A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi everyone, help solve a problem about loyalty and whom is right and whom is wrong, im engaged to a great guy, now the problem is where should his loyalty lay, with is ex wife, his mum and his family, his kids and me even though im not their mother, am i wrong for wanting us to be his number 1 priorty, his kids 1st and me, i am made to feel guilty for wanting this and told i am wrong
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008): bibically correct it should be the wife as number one then children, parent, siblings last and definately the ex wife shouldn't even be considered. Men do not have to inlude their xwives in their lives just because they have kids with them, alot of men use the kids as an excuse just so they can leave the window open. I am not a bible fanatic but since it was taght to me so well growing up I do know that it was inteneded for the spouse to be number one, anyone else is just wrong.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (15 May 2008):
 If he wants his marriage to work, he should be "cleaving unto you" first, his children second, his wife and mother third, according to what is reasonable. BUT, having said that, you are dealing with a blended family which includes his children's mother, so You are going to have to exercise a lot of reason and a Lot of patience here. You are going to be the one who will set the pace and make things work, you will be the one that everyone will be taking their lead from. If you start making unreasonable demands instead of compromises, you could sink your own ship. It would be nice to wipe the slate clean and start out with a fresh new relationship, without an ex and children, but that's not what you signed up for. There are lot's of web sites and books out there with tips for making a blended family work. The great thing is that if you are willing to put the effort into making it all go smoother, you are going to wind up with a lot more extended family than most people have these days, which can be a blessing, especially if you have children of your own.
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A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (15 May 2008):
 I guess everyone has their own particular priorities, but in my opinion.
First: kids
Second: you
Third: mother/father
Fourth: other close family (brothers/sisters)
Fifth: ex
But does he have to choose? Does he really have to have "priorities"? Unless there is a serious conflict between those close to him, why should he need to spell out the priorities? He, and you, should be able to take everyone's views and needs into account when making decisions - and compromise if necessary rather than upset someone needlessly. Everyone is important in their own way - so unless we're allocating limited places on the lifeboat of a sinking ship...?
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