A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Where every I go, what ever I do, I always seem to get bullied.Every job that I have every had has involved someone trying to make my working conditions difficult. I can remember as far back as when I was 18 in my first job.I am very smart and intelligent. I am now teaching and in management; my manager is nit picking and supporting other members of staff as they try to bully.I am quite assertive and will do what I can to put a stop to it but do not understand why i attract it.I have got a vulnerable side, I am a single parent of three; I have not not a close family - so work is all I have really it. I have some sort of a partner but he is not totally reliable. I wonder if things would change if I was married and they saw me as not alone!Any advice appreciated!
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female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (11 April 2009):
 Two things jump out at me when I read your posting: (a) you're smart, intelligent, and assertive; and (b) work is important to you.I was wondering, that you are so driven in your work that your peer or colleagues may perceive you as a "threat". It is not an uncommon phenomenon, actually. Sometimes, a new young person, if s/he brings in new ideas, or new energy, or sometimes even if your education [level] is different than others in the office [lower or higher], is already posing a threat to others. Sometimes, simply a different appearance [e.g. non-conformity] can trigger a perception of "threat". A threat against their own position, their own ideas, or simply against taking away attention [off them]. I have seen this over and over again in work environment. It is an interesting yet unpleasant phenomenon to the person suffering the bullying. Nitpicking your work, for instance, could be because (a) you keep reminding reminding people to be "perfect" so they try to find things that are not "perfect" with you, or (b) you are overly sensitive against any criticism, however constructive it is.Having said that, bullying is just a form of "power struggle". So is "resistance" against change, which can also be manifested into what you may call "bullying", or making things difficult for you at work. Bullying or resistance can actually escalate if they see the object/subject of their target does not appear to be affected by their "resistance" or "threats" (or bullying). If you can provide more specifics on the bullying you often experience, perhaps we can provide more relevant or appropriate advice to you. I'm inclined to say, keep a low profile, but I know that sometimes even that does not work. Why? Because it is the their perception of *your* [potential] power that they consider as "threat" is still there: YOU. I have also heard people saying "keep your friends happy but keep your enemies close". This is what politicians do LOL But seriously, it is probably be a good advice. You don't know why they are always bullying you, so go to them and befriend them. Once they discover the real you, they may even side and form strategic alliance with you.Good luck!Cat
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2009): I'm sorry that you've had to deal with that.
Perhaps you project an air of weakness that people take advantage of? Maybe what you perceive as bullying is just straight up conflict because you are assertive? Maybe you are more sensitive to criticism than others (this is true for me!) or maybe you just have had bad luck with colleagues.
If you can, maybe get counseling on this. If this has been something that has happened constantly in your life, it might point to a bigger problem. You have to get an objective opinion on why you keep encountering this problem.
If not, could you ask a close friend or work colleague for some advice? You are not specific as to what the bullying is, but maybe someone else's perspective might help.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Triskaedeka102  +, writes (11 April 2009):
 How about confronting one of those bullies and ask them what exactly attracts them to bully you? Nobody can belittle you unless you allow them to. Good for you since you know that already. I admire you for being a single parent and working hard for your family. All the best!
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