A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok so I'm a single mom of 2 and I'm 21. I also go to school at nights. I want to kno how I can meet a good guy and wher do u meet theese good guys? I always find assholes and cheaters I can't seem to pic them well. And I don't have much free time being a full time mom and part time student. And please don't say online I've tried it and its just not my thing.I just want to find soemone my age that likes kids and is normal. I feel like that just doesn't exist. As many men as I have met none of them fit the good yung family guy typ. So plz any advise on where to find good yunger guys like under 30? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for ur advice and I see what your saying and I definately would hope I'm not doomed to be alone. Lol but I get your point. We'll see what life brings and hopefully mr right will find me:)
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 December 2010):
 Lazy Guy expressed his views in a rather forceful way but
I am afraid that he has a point : as unfair as it is , your "value " on the dating market is lowered by your being a single mom of two, regardless of your personal qualities.
Men under 30 are not too anxious to commit, in general, and least of all to a ready made family. Many of them want to have fun- and I don't mean it in a bad way at all- just that they want someone who is baggage free and carefree, and has no other obligations than her working hours . Someone who can up and take for a weekend on the spur of the moment, who can spend the night out, who can spend timethem with them NOT at the playground or the petting zoo.. And, in view of a possible future together, as cynical as it may sound, someone who has no previous financial obligations and can put all her financial resources toward the couple - and a new family.
I don't mean to discourage you or to say that you are doomed to be alone. Just , to accept without excessive frustration that yes,for you finding the right partner is gonna be harder. And most probably you won't meet him in a bar.
I would not dismiss right away Internet dating- I think there are also sites for single parents. Or, perhaps you should consider expanding your age range, I think older guys would be more accepting of your situation. Or, as lame as it sounds, meet people through your church, now most churches have become "hip " and organize social events.
Most of all, I'd tell you for now to shift your focus from guys and dating to completing your education, getting a good job and building a good future for yourself and your kids.
After all ,love matters are rather unpredictable.
Cupid's arrows can strike while you are quieuing at the bus, or shopping at the supermarket, or in your dentist's waiting room. When it happens, it happens, whether you are seeking or not.
But career matters , and building your future, you've got much more control over that.
...............................
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (7 December 2010):
 You want the truth? Yes, men your age ARE hiding from a single mother of two with no job.
Being a single mom is hard work? I am sure it is. So? You didn't ask for a pat on the head did you? You asked were single men between the age 20-30 are when a single mother of two with no job comes looking for someone for a long term relationship.
My answer: hiding. Oh okay, lets explain this.
What are men age 20-30 looking for? You most likely already know the answer for a large number of men. After all, you got two kids.
The number of men looking for a long term relationship in your age range are very limited. Will they be looking for a ready made family? No.
This is not about being rude but it might be a rude wake-up call. YOU are NOT prime real estate. You might be the sweetest nicest person around, but you got two kids. ANYBODY considering dating you will also have to deal with those two kids. Most young men do not want this. And even if a man wants a family at such a young age, wouldn't he want a family with his own kids? But that means even more small children. How many men still want a large family?
Are you clean? I mean, what about the father(s) of the children? Dealing with ex'es is not something people look forward to but with kids involved you often can't escape it.
Try to see yourself, with your kids, through someone elses eyes. Now look next to you, there stands an equally nice and sweet person, but with no baggage. What choice would YOU make?
Why do you think people try to warn young girls against becoming teen mums? Sure sure, you can find plenty of boys willing to make you a mum, far fewer to make you a wife. While you are running around behind two kids, the other women your age are dating and getting married.
I can dress it up in nice words and say there is someone for everyone and that your prince will come some day. But Cinderella did NOT have two screaming kids in tow. If she had, the prince would have done a u-turn and kept on looking.
Does that mean all men are scum? Maybe but that doesn't change the issue. It takes two people to make a relationship. Both will only start it if they think the other is what they are looking for.
Now ask yourself this, just because you are looking for men type X, what makes you think men type X is looking for you?
Being able to attract men easily is NOT the point. We know you can do that, that is how you got two kids. But men will screw anything. Marrying? Now that is another thing.
If you want to date, that is easy. Persuading a man to take you AND your two kids. That will be a far harder sell. Where do you find such a person? Nowhere. Such a guy won't be hanging around on the dating scene. Neither will he be at school. It will be someone who for some reason is willing and ready to make a major commitment at a young age.
You more or less didn't have a choice but to become a mum and face up to it all. A man thinking of dating you HAS. If you saw yourself standing there and could just walk away without any feelings of loss because you are not yet connected to yourself, would you? Be honest.
That is why I say men are hiding. Not because you are not worthy of love, but because most men will just be to scared to risk it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNot trying to be rude but being a full time mom is one of the hardest jobs. And I find it rude of u to say hiding??? I'm very attractive and sweet and I do attract men easily just the wrong ones and I do live a city ..a big city. When I do go out I usually go to a bar w some friends but In my experience u can't meet a good Guy at a bar. Should I start going to cofee shops?lol ... any places u could think of that yunger ,decent men might hang out?
...............................
A
male
reader, LazyGuy +, writes (6 December 2010):
21 year old mother of two with no job being a part-time student: "Where have all the good, single men gone?"
Answer: In hiding.
...............................
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (6 December 2010):
 Well do you live in a city? Cos if you live in a small country town or something then online dating is gonna be your best chance at finding a good single guy...
But you may have to trawl for him.
...............................
|
