A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Is my husband controlling? We have been married for 21 years and he always wants to know where I am and what I am doing, even what time i will be home. I never go anywhere without one of the kids! He talks to me like i am a child, telling me what to do and how to do it. I can't stand to be around him most of the time. He treats me with no respect and now my kids are starting to talk to me the same way he does. Help!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2012): Thanks for the replies! He does tell me where i can & can't go, looks through my phone, facebook page, etc. When I am in bed asleep. He also seperated our bank accounts & when i need extra $ i have to ask him for it & he gets angry. He doesn't help around the house at all!
I work part time & he wants me to find a second job but only where he says i can work!!!!
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (31 August 2012):
 There is a fine line between being controlling and someone who sincerely cares and wants to keep track of you in case something happens.
You really don't provide any concrete examples in your submission so it is hard for me to make a judgement. In my opinion, controlling means he tells you where you can and cannot go.
However, if you feel like you are being controlled it is something that you need to bring up with him in a non-confrontational way. Ask him if he trusts you. Explain to him the pain and hurt it causes you and most importantly point out how the children are starting to emulate him and his way of communicating with you. He may be confusing his actions by thinking he is caring for you when in fact it is alienating you.
Hopefully you'll find the courage to bring this subject up. You may want to enlist the help of a couple's counselor as well if he fails to realize there is an issue and it continues to drive a wedge between the two of you.
Best wishes
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (31 August 2012):
 Set him and your children straight. He only does this because you allow him to.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (31 August 2012):
 I think he is taking you for granted and he is being rude and disrespectful. However, you do know the saying, YOU are in charge of how people treat you? If you don't ALLOW disrespect you won't GET disrespect.
Nip the kids behavior in the bud. And do it fast. Or you will just teach them that THIS is how you treat a woman and how you are to be treated. Put your foot down.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2012): Maybe not so much controlling but just plain arrogant and disrespectful. You should stand up to him and tell him to pipe down, because he's not setting a very good example to the children.
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