A
male
age
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*ike2
writes:hi there. my story is long and complicated. but to give you an idea of what i am going through. here goes. i am married for 31 years with 2 grown up kids. the relationship i have with my wife is good at this time but hasn't always been this way. she flies of the handle and overeacts to situations. she said years ago that she would leave me soon as the kids were gone.she is still with me. we havn't done sex in a few years and even before that it was less that once a month. this used to depress me as i loved her and wanted to show it. last time we tried it she asked me if it was going to take long. i said after that i would never try again. just over 3 years ago i was out with my friend and i got talking to a girl. she is 4 years older than me . after a 6 months or so. i fell deeply in love with her. we starting having sex and it's been the best sex i have ever had. she loves me so much as well. she has been married for as long as me but has no kids. she does not have sex with her husband because of a medical problem with him. the big problem is that the whole thing has made me depressed and i am on medication. i get thoughts of leaving her but can't. i still love my wife but not the way i do me lover. would appreciate your comment mike
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2008): If you truly love your wife, stop wasting your her time and get a divorce (maybe she'd like to be in a loving relationship too) or else get some marriage counseling.
I hate to be harsh, but there's a saying
"S**t, or get off the pot."
Everybody goes through bad patches in their marriages. Everybody meets other people whom they could love. But it's your choice to fix what's broken (in your case, no sex) or to try plaster over the weak spots with an affair. At some point the affair will be found out and things will get very, very bad. It will still be bad, but slightly better, if you tell your wife yourself.
www.marriagebuilders.com is the place you want to go to understand why your marriage went bad, why you are having an affair, and what's going to happen next. It's a fantastic site that saves my marriage every 3 years, every time I start flirting back with the gentlemen.
Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): I agree with Happy24.. For all those who preach to work on your marriage dont you think we have tried there are only so many times to be kicked in the head and left hurt and lonely it takes two people to want to change things and when you are with a partner who could careless you need to look elsewhere. You are the only living this lif and only you can find your own happiness. If your wife were to leave how would you feel okay hurt but can you see yourself getting over the hurt? Now ask yourself truthfully about other woman you have a conection to? The two of you in time may want more together have you talked to her about both what you want in this relationship and what she wants? Good luck.
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A
female
reader, happy24birthday  +, writes (24 June 2008):
 Other than the situation making you depressed, I would say to continue on the same path. My husband and I don't have sex very often anymore, either, and I really miss it. There's a guy that I've met a few times who is also married, and we always have a lot of fun together. Although what you and I are doing is wrong, you are getting what you need from someone else, and I mean other than sex. Unfortunately for me, that guy has dumped me. Many people will tell us that we are horrible people who need to concentrate on fixing the problems in our marriages. Duh, if we could do that, we would already have done it. Especially since she's married, too, I wouldn't be inclined to leave my wife for her. My personal opinion is that even though you aren't working with your wife to solve the problem, that you are actually helping your marriage by finding some happiness with another woman. I will be crucified for that statement. What you will REALLY need medication for is if your lover ever rejects you; that is not fun stuff. I agree, too, with everything Danielpew said.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (24 June 2008):
 What I see here is a married man and a married woman who are sleeping with a person other than their spouses because that is their way to have one important element that's missing in their relationships. I also think that this relationship goes deeper than just sex, at least for you.
Sleeping with this woman has given you the intimacy and the feelings that your wife won't give you anymore, because she doesn't want to. It's easy to see why you want to be with her. I'm not sure if the other lady sees the relationship that way. What do you think?
Leaving your wife and having this relationship with the new woman are very different things. It seems like they could happen at the same time. You need to stop and think if you would like to live your life on your own, as a divorced man. This new lady could move in with you, or not, and you need to have all your bases covered.
If, after making that decision, the new lady comes your way, well, you'll have made it. If not, at least you will be leaving the life you truly want or can live.
Hope this helps.
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