A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:THE GOOD:Okay so me and this girl I'm into have hung out twice, alone. The first time was coincidental but we ended up spending 6 hours together. Then, I asked her if she wanted to do something together again and she said yes, so I took her out and then we spent nearly half the day and night out together.When we're together, she remembers every little thing I say, she's okay with me touching her and touches me. Somehow I feel like I can trust her, and we both share our little secrets with each other, everything about us. And time just flies, theres no awkwardness despite us having only known each other a few months. All the signs are there, so clear. It seems like she's into me right? Also, this seems like nothing, but she's kept our little hangouts a secret (as have I) from most of the other employees besides her best friend.THE BAD:She plays it off as a hangout, dresses completely casual, refuses to let me pay for her dinner, keeps giving me relationship advice, and at the end of the night she gives me a hug and says she had a lot of fun.THE PROBLEM:I cannot make the first move on this because we work together (retail) and it can make the whole situation explosive. As well, I think one of my best friends at work may be into her so it could cause a problem there. Also, she just came out of a very long relationship half a year ago.I need it to just happen, i need her to make it clear to me that shes willing to go for it. Either i'm totally missing the sign or there isn't one. We've hung out twice alone for real, and a bunch of other times with other people, I feel like we're really close but theres still nothing. What do I do, where is she going with this?MY OPTIONS?Right now, I'm considering the following.a) Up to now it has been me that has initiated our meetings, I can totally stop and see if after some time she initiates, to see if she's interested. This does not mean ignoring her, but rather just not asking her to anything outside of work.b) Keep asking her to hang out, and then in a few months when I quit my job, take her aside and ask her if she would be willing to date me. Although, by that time I have a sinking feeling that we may be very very very good friends and that it could kill our whole relationship.WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS SITUATION? WHAT SHOULD I DO?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Orbiter  +, writes (26 July 2011):
Meeting up twice isn't all that much really. Maybe she's still considering whether she wants a relationship or not and is trying to get to know you.
As for not dressing up, it could be that she's not overly girly and that's what she feels comfortable wearing. Not letting you pay for dinner has now become more normal for women as some are now worried they will be seen as 'freeloading' and feel uncomfortable letting someone else pay for everything. It's no longer considered the norm to automatically expect the man pay for dinner. Again this doesn't show for sure she's not interested in anything more.
If I were you I'd have a couple more dates with just you and her. Maybe dress up a bit yourself, go to a more romantic restaurant (doesn't have to be over the top or painfully obvious) to try and get the message through. Don't bring the topic of dating up for her to give you relationship advice, if she brings it up then keep it as brief as possible and maybe turn it around and casually ask what she's looking for at the moment.
If after a few more dates she still isn't giving anymore signs she's interested then just stop inviting her out on her own as she's either not interested or very indecisive and you'll probably just end up wasting your time.
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