A
female
age
30-35,
*lon
writes:Hello, I need some advice please, I'm 35 weeks pregnant and the baby's father hasn't been in contact with me since we split up 3 month ago. I've tried ringing him and have had no answer to my calls or texts. Its like he isn't interested, and I hear he has a new girlfriend which is upsetting me! What do I do he's obviously not interested in me or his son who will be born in 5week :( x
View related questions:
split up, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (22 February 2012):
 I don't think I would want him at the birth.
There is this syndrome: when you are pregnant, the father will be nice to you because ... really he's just being nice to the baby, who is inside you. As soon as the baby comes out, he will shower the baby with affection and forget about you.
Look, this all worries me. He has left you and not supported you. Hell, he has even not responded to calls when you are pregnant (that is REALLY mean). He has now made plans to move in and set up home with a new woman, and he suddenly wants to be at his child's birth ... not, I don't think, because he wants to be there for you, but I guess so he doesn't miss out. And then ... what? Is he going to want you to let him take the baby to stay with him and his new woman some time????
You have had to be very strong, all alone. You will give birth (and I really think your mother or his mother or both should be there with you for that), and then you will look after the baby. It strikes me that his role will be limited at the least. At the moment, to me, he doesn't really deserve to be there. What ... he left you all this time, and now is just coming in at the end, for the best bit?
I know you will want him to love his child, and that is only natural and right. But I think you have to be VERY strict with him about the deal, and what role he plays. He has abandoned you and the baby. He needs to explain himself, and his plans. He needs to sit down and talk like an adult. Like the father he is about to become.
Be bloody firm with him. Lay down the law. You owe him nothing. He has earned no part in this so far.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 February 2012):
 He wants to be there for his child, but doesn't want to get back together with you.
I'm guessing he is trying to do the right thing for the baby.
...............................
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (20 February 2012):
 No we didn't read your previous post, because you didn't tell us you wrote one.. we are not mind readers, there are tons of people posting every day, 24hours a day.No other post showing up... you must have posted anonymous. So we don't know anything else except what you have written here.Confused, I'll break it down...1. You are pregnant and you want to keep your baby2. He has a new girlfriend and he wants to stay with her3. He isn't accepting your calls or messages4. His friends tell you stuff, but since they aint him, you can't believe anything they say5. You will give birth in 2weeks time, and you can't find him because he is hiding and he doesn't want to see you.The guy isn't interested in seeing you ever again, so you can't tell him about the baby. If your talking to his friends then they would have told him about the baby, but still he doesn't call, he doesn't contact you. You must think about your baby right now. Apart from money, he won't give you anything. I'm very sorry, but the guy isn't coming back to you, he doesn't want to be a father, and the best thing you can do is either forget about him, or send up his name and details to the CSA, so you can get some money of him to take care of the baby.I'm sorry, but guys who like you don't act like this.. hell even guys who hate you wouldn't do this to a pregnant woman who is desperate.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 February 2012):
 he's moving in with another woman.. he does not want to make it work with you but is being kind due to the impending birth of your child.
he wants a relationship with his son and the only way he can have one easily is keeping on your good side...
why burn bridges and be mean when you can be adult...
just because he's being kind does not mean he wants you back.
...............................
A
female
reader, Elon +, writes (20 February 2012):
Elon is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hi I'm all confused now, if you read my previous question about my ex ul know y! My ex is now with a new girl and apparently they are moving in together. But yet he saying to his friends he will never get bback with me but still cares for me and is sorry for the way things turned out for us! And also now wants to be at his sons birth when I give birth in two weeks! I'm all confused! Pls can some one help me understand this as my head is doing overtime thinking he still really deep down likes me :/
...............................
A
female
reader, gingerboston +, writes (8 February 2012):
I'm right there with you.....it hurts deeply one minute he can't get enough of you and now its forget you and the unborn child,just know your not alone and god sees everything! Karma,karma,karma...love on your baby because I will when my little man comes this month:)
...............................
A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (1 February 2012):
He is stupid, stupid, stupid ... he is missing out on the best thing of his life.
What about his parents? The baby's grandparents? Maybe they want to be involved? They should be. This is a child on the way. A small person. Needs all the family he or she can get, by the sound of it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (30 January 2012):
He has the option to ask for a DNA test.. that's his right.
Here's the details for CSA, they'll tell you what your entitled to. http://www.csa.gov.uk/
Here's the details for help from the government for new parents and children http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/index.htm
Your not alone in this, and he has responsibilities... if he want's to run he best try to move country.
...............................
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (30 January 2012):
Your UK.. good
Send him a registered letter (he has to sign for it, so you know it's received) explain about the baby and also explain that you would like him to be in the babies life if possible.
Also explain that he is liable for child support payments, and you would rather do this informally with him by discussion and agreement, but if he doesn't answer you'll be contacting the government and the CSA (child support agency) can deal with him.
...............................
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (30 January 2012):
 I posted the comment about the father being obligated too soon.
I wanted to check online......having now done so, yes, if you are going to be raising the baby on your own, your ex MUST legally make child support payments until she/he reaches "the age of majority" - which means either 18 or 21.
You are entitled to have him pay toward bringing the baby up, so I strongly recommend that you look into setting it up NOW.
Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (30 January 2012):
He is OBLIGATED
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2012): "Its like he isn't interested, and I hear he has a new girlfriend which is upsetting me!"
It's no "like" he isn't intereste, he isn't interested because you're no fun anymore and he doesn't want to tied down with a kid he doesn't want, thus new girlfiend.
"What do I do he's obviously not interested in me or his son who will be born in 5week"
Go to court to legally establish paternity and get an order of child support.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2012): Be of Good Cheer!You are blessed with one of the most labouring but most fulfilling roles any woman can take upon her while on this Earlthy realm!Do your best to Live and bring Honour to the title MOTHER.You do this; give your utmost to provide for you son and blessings will abound. They may not be plenty, but you will not be without.There are many men in these times that understand and appreciate a loving, honest woman and hold on high Mothers.In time, things will unfold.Rely on those you trust and call friends and family.Hang In There!Even out of darkness can light give forth.*hugs*
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (30 January 2012):
 Make sure you get child support from the guy.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2012): Sadly, he's not interested. It's his loss. I wouldn't bother trying to contact him any more. Just concentrate on keeping yourself well and relaxed for the birth. Basically assume it's over with him and just get on with your life. You will not be the first or last woman who has had to go it alone. But you'll be fine - just look forward and prepare to be a Mum. Take control of your life and be strong, with support from family and friends and do not spend too much time thinking about the baby's father - who obviously got you pregnant but is happy to walk away. Just look after yourself and your baby.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 January 2012):
you move on and live well and raise your son to the best of your ability.
do not discount that in a few years you may meet someone who does not mind parenting another man's child. They are usually good guys too.
best of luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 January 2012):
I'm sorry to be blunt, but I don't think he cares about you or the baby, he moved on with a new woman in his life.
The fact that he is ignoring you kind of confirm it.
Good luck with the pregnacy and baby!
...............................
|
