A
male
age
30-35,
*inetiesKid
writes:I've found my low self-esteem to be a very undesirable problem in my life and I'm getting pretty sick of it since I can't talk to anyone without worrying that they're looking at my hearing aids (for example). I know myself how stupid it sounds and how it shouldn't even be an issue since it could be a lot worse and it's not my fault, but this doesn't make me any more of a confident person.So, I'm wondering, how does someone who has never had a good self-esteem get a better one? There must be some sort of activity that would improve it, surely, or is it simply the people around you and the things you've experienced what make your self-esteem what it is?I hope I've spoken sense, many apologies if I haven't.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 August 2011):
 What is a grade zero? Did you mean you cut your hair?
Like I was getting at, wouldn't it be much more refreshing to show off your hearing aids and get it out there, rather than sneaking them away and hope no one notices?
It's like having a pimple between your eye brows. Which I had one morning when I woke up. I could add makeup to it, but.. everyone would still see it was there, and the only other option to people seeing it was to stay at home! Not quite comparable, but you get the idea. Some things you just have to dive into and accept that people WILL see, but the world isn't going to end.
The thing about not judging others is a mental catch. If you always judge others it is reasonable to think they will also judge you. Which you then deserve because you are none the better yourself. This is a logical reasoning, since we can't read the mind of others we always assume they think like we do. But if you don't judge others you have less reason to think you are being judged yourself.
Naturally you can never know what people think, unless they are terrible at lying. But it makes you feel better, so why not go for the life philosophy that makes you feel good about life as opposed to negative and suspicious. That's my thought anyways.
Only judgmental people will judge you for your hearing aids. No need to associate with those kinds of people anyway, is there?
It wont help you much now, but it is QUITE normal for teenagers to feel unsure about themselves and not have the greatest of confidence. Try not to let that stop you from opening up and being nice to other people though. When you get older, around 23-25, you will have gained more confidence naturally. Adults do not compare themselves so much to others as teenagers do, and are more independent.
But be nice to those around you, because I bet you there are several people just as unsure abut themselves as you, who would be grateful if you approached them and made friends. Especially as you have your hearing aids I think. For the lack of a better word (English not being my mother tongue), your hearing aids is like a disarmament. Makes you less scary. People would feel more relaxed around you.
A
male
reader, NinetiesKid +, writes (26 August 2011):
NinetiesKid is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello ChiGirl! I recently got a grade zero to my long hair which makes my hearing aids very revealing which brought about something quite surprising, I no longer feel the need to wear hats that cover them up.
Reading your advice made me think about myself, I feel I am quite a judgemental person due to my complete lack of trust for anyone outside of the family.
Thanks a lot for responding to my question, I will definately take your advice.
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A
male
reader, NinetiesKid +, writes (26 August 2011):
NinetiesKid is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello anonymous! I've tried the whole acting confident thing, it does work, for a short while but I don't feel happy with the person I'm trying to be, like I've had a few to drink, like if I get something I want I'll feel guilty about getting it because I wasn't being who I really am, if that makes sense..
That Irag Punk dude is an inspiration though!
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (24 August 2011):
To be honest I have no idea. So many people are in the same boat as you though, wondering how to feel better about themselves.
How do you view people? Do you judge others? Self esteem comes from the inside and out, and I believe if you never judge another person you end up looking at life differently, and wont worry about people judging you in return. So that is a start. Practice thinking good things about everyone around you.
Second: do something stupid. Something you KNOW people will look at you for and laugh at you for. Then see what happens. The strangest things could happen... But facing your fears is always a great place to begin, whatever problem it is you want to solve.
What about taking out your hearing aids one day and when people talk to you you go "WHAAT? Can't hear you! Wait a second!" and then demonstratively put the hearing aids in. Or turn the volume down and do the same, then turn it up when people watch so they can see in the open that you wear them. The point is: you wont wonder if they are looking at it any longer, because you know they have seen it and now you've got it out of the way and possibly made a joke about it too.
Last piece of advice: like the Joker said "why so serious?". Don't take yourself too seriously.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2011): From yourself. I hereby insist that you run about acting, even if you can't muster the feeling, like you are the exact center of the universe. Do it for a day or so, and realize that when you have confidence to speak up, to act up, and to express yourself you contribute something of value. If it doesn't work: wash, rinse, repeat. And don't worry about the disability, I know a punk rocker that's minus two legs from Iraq and still manages to be the cockiest son of a bitch I know. Take care.
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