I just can’t.

Most of the time, we chatted, and when we could, we skyped. Until I could not take it anymore, I told him I think I really like him and I may actually be in love with him. But to my surprise, he answered me that he’s passed over that because he actually has fallen in love with me. It was so deliciously shocking, but at the same time, I felt like I was some kind of a bitch for “stealing” another woman’s man.

Despite all the negative thoughts I was having, I still believed everything he said, I actually still believe him now. But the thing is, he’s gonna go right back home to the wife in August. We still exchanged emails but rarely skyped. I asked him why, he said he doesn’t have access to the internet these days because he was always out preparing all the things needed to be prepared or packed before they finally go back home, he said it might take a few weeks. But he kept asking me how i was doing and told me he can't wait to go back home so he could get himself into a plane and meet me.

My question to those Military men who experienced being deployed to the Middle East, does it really take too much time to pack everything when you're going back home? I want to know if he's telling me the truth or he just don't want to talk to me much these days? and perhaps he's excited to see the wife now that he's finally going back home? It would really help me if I'll know the real score or opinion from other people, because as crazy as it sounds, i believe him.

View related questions: divorce, fell in love, military, player, the internet

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2012):

Yes they are very busy,my boyfriend was a soldier. Not too sure how you can love someone you never met. I am pretty sure when he gets home and sees his wife you won't hear from him.

It's cheating isn't it?

Him meeting you and still being married. Seriously get over this as it will end in tears.

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