A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was with my boyfriend off and on for 2 years I was pregnant back in june but I miscarried in September of 2009. We had problems for the whole two years he never really wanted a relationship but I did, I guess after browbeating him so much he finally consented. When we were good we were really good, we could talk about anything the attraction was off the scale between us and he had alot of the qualities that I wanted in a husband he is 35 and I am 34. He was my best friend we would spend practically every weekend together.The first 8 months he was going back and forth between me and another girl. Things didnt work out between them too, so it has always felt that I won by default that if things had worked out we wouldnt be together. So all through out our relationship I always carried this insecurity. Its funny I actually didnt fall in love with him until I got pregnant,because he became so attentive and loving and I could see that he would be a great father. Well come to find out cheated on me I found out and I was devasted his reason or excuse was that he wasnt happy and that everytime I got mad at him I would say it was over so he basically said forget it. We still tried to make it work I guess because I was pregant. When I lost the baby a week later he ended things with me (I knew it was comming) but losing my baby and my boyfriend was almost to much for me to deal with. It would have been a first child for both of us. We said alot of ugly and mean things to each other and I feel he doesnt want to talk to me or see me because I remind him of what could have been. The last time we spoke was back in February 2010. Its been about 3 months since I last emailed/texted/spoke to him over the phone, I thought I was finally getting over him but these last two weeks I have been crying like crazy, and missing him. It hurts so much that you can spend and share so much with a person and they can cut you out of their lives like its nothing, like you never existed. He says he can do this because he is tired of fighting with me and he doesnt want that in his life anymore. I can understand that but how do you go from talking to someone everyday to just nothing? I just feel like im getting over 2 deaths at one time and I dont know what to do. I want to call so bad but I know I just will be rejected and that will make me feel even worse. But I feel like things are so unfinished between us. Any advice you can give would be great, I just want my life back.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for the feedback, Caring Guy your right its hard for me to admit this but he didnt really care anything about me and that hurts to say. I think I'm more mad at myself then at him because of the fact that I wasted two years of my life on someone that wasnt deserving of me, and your right I am looking into counseling because I am having a hard time getting over this.
Also thank you A female reader, anonymous the only blessing in losing my child if there is one is that i dont have to deal with him in my life forever and that I wouldnt want him as my childs father period.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2010): Hun, I don't mean to be awful but forget him already.
Grieve for him then move on and be thankful you are not tied to this indecisive, non-commital, flaky person for the rest of your life due to a child.
I know it must be very very hurtful to lose a child and that's natural to feel that way, but he doesn't deserve your sadness.
He has never given you proper love or commitment, so what are you going to miss now he has gone??
Get your life back together and meet new people. Trust me, once you find the guy that is right for you, you will look back at this with scorn at how upset you are over this guy. Trust me - i have been there and got the t-shirt on this one.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (1 June 2010):
I know this is awful, and at a time like this I really feel bad for you. And this won't get easier until you accept there was never anything between you that was of substance. He was never committed in the first place, and was seeing another woman all the time. He cheated on you. It took you 2 years to get to a point where he faked that he would commit. He was never going to commit. You have got to stop thinking there is unfinished business. There is nothing. That's why he can cut you out. Because there is nothing unfinished.
If you want your life back, you have to accept that this is over. You really do need to see a counsellor as well, because you're suffering and not dealing with it. Get counselling, and just start to build yourself a step at a time. Don't do too much at once. But you need to accept that he is gone. In truth, he was never there. There is no unfinished business at all. Focus on yourself.
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