A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok...well I met my boyfriend 3 years ago and we started dating pretty soon after that. I've dated a few guys before him but he was the first guy I ever fell in love with. Things were awesome for about a year before I had to move several states away. We had always planned on getting married after college and starting a family because our personalities blended so well and we always had fun and never had any major arguments...so we decided to stick to our plan but have a long distance relationship. Things seemed to be going ok until a few months ago when he told me he was starting to fall for another girl in his neighborhood. We never really kept secrets and he told me he was confused about what to do about the whole thing. I didn't want to force him to stay with me when I couldn't even be there with him. So I told him we could try an open relationship until I got back. He started seeing this girl and I flirted with some people too but never slept with any of them because me and my boyfriend were virgins and we intended on saving ourselves for eachother until both of us were ready. So I moved back home about 3 months ago and my boyfriend was really depressed because he'd just slept with the other girl and felt like a complete jackass...but I still wanted to be with him so he broke up with the other girl. Me and him finally got officially engaged and slept together and then just last week I get a call from the other girl saying that she's pregnant and the baby is his. Now she's pressuring him to break up with me so he can marry her and take care of their baby...and wants me completely out of the picture.He's majorly confused and told her he wants to be with me...but then he gets so upset because he doesn't want his kid growing up in a broken home like he'd had.I don't ever want to lose him because I'm honestly not the type to even highly like someone and he's the only one I've ever loved.I don't know what to do. I want to stay with him and let him know that I want us to stay together, because he's the most important person in my life and has been for years...but I don't want him always feeling bad about not being with his child. Then I considered just staying with him in secret but letting him be with her too cuz at this point it's not about him caring about her feelings, just wanting to be with his child. And then I considered ending our relationship because I don't know if I can stand seeing another girl taking my place and having his family...which was supposed to be my job...but I don't know if I could bring myself to do that even if it was the best choice...I don't know...I'm just so confused right now.
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broke up, depressed, engaged, fell in love, flirt, long distance Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): Leave him! It is not fair to u to have to see that baby and be reminded of what he did.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): This is complicated. You are young and in the normal scheme of things probably too young to settle down just yet. So don't feel you have to rush into anything to 'secure' your man from this other girl. She is having his baby so she and the child will always be in his life. He must decide what he needs to do. You love him, but give him space to think about how things will work out. Then decide where your relationship is going.
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A
female
reader, Mjfbla +, writes (6 December 2010):
 Ok first of all, sit him down and let him know that you are here for him through this whole things. That you love him. Tell him you want to be with him. That you guys can make it work. If he shares custody of his child and gets married to you, and has babies with you then he is not bringing anyone into a broken family. As long as there is love from you, and the kids mom, and him then the kid will be ok. Tell him you are willing to work with him and bring his child into your family. But also let him know you arent going to lose him over this. He is important to him. He is the one for you. And you want to marry him. You arent a gf you are his fiance and his x will have to accept that. DO NOT LET HIM GO OR SECRETELY DATE HIM! You do not deserve that. You will get crazy jealous(who wouldnt?) and it will destroy your relationship.
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