A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Who can I talk to about getting cosmetic surgery? I don't want to talk to a surgeon because they'll only tell me facts about what I want to get done. When I look at forums specifically for this, all the people there are always like "go for it" and when I ask anywhere else I usually get "be happy with what you have/natural is better etc".I just want an unbiased viewpoint/person/place to talk about it with. The truth is this is driving me crazy and I feel like I've become obsessed over it. It's making me depressed. At the moment I don't trust myself or my reasoning and am not even sure if surgery will help with all my self esteem issues. So before I do anything, I want to feel confident in my decision. Thanks in advance.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (31 August 2012):
 I agree with the first female anonymous post - if you are depressed and have self esteem issues then seek help from a counsellor/therapist before you get any surgery. They will help you get to the bottom of your self esteem issues and will be able to give you perspective on whether or not surgery is a good idea for you.
But as a rule of thumb surgery is not going to help your self-esteem much, it wont make you feel better on the inside. Yes you might feel nicer in certain clothes, and you might not hate the way you look so much, but its not going to change any deep rooted issues you have with yourself.
I was bullied when I was at school and a lot of it was about my nose, I have always wanted a nose job ever since. I honestly dont feel it suits my face and wish that I could change it, but if I think logically about it is an insane amount of money to spend changing something I was born with and live with on a daily basis. I dont even see my nose that often, so really, would I be that much happier if it changed? I would like my reflection more, and I might feel a little more confident about my face. But I still have loads of issues with the rest of my body, and changing one thing isnt going to make me feel better about the rest of me.
At the end of the day I dont 'need' a new nose, there are thousands of better ways to spend that money and it is just a selfish, silly obession that I have that came about because of some silly teenage boys that have not seen me for years.
One other thing - as well as telling you the facts about surgery, the surgeons have to also asses your mental health to see if surgery is a good idea for you or not. They have specific training in that area to recognise when someone really is not suitable for surgery so it would be worth talking to them, they might know more than you think.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (31 August 2012):
 Have you actually spoken to a surgeon or do you just assume you know what they're going to say? I've seen a few medical professionals over the years about various things and most of them offer more than just cold, hard, surgical facts.
Few will be bold enough to tell you what to do, unless it's to wait until you're sure or proceed with life saving treatment, but they can offer an opinion, what they would do in your shoes, what others have done in your shoes and how the procedure affected them (obviously without naming them).
Surgery will not cure all of your self esteem issues or rather self confidence issues, but it may go a long ways to addressing some of them. If it didn't few would do it and even fewer would have anything positive to say about it. The practice would have died out long ago. We hear glowing testimonials (and a few nightmares) all the time.
One of the other benefits of surgery that doesn't carry any risks is knowing it is an option. Having that choice, and knowing that you're not stuck with something might make it easier to deal with the cause of your confidence issues in another way.
I should have opened with this, but self esteem is the esteem in which you hold yourself. Just as respect in others must be earned by them, respect for yourself must be earned by you. It must be EARNED. The way to earn it is to be someone you can be proud of, to demonstrate those qualities that you admire in others. Some of your problems can be solved by changing what you DO and not what you look like.
Take a look at the people around you, family, friends, colleagues, neighbours, people you don't know well, even celebrities and ask yourself what it is about them that you respect or admire. Don't look for one person to have all of those qualities, but for most of those people to have some of them (even one of them).
Back to the surgery...it CAN make the world of difference. Maybe having it done will give you the confidence to tackle some of the bigger issues. It's an option.
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (31 August 2012):
 So is it a cosmetic surgery on one body part, like your nose or boobs? Or all over liposuction? Or a number of things? You say you have self esteem issues. I do not believe surgery cures self esteem issues. I think if you have a body part you have always hated and you can fix it then that's what surgery is for. But if you don't like anything about your body or yourself and have no confidence, I do not think new boobs would be a cure all. Since you need a stranger's advice on if you should do it or not I don't think you should. You obviously aren't confident enough in your own decisions. For instance when my sister decided to do something about her boobs. She never liked the size of them and after kids wanted to do something about it. It was completely her decision and based on the fact that she wanted nicer looking boobs that fit her body better in her opinion. I think something as serious as surgery needs to be up to you and if you feel you want or need it. No stranger should convince you what you should do. And for the record if it wasn't clear, I am not one who says "don't ever get surgery, love yourself for who you are". I say if it makes you happier go for it. I am saying you probably shouldn't because you don't seem sure or confident at all. And also it seems to be that you think it will cure all of your self esteem issues, which is also untrue and not a good reason. That is how people end up addicted to surgery, thinking if they just get this done then they will love their body. And when that doesn't work they fixate on something else.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2012): You don't specify what kind of plastic surgery. If you are considering breast augmentation then this site helped me a lot before I got my own surgery done:
http://www.implantinfo.com/
You said that you aren't sure if the surgery will help you with your self-esteem issues. The answer is probably not. Self-esteem has a deeper root cause. You need to get that sorted out before considering surgery. If you think that bigger boobs, a better nose, etc etc is going to make you happier it won't. You will more than likely become fixated on something else.
Perhaps it would be a good idea to invest in a therapist before committing to surgery.
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