A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:this is long.. but i really just want to know WHAT HAPPENED!!??!! I know i need to move on, and forgive myself.. but i just dont get WHY this person wont just admit what he did.I was with this guy for 4 years.. on and off. Off is when he would be mean and cruel to me until i leave him alone. Then "On" months later he came to find me when he was struggling and i helped him because i knew he'd be out in the street. He told me things would get better once he got more established with his job. But soon after he started to distance himself.. and only seeing me once a week for late at night and HAD to leave early in the morning for work. i kept telling him he was treating me like a booty call and he said "it may look that way but its not what it is" and he said he'd try and make more time. Instead he started to distance himself, and he would have time to hang out with his buds at night. He'd make excuses that he lived "too far now, and was concerned about me driving late" (Its like 15-20 min from my house- Not far at all) He then would get very upset everytime i mentioned he wasnt trying to see me more or even at a decent hour. (i wasnt asking for a whole day just not late at night anymore.. come on the "time spent" was really just him having sex with me and then getting ready to leave early would be my only time to even have a convo with him.)Soon he just became more and more disrespectful, i started to tell him he must be seeing someone else, and then he would say.. I was always piss him off. and horrible names. He then cut me out of his life, and told me that he was sick and tired of me. Of me always "complaining" whenever i told him he was treating me bad. That i never gave him a chance to "make things right". it would be like pulling teeth to just hang out with him, and when he did hang out with me he would try and convince me to go to one of his other friends parties. IT kills me to know that he just used me and told me "what i wanted to hear" and "he has no use for me anymore" he completely denys just using me for sex. And when he moved he really had no intension to keep me in his life. He has a job now and completely doesnt care that i helped him sooooo many times when he was broke.I just want him to admit what he did. ADMIT that what he did was wrong. ITs been 7 months now and still i just cant let it go. Im so angry and just want him to admit. i just want closure. Theres not one day i go buy that i dont think of how wrong he did me and how shady he did me. If he wouldnt have lied and told me and created this fantasy life things would be better when he got a job type stuff. I coulndt be so upset. I want to feel normal as i have lost myself. No feeling.So reading this.. what happened/? why did this happen to me.. why did wont he just tell me the truth. why did he bail on me like that?? after alllll those times ive been there for him.He would talk to his friends (girls) about relationship problems but WILL NEVER JUST COME TO ME!! Instead he just says i annoyed the **** out of him. and that he doesnt care so why should he entertain my feelings, as im "emotion driven" with everything.I ended want the answer so bad i just cant stop calling him and calling him.. he says im so pushy and persistant its annoying. i just want to know why he played me??
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female
reader, psychic fiona +, writes (1 November 2012):
 im glad you are finally making piece with yourself, but now is time heal,and let a good guy come along,and dont jump in any guys arms dont look for them let them come looking for that is a sign that they wanna be with you,and take your time dont fall for anybody let them do the falling for you, so u can know if hes true or not.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you everyone for you responses. I appreciate you taking the time to read my post. I have tried to convince myself for so long that maybe "i did something wrong" and in all reality needed a confirmation that im not going nuts. He was just so manipulative to flip the script and tell me i was crazy and he was just tired of me. NEVER just telling me what i did to him. I wanted to hear an actual response as to what i did wrong for him to do that to me. He in fact DID give me a response, it was "I dont care".."You piss me off all the time".. Always when i asked told him to stop treating me like an flip. He never gave me a straight answer just a generic non answer. Its an easy way out for him i guess... I just wanted to some understanding.UPDATE: I went overboard yest. Called and called and continued this morning and He changed his number. So there it is. I can heal now.. sadly i had to push and push and give into my temptations. But i rather know i can't call him anymore and even if there are two sides like he says.. i just wanted NORMAL communication. And he just distanced himself for days and weeks at a time till HE felt he wanted to talk.. thats just not right. @Xearo - you wrote "aren't good enough when we are scorned for trying which can cause us to distance ourselves. " .. My "complaints" were: I simply told him how he was treating me time and time again and that i didnt want a relationship like that.. he then told me he'd try and find more time a better time once he was established.. but instead he just distanced himself, became meaner and ruder and finally told me .. "he was tired of me". thats not really complaining on my part, Yes he got tired of it becasue he really had NO INTENSION to keep his words. He thought if he moved to a new city he could just cut me out of his life like no big deal. I Knew him for over 5 years.. not that he owes me anything.. but at least dont try and play nice guy and tell me nice things and talk about marriage if you clearly "are sick of me". Anyhow.. he did say what you said about "guys way of thinking" .. i just think.. its easier to tell the truth from the beginning than to lead someone on for months when your the broke one and then when you have money just to diss you. I can say with a clear conciounce ive never screwed him over i just wanted a true friendship..and he just played me. I know ihave to take responsibility on my part for allowing it to go on for so long. and I will.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2012): The Guy is a piece of ^^^t and never cared about you from the beginning, you were nothing more than a booty call to him and what he could get out of you, the guy is a user, a liar and lord knows what else. You complained all the time because your instincts was kicking in, you knew something was wrong with that late night sex and anything you did pissed him off, if he cared anything about you he would have listen to you.He was just hanging on to you for help until he got established on his job. Forget about wanting him to amit to what he did, the only time he will amit to what he did is when he get down and out and need your help again.If I were you I would accept the fact that I was a f%%l for letting him used me and move on in life, tell yourself that you got used once but it will never happen again, look at it as he has being a good teacher, he taught you well so now you know not to fall in the same trap.You got a good heart and was just trying to help his silly a$$. He will need you before you will need him.Don't sit around worring about a guy that's not worth it.You should be able to feel when a guy really care about you and you should be able to feel when a guy is using you.I hope you will get over this asshole real soon.You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2012): You need to hit rock bottom in this situation. I think you're close, but it's not until you hit rock bottom that you find the answers within yourself.For whatever reason, he can't give you the answer. he's selfish, he's absorbed, he didn't love you, he's a user, you were a booty call....who knows what his reason was. Perhaps he can't even put his finger on it.You just need to stop looking for an answer FROM him and come to a conclusion yourself. Objectively what does your head say??I was used once for sex by a guy. I didn't understand it - what happened until the heartache wore off and I matured a little. I realized that he just used me for some fun. I didn't need him to admit to that or tell me that. I figured it out myself.What do you think happened? By reading your story it looks like you were to willing to accommodate him without any type of commitment from him. So, it looks like he sought sex,superficial comforts and financial help from you. However you allowed him to do this to you over and over again in the hopes that something would change.Honestly, he's not going to admit to anything. Why would he, he owes you nothing. He's a prick and he doesn't feel like admitting to anything. This is where you need to grow and become a strong woman. Never put yourself in a situation like that honey. Never compromise yourself like that. Have higher expectations of the men your seeing. Expect commitment before having sex. Look for men you have chemistry and fun with, who love spending time with you and are there for you. He's not worth another moment of thought. Close that door and never look back in. Although a very silly book, ready 'he's just not that into you' it has some very smart points every girl should be aware of. Hope things get better. Surround yourself with friends and family and go out have some fun!
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (30 October 2012):
I think he is probably telling you his truth in that he does actually think you are pushy and annoying.
I am sure he does appreciate you but perhaps there is only so much complaining that one can take. I'm sure he could have handled the situation better but the things he did probably did think (his point of view) that he was trying. The thing is that some guys (myself included) feel like we aren't good enough when we are scorned for trying which can cause us to distance ourselves. From what you've said, you basically told him to try harder but you never actually said what it was you wanted. I'm sure after all his attempts of "trying" and only receiving complaints, it just made it worse and worse and he just did whatever it was you wanted just to make you happy.
At the end of it all you argue now that all you want from him is to admit it. Guys are tend to be more logical about things...if you have a problem = we try to solve/fix it. "Admitting" to a problem doesn't change much other than making the girl feel better, which some boyfriends will do, but others can't really comprehend why this would fix anything. You call him repeatedly just for him to say that he admitted...which I'm sure seems crazy because it isn't even to talk about things, explain or anything else.
It takes a certain kind of lady to break things down for guys. And similarly it takes a certain kind of guy to understand a lady. In this case, communication just went wrong so no one is specifically to blame. Just move on and learn from it in a positive way. You've helped someone and it didn't work out, these things happen so I hope you have better luck in the future. You are definitely a good person so things WILL work out :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2012): I feel really sorry for you and to hear that you were treated this way reminds me a lot of what I had gone through. Please try to forgive him just so that YOU can live in peace. This world is full of assholes and if you don't leave them before they take advantage of you, they will leave you after they take full advantage of you. I am sure that a kind human being like yourself will find someone else in the future who will treat them the right way. You need to believe that he is a user and a rotten rat and you need to move on for your own happiness. All you can do is learn from this lesson and seek happiness with someone who will treat you right. Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, psychic fiona +, writes (30 October 2012):
you really are driving yourself crazy over this, he is not gonna take the time out to exspain somthing that he does not care about and also you need to make piece with yourself about this because your looking for answers from a guy that does not care.you will not get nothing from him,so you need to find closure on your own, and put this in your mind hes not even worth calling even to drive him crazy, so stop calling him and move forward you have so much ahead of you .
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A
male
reader, TomWilkinson  +, writes (30 October 2012):
 To be blunt, he sounds like a bit of an arse.
The oldest trick in the book of being a bloke, is treat them like crap until they get rid of you. It sounds like he wants out, but doesn't want to be the one to end it.
Quite frankly, it sounds like you should let him get on with it, find someone who deserves you and leave him to his shallow endeavours.
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