A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I have never had a proper relationship but recently had a sort of fling with a guy he was the first guy i really got intimate with (we didn't have sex). All of my friends are in relationships and I no longer see this guy and am starting to feel quite lonely I miss the feeling of being wanted. I don't quite know how to get onto the dating scene and maybe find someone I'm quite a shy person until I get to know people is it better to push myself out of my comfort zone to meet people if so how/ where is the best place to meet people? and what do people think of online dating sites are they a good idea?thanks in advance
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (25 November 2012):
Online dating sites are excellent as places to meet some-one, and I would certainly encourage you to give them a try. Shop around though: some are free whilst others charge, and they vary a lot in how much you can find out about people from their profiles, so do your research before signing up to one. On a good dating site, you can tell people a bit about yourself and what you’re looking for, and find out this information about other people, so you can filter people out based on your preferences, and know something about each other before you meet in person if that’s what you decide to do. Make sure you follow all the safety advice though, a good site should have safety guidelines but use common sense: don’t give personal details such as an address, and be sure to meet somewhere public.
In terms of other ways to meet people, forget clubs and bars. They’re noisy environments and bad for allowing you to get to know some-one. Find groups of people who do a hobby you like, or who share an interest that you also have and make friends that way. The best relationships usually start from a strong friendship.
I wish you all the very best.
A
female
reader, Staceily  +, writes (25 November 2012):
 I met my husband on a dating site, before him I had met another guy who was a longtime boyfriend on the same dating site. In my profession I didn't meet any guys, I worked with the same 3 old men for 4 years and our customer base were old people as well. I'm also shy like you so I didn't go up to men. And I hated the club/bar scene. I checked out a few of the free sites, don't bother with those- they are absolute garbage. They are free for a reason and only people looking for a quick hook up sign up for them. I found my husband on match.com (sounds just like a commercial). I did a free trial for a week and met him and the previous boyfriend both times during a free trial. Men on sites that require a paid subscription are far more likely to be looking for something serious.
I think online dating is great because it allows you to open your options. Rather than waiting for a man to come along or hoping you come across a guy in a bar, you have tons of options you can sort through easily. You write what you want in your profile and read their profiles. Very easy to find what you are looking for. So it is recommended by me. As for how to meet men when out and about I couldn't tell you. I always waited for a guy to approach me and if it didn't happen then it didn't happen. I have only met serious boyfriends through work, friends, or online dating.
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A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (25 November 2012):
 I don't like online dating sites personally. I think women might find them helpful if they're prepared to have realistic standards and be able to put up with a lot of crassness and unwated attention.
You'd be much better getting out into the world. There are meetup websites where you can join social groups in your area for various things. There's churches if you're religious (or even if you're not). Maybe volunteer somewhere.
And then crucially, once you're out there in the world don't be afraid to make an effort to approach and meet people. I'm shy too and I know it's hard but you can do it. What's more I have quite low self esteem so I'm constantly fighting an inner voice that says "What's the point, no one will like you?" But just try to have fun anyway.
I wish you well.
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