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female
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anonymous
writes: My husband left me for another woman, I was devastated but eventually tried to move on and even began seeing someone else. Now my husband has left the other woman and says he@ll do anything to get me back! I am very confused and dont want to hurt the new man in my life who has been there for me and picked me up and made me feel good about myself again. I really dont know what to do and now have them both telling me how much they love me!! help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008): Hi, I think you have to decide how much you love the new guy. If you love him as much as you loved your husband then it's just the history together that's different. You have a longer connection with your husband and possibly children? If you still love your husband then give it a go, everyone deserves a second chance. But only one second chance and it has to be unconditional, can you do that? If not then stick with your new guy, if he is a good guy and you love him, give him a chance, a first chance, because he too will deserve this. I don't agree that once a cheater always a cheater, I think some people do learn from their mistakes and it can make a marriage stronger and happier. It's your call, good luck.
A
female
reader, claudiaprada  +, writes (11 January 2008):
It is obvious that deep down you still love your husband very much. And the new guy was probably just a choice that came along after your losing battle with your husband. The truth is not what you want to hear though: your husband has never really loved you (he did at some point in the past that's why he married you, but that love was gone). His action is just a reaction of jealousy because you have such a wonderful new man in your life and you're happy, and he just could not stand that. Which means that you become attractive again to him just because he totally lost you.
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A
female
reader, SBRLimey  +, writes (10 December 2007):
I certainly understand as my hushand left his family -3- times. He is hinting at getting back together...I can't do it! I can't forgive his disgusting behavior and the ease at which he ripped his family apart. Creap! He can stay in the nightmare he created.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2006): I have been in the same position as you meaning my husband left me for another woman, on a serious note i would say stick to your new man, a dog always a dog.. dump ur husband and stick to this new man who has been there for you...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2006): You are the only one who can make that descision. If it were merely a matter of fairness you would be best to stay with your new men - as he has never betrayed or abanonded you, as your husband had. I feel whatever your marriage vows were they no longer apply as your husband failed to keep them.
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A
male
reader, geqo  +, writes (1 November 2006):
 I'd like you to think back to the day you got married. Why did you marry your husband? Remember your marriage vows. What were the words you uttered? Most likely along the lines of "in sickness and in health, through good times and through bad..."
I'm not trying to convince you to go back to your husband. This is a very personal decision that only you can make. I am, however, trying to give a contrasting opinion to the other answers you've gotten already. You have to remember that all people make mistakes: sometimes big ones, sometimes little ones. Your husband made a huge mistake, but he clearly still loves you. If you still love him, you should be able to find it in your heart to forgive him (and there is no such thing as "forgive but not forget").
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A
female
reader, Alexandra +, writes (1 November 2006):
Ponder on the situation. Find somw quiet time. What do you really think you deserve? Sometimes we are attracted (in a sick way) to negative excitment, and chase people who are not available or treat us very badly. Hum, a "wonderful guy vs. a husband who cheated. Tough choice. Don't you know the answer already?
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A
female
reader, Ne'cee +, writes (31 October 2006):
 if he left you once he'll do it again when he see's or comes across another woman he may be interested in. If you're happy stay that way. Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2006): I cannot believe that you considering going back out with your husband. He has a pattern on cheating with his women and you want him to do that all over again. He will do it again if you give him that chance. Stick to the guy you are with now put your ego away that 2 men are chasing after you and give the new guy your time and energy not the one that hurt you.
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A
female
reader, Ask Heather +, writes (31 October 2006):
 eyeswideopen and Irish have given Excellent Advice, which I can only echo, but something tells me that you probably already knew the answer to your question deep down, and just needed to hear it from someone else. That is why this is a superb site, as asking someone close to you for advice can be difficult, and somewhat biased, whereas someone totally outside of the situation sees the whole, clearer picture, and can give totally impartial advice. My thoughts are with you, Kind Regards, Heather.
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A
female
reader, Lemonpixie +, writes (31 October 2006):
 Well you answered you're own question in a way... all you can say about your new guy is great things... why bother with the guy who hurt you. Going back to a cheater will only make you paranoid that he will do it again and most likely he will... so dont sacrifice a great relationship for one that you already know didnt work out
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2006): Hi Anon, Your new man seems to more sensitive to your feelings and maybe he could be more trustworthey towards you, The relationship is new and fresh with this new guy that's good,
Its your call but I do not think you should go back to your husband maybe he's learned his lesson, but can you really forgive and forget so easily?
Well maybe you have forgiven him but can you forget? But of course at the end of the day you must follow your heart,
you must be with the man who you feel that spark with or its no point being with him, we learn from all relationship experiences, although somtimes I belive its more a case of everything happens for a reason so listen to your heart and you will find the answer, Good Luck Hope this has helped :)
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A
female
reader, Astrid  +, writes (31 October 2006):
 New wonderful man of course, enjoy darling
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (31 October 2006):
 I agree with Irish (as usual). Your husband has shown his true colors. Your new guy sounds like the salt of the earth, I'd hang onto the guy with honor and integrity. Let the guy who thinks with his johnson hit the road. Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2006): Just a couple questions. Which one of these men has behavior's that demonstrates impulsiveness, unreliability, immorality and poor judgement? Which one is considered a high risk for failure as a committed, decent partner to you? Stick with man who supports you and would never hurt you, dear.
As for your husband. He has shown you what he capable of doing, when times in a relationship get a bit bumpy. The reality is when someone's sexuality is so tied into getting their selfish wants and needs taken care with no though of the wife and family, they become a liability in the marriage. Your husband thought nothing of destroying your family and your marriage, so he could go out and 'live his fantasy' with another woman. You will never trust him again and who could blame you? Just something to think about, hun.
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