A
female
age
41-50,
*Woody
writes:I really need some help and advice.Have what I thought to be a good relationship with my boyfriend, but obviously I don't.He has had some trouble recently in the bedroom (don't need to say anymore) and I have been supportive and reassuring during this time. We have been trying for children (we don't have any kids) and I put it down to pressure. We have talked about kids and we both decided we wanted to try so I haven't put any pressure on him.I today find on my laptop a number of dating websites he has been active on since September, asking girls to meet up with him for sex, sending erotic pictures to each other - I am devastated. My mind at the moment is thinking that maybe this is his way of dealing with his problem????I just sent him a text saying that we need to talk when we get home. He replied saying about what? So I told him what I have seen. He hasn't exactly hidden the sites and remains logged in, so I could see all evidence.How do I deal with this? I have been hurt before and my immediate reaction is to pack up and leave (I moved into his house and don't have a house).Please, please please help me xx
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female
reader, Tumelo007  +, writes (26 January 2010):
hi girl, sorry to hear this, please take my advise, dont go back to him, as I was reading you question, it was as if am reading my own story exactly as is, I also came across such on my b/friend's laptop, he didnt log off from his emails and all these dating websites and the only foolish thing I did was to take him back, now our relationship is so miserable and cold cause the is not trust between us. I dont like him I dont even know why am still with him, am so miserable its not funny cause I think eveytime he's on his he's busy flirting and send explicit photo's. The worst part is he met with this girl online and they regularly met and have sex in my house while am at work, ws so devestated when I discovered that, and they sent each messages discussing how they did and staff. am still in pain and still with this guy and hating every minute of it. I dont think anyone like this is even worth another try. Get over him he is not worth any efforts.
A
female
reader, CWoody +, writes (26 January 2010):
CWoody is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your advice.
Just feel really numb - all my friends are in shock, they said that he seemed really square and couldn't imagine him doing anything like this. What's more I am now prying and have found that he paid for a Thai bride (which was a scam) - she promised to service him 24/7. I just can't believe it - makes me feel disgusting/ dirty/ and what's more my confidence is non existent.
I don't half pick them!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2010): Hi. I wrote the post wondering if he had left things for you to find. Im truly sorry to hear he has been using the sites and what a lame excuse! It takes me back to the day i left a Post It sticker on my ex`s pc and packed my bags. I hope you are ok. Having been there, i can tell you that his type are alot easier to get over than you think. Just dont go back once he starts whining for a 2nd chance, trust me it will happen and when it does be strong and say no thanks pal!! Big hugs xx
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 January 2010):
I'm really sorry. You must get tested for STD', which is confidential. Whether you fix this is up to you. Personally, I don't think I could.
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A
female
reader, CWoody +, writes (26 January 2010):
CWoody is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe has met these women, most on a paid for sex basis. I definately can't go back and will be moving out over the next couple of days. He is going to stay with his parents while I get organised.
He said 'Sorry and that his head is mucked up'
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2010): Im sorry youve had such a horrible shock. You probably wont want to hear this....but you say hes been using dating sites for sex since last September. Yet his ?erectile problems with you have been recent. So. He may already have had sex with other women. And that is whats causing the problems hes having with you. He could be feeling guilty/doesnt need sex so much now hes going elsewhere/`holding back` because he doesnt want to get you pregnant now.
Its strange that he didnt bother closing the pc properly and left things there that you might see. Maybe, leaving it for you to see was his way of telling you that hes not happy. Instead of manning up and speaking to you about things, hes just gone ahead, met other women and left the evidence for you to find. Infact for him it would probably be better this way, because then you get to do the dirty work, get angry, walk out. And it saves him having to find the courage to say its not working and asking you to leave.
Try not to get mad when you talk to him. Be sensible and if things are all wrong between you, first stop STD clinic! Then tell him you cant just move out overnight because you dont have a home of your own. If things are over, take your sweet time about moving out. Go when you feel ready. Just be glad the creep hadnt got you pregnant before you found out what hes capable of!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 January 2010):
This is more likely to be the cause of the problem. Don't make any decision until he's spoken to you. This is serious, because you don't know whether he's met these women or not as well. He has got to talk to you about it and be honest. If he gets defensive, or doesn't talk, then seriously think about whether you'd be better moving on. And whether he tells you he's cheated or not, get yourself checked for STD's.
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