A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hello,i love my partner dearly but he lives away from me and i am with my family at the moment.my partner has asked me to move with him but im torn.i love being with my family and i know i would miss them a lot, especially since i would not be able to visit as much as i would want to.but i also love my partner and miss him while im living with family. i am utterly lost with this and dont know what to do?my partner doesnt like it here so wouldnt move, and my family cant afford to visit me often if i live with him.please help Reply to this Question
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female
reader, kata1l  +, writes (21 June 2012):
Sage guy, you had the best answer anyone could have given. This young lady would be putting her future at risk without any sort of up front committment from this guy. What is she gets all the way there, and he gets "tired" of her after a while, like some people are likely to do without the committment of marriage? He is expecting a lot from you without any promises on his part, and studies have shown live in relationships, even if the involved people do get married at some point, do not last as long as people waiting to get married before living together do. Live in relationships promise nothing, and that is exactly what they deliver! Don't get yourself into the position of all the responibilities of marriage with none of the benefits!
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 June 2012):
 there is a song about marriage "well a man shall leave his mother and a woman leave her home"
Part of growing up and maturing is moving from our families.
my mom did it when I was 5... moved from NY to MD for my dad's job and I grew up here with no close family other than mom and dad... I'm not close to my extended family at all... in fact most of my friends are not...
my brother is 3000 miles away
my dad moved to florida in 1994... i see him maybe twice a year but we talk weekly...
can you work and support yourself where you would be moving?
there's skype on the computer.... there are ways to keep in touch..
if you say no... and end it with your partner, will you be angry with your family later on?
I'd say this: you can pick your family you can't pick your relatives.
for me if I could support myself and the relationship with the partner was serious and it was good.. I'd go in a heartbeat.
my partner just (in December) ended his entire life as he knew it in his hometown and moved to be with me... it's rough but being together was the only option for us...
only you can make this choice.
make sure that if you go and it does not work out there is enough money put away for you to get back home if that's what you want.. but you may find that it's time to cut those apron strings and move on to real adulthood.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (21 June 2012):
 You write about your "partner".... but I don't see the word "hubby" in here.....
You are wise to stay with your family until YOU (and this guy) actually ARE a "family" (as evidenced by a MARRIAGE license)....
I'm not trying to be "preachy".... but wish to convey that, by moving TO him, without any "commitment" on his part, you give him all the power in any relationship that the two of you have.....
Good luck....
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