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female
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*oopy-loo
writes: I am currently gutted that my bloke has told me he wants to finish things. We have been together for 5 years.He has always had periods of moodiness, but this time I asked him to try and talk to me about how he is feeling as I was starting to feel excluded. The next day he told me he thinks its over because he doesn't feel the same anymore. I have asked him to try and elaborate on how/why he feels like this with a view to a chance to work through it. He says he feels that he has been giving things a chance in his head for a while and doesn't think he wants to put lots of energy to trying more. I feel devastated that he could be interpreting a natural "lull" in the relationship as a sign that it's over, and he hasn't given us chance to work on things together and reignite the spark. I dont want to be/keep him in an unhappy relationship, but any advice on how to encourage him to at least have a try before throwing it away?
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female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (31 October 2006):
 Hi Loopy Loo,
I think it might be better in this case to leave him. It might not end up being a permanent separation becos if there is anything left he is going to miss u and want u back.But im afraid that if u try coercing him back it might just make things worse.
I really do believe he has been unhappy for a while now and has been thinking of this. It might be better for u to work ur way around things now by giving ur relationship a break, so that u dont waste more time salvaging a relationship with someone who believes it cant be.
I know it can be hard and tough. i have had alot of heart breaks myself. When i noticed in my last relationship(5yrs) that something was wrong i wished i had the strength to move on earlier becos postponing made things worse. Imagine ending my wedding a month to time. Now i have recovered and met someone else. I know it can be done. Just have faith in your self in case this doesnt work out during the separation.
Go out and enjoy yourself. Dress smart, go for a new look.
Take care dear and goodluck
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