A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 23, have Asperger's syndrome, and although I've had some struggles in life, things have got a fair bit better over the past 2 years (well, since November 2008 to be really technical, but...).I find it difficult to make friends, unless they're people older than me (I get on well with friends of my mum and dad though, but they've got their own lives to lead), and I do have a job, again, though, I do have friends, but don't see them outside of work since they have their own lives to lead or do another job on the side for the same firm. I find it difficult to get on with people my own age due to what I know about - I'm proficient in computing, business systems, know about cookery, geography, health and safety and business law etc. I'm interested in computers, socialising, travel, motorbikes/automobiles, cookery and have recently been looking into getting into graphic design [Photoshop] - have been practising extensively to try and learn it.I'm not a skilled artist, but at Photoshop I'm very skilled, have done so since CS3.I've also recently found out for myself that I'm gay (and not by looking at pornography, can't stand porn myself, don't confuse it with anti-porn movements, just personal like/dislike as with flavour of ice-cream!) and I've no issue with it, I am who I am, it's just one more thing in addition to my Asperger's. I don't consider it a label in the same way as my Asperger's is.However, it's impossible for me to meet any gay men who would date me in my area, as I live in a rural Lincolnshire village that borders on South Yorkshire (I have to cross over the border, just to get to work, as there's nothing in my town!!) - so where would I meet gay people, preferably my own age?Is the gay "scene" (and I use the term loosely) as good as it's made out to be? I'm sure there are other gay "scene"s beside gay bar/clubs etc. but due to my interests - I doubt I'd find any that are popular with gay men - it's not like gay men's football club or gay men's choir etc.I'm not open about it, and only my parents know, no-one else, especially as it's a small rural village.How can I get out and find more social activities where I would be able to meet a boyfriend/partner and not just find one who wants a sex-only relationship, but a proper, long-term companionship (like they show on Queer As Folk, if you remember that on Channel 4?)My apologies if this is too long, and note, no personal details have been given for obvious reasons [safety].cheers, Steve
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011): O Steve, when I read your letter I thought, "O man, you're just like my friend who also has Aspergers--same scenario". You want to connect with guys your own age, but there is just this 'communication' gap, or this 'mind' gap. It's like you're on the same field but playing different games. And the only ones who notice you and take interest in you are old enough to be your father.And being the 'way you are' you've already researched and thought out the pros and cons of every which way to 'hook up' with someone. Internet hookups for your level of commitment are next to impossible, gay bars and the gay 'scene' are way too flakey. You already know this.I would suggest you be some kind of volunteer in an organization in your community that has a lot of interpersonal exchange with the public, such as your local library, where you will meet a lot of people. In the meeting of a lot of people your chances of finding someone compatible are greatly increased.You are very intelligent and knowledgable concerning many topics--just like my friend. Try not to impress others with how much you know--it comes across as "I'm really smart and you're not". And by the way Queer As Folk is fiction--don't look for that in your real life.All the best--wish I lived near you.
A
male
reader, AvgGuy1  +, writes (1 August 2011):
 I think your best bet is on-line dating sites.
Try gay.com, gaydar.co.uk, gay friend finder, and gay singles online. gaydar is a little more 'cruisy' (for sex) but the others seem more date like.
The 'gay scene' (i.e. bars and clubs) isn't for everyone. You just have to check it out yourself.
Just google "online gay date" - there are plenty of results... and trust me... there are PLENTY of gay geek types (business, banking, photography, computers, travel/geography, cooking, etc.) When you sign up online you just need to put in your profile that you are looking for someone with similar or complimentary interests.
Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2011): I wouldn't trust dating sites, too much of a risk for scammers, 419/advance fee fraud scammers, Viagra/hoodia spammers etc. so where else could I meet people?
thanks, Steve
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A
male
reader, aaringurl  +, writes (31 July 2011):
Ohh.. there are tons of gay people out there. The thing is, the places they live in. It's hard to have a long-distance relationship too since you can't see each other that often. That's a pretty hard dilemma you have there.
I've been having the same prob myself. I'm fancy more foreigners than the guys in my own country. Thing is, I live half around the world, so, sigh*
Just keep looking steve! Goodluck!
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