A
female
age
36-40,
*winkle_123
writes:Hi guys! Would really appreciate your advice please...My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me a week ago after a period of just not getting on together. Otherwise we got on well. I feel the main source of our arguments were his mood swings and problems with binge drinking. He is a lovely guy most of the time but suffers very extreme mood swings to the point where family and friends have suspected a mental health problem long before we got together. He is in a very stressful job and relies on alcohol as a crutch and ends up binge drinking to the point of blacking out. His mood changes rapidly when drunk and he has pulled disappearing acts before. I think deep down he knows he needs to address these issues but tends to take things out on and blame those closest to him.He initiated the break up although i knew myself it was for the best as we'd been argueing lots lately. I was his first proper gf and only girl he's loved, he's 27. I've moved an hour away to be with family at the moment as i have a broken foot and need looking after. The day after the break up he texted me friendly messages saying he hopes we will be best friends, that we should still visit eachother and that he is going to get professional help for his problems. He also put luvy duvy photos of us on facebook the day after break up when he never ever puts photos on facebook at all?! A week later he has now sent a very friendly public message on facebook to me? I've not replied yet. If it was me i would have sent something more private like an email or text.I miss him dearly but i know the only way i would consider getting back together would be for him to get help for his problems. And he knew that was also a condition of us remaining together b4 break up. Does anyone have any thoughts on all of this please? Do you think he is regretting the break up?Xxx
View related questions:
best friend, broke up, drunk, facebook, period, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (19 January 2011):
 Ultimately it doesn't matter what caused it. His mood swings are part of who he is. It may be bipolar, it may not. It's impossible to tell unless he goes to see a professional.
You need to decide what you want. It can be very difficult watching someone you care about self destruct. It can also be very difficult to let go of them. You need to decide if you want to be with him because you feel bad for him, or because he makes you happy. For some reason, it doesn't feel like he makes you happy to me.
A
female
reader, twinkle_123 +, writes (19 January 2011):
twinkle_123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the help so far guys, im just really confused about everything. I really don't get the behaviour after we broke up? Its so conflicting. Its the photo of us on facebook and the public message i'm finding most strange! Any more thoughts on those?
His family and friends have suspected it maybe bi-polar too as there is a family history of it. At the time he blamed me for the break up saying i nagged him too much... I only nagged cos i was worried and feeling insecure if he was coming home in a state where he couldnt speak, stand or remember anything! It made me paranoid he would cheat on me :-s it got to the stage where i was walking on eggshells with his moods and he would find any excuse to storm out to the pub! He said i didnt let him see his friends, in reality he never bothered making plans with them and slept all day on days off, maybe a sign of depression? There has been once or twice ive moaned but its been for a good reason like if he'd promised to help me out with something and then decided to ditch me last minute to meet friends in the pub. But he clings on to those rare occasions!
I genuingly think he's not well mentally as behaves so irrationaly and unpredictably sometimes. Jumping off a boat and disappearing for a couple of days on a family holiday years before he met me is an example! I think the alcohol consumption is worrying too. Looking back i think i enabled him sometimes by making excuses or getting him out of bed for work when he'd been drinking. He only seems to behave like this around those closest to him and puts on an act to work mates etc. When we were together he denied he had problems but now seems to be admitting them...
I dont know what to do, do i try and maintain contact with him? If he doesnt get help i dont know whether i could stand back and watch him self destruct whether as his gf or friend? I really do miss him but he's hurt me so much and pushed me away at times. I dont know whether the break up was him or the mood swings talking?xx
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): He has to get some professional help as it sounds as if he's at breaking point. He could be bipolar, severe mood swings etc. Anyway, these issues will not go away on their own. If you consider getting back together 'getting help' would have to be an issue - otherwise a month or so in and you'll be back where you started. You could find you are another 'crutch' he needs to keep going.
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (19 January 2011):
He's probably regretting it. Maybe he'll regret it enough to actually seek help instead of just talking about it. I think you should stand your ground though. His behavior will kill him if he doesn't get a handle on it, especially the alcohol abuse. This is one of those situations where you may have to give some tough love.
...............................
|
