A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 34 years old, and despairing of ever finding my Mr Right. I thought I had found him, but just before Christmas we split up. It really sucks being single in your thirties. Everyone of my local friends has settled down now, meaning that their priorities have changed and therefore can no longer go out because they have no time/money. Therefore, I tend to go out on my own.Anyway, I have tried joining local groups in an attempt to meet some more people of my age. You named it, I have probably joined it. I have just joined an arts group. I am enjoying it, but I am the youngest there by 30 years!!! Most of the people I work with are nearing retirement, and all of them are in relationships, have kids, etc. so the same reason as before - no time, money, to go out etc. In fact, when I started work there my boss said 'we don't go out socially here'.I did voluntary work for 6 years - yet again, I was the youngest there by about 20 years and didn't meet people of my own age.As for dating, I met previous dates through a very good local dating agency. I met my ex-boyfriend there. I had been planning to use them again, but they kept cancelling events. I then discovered from them that they had closed down (their last event had 18 women booked to only 6 men!) Where are all the single men? So, there is now no local method of meeting single men. I think the loss of this dating agency has been a real blow to me.And yes...I have done the whole internet dating thing. I am registered on the most popular dating website. I know I am not the only one in saying this but by the time you've filtered out all the ones who are married, only out for sex, timewasters, live hundreds of miles away or are just plain weird there is barely anyone left!!!! I've been on dates but they just make me realise how much I wish my ex boyfriend and I had worked things out.I enjoy dancing but most of the guys there are ones who have been dragged out by their wives so no joy there either.I am very active in the community, but there seems to be no-one of my age around. I guess most of the men in my age group have settled down now.It's really getting me down that I haven't met friends to hang out with/guys to date. I can hardly hang around bars on my own. I need some words of wisdom.....
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christmas, I work with, money, my boss, my ex, split up Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2010): Man, this sounds like my life story! After a 12 year relationship, I have just split from my boyfriend. And I have the very same problem! My friends are all married with kids or married, period. Damn, its good to know that Im not the only one. And I am also 34 going on 35 shortly. So I sympathise totally!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 June 2010):
 Sure,ChiGirl, only the trick perhaps is taking a trip but with no other expectations than relaxing and seeing new places. Cupid is a mean shifty little bastard, if he knows you are waiting for him, he won't show up. Plus, it will probably rain all the time, lol
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 June 2010):
 See, told you you should take a vacation lol
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (27 June 2010):
My words of wisdom would be very similar to what Caring Guy said and I will reinforce them with the story of what happened to my sister. My sister, when she was about 33, broke up with her long time boyfriend, and found out, much to her surprise and dismay, that it was like playing musical chairs. She had been left standing. She was a very pretty girl, with education,a great job and her own apartment, she was good at sports, well dressed, a great cook,...it's not as if she had nothing to offer. But she found your same difficulties in meeting people. Hanging out with her married friends and their husbands was not very useful to find romance, -she tried hanging out with younger girlfriends, but she was past the stage of clubbing and bar crawling. People she met through cultural associations were too old,people at work too young. Etc. etc.etc. She got discouraged , she gave up, and to celebrate her newly embraced "spinsterhood" she offfered herself a trip to Egypt. Alone. With no other intent than seeing the Pyramids. At some archeological site she met a very cool Swiss guy, they spent a few hours together,went out to dinner, exchanged phone numbers, he promised to come and visit her in her town in Northern Italy. She thought "yeah right " and ,with a little sigh of regret, went on with her tour.The first Saturday after she had come back home , the Swiss guy showed up at her door. And came back the following weekend, and that after,and after... ( he lived about 400 km away ). After 15 months they were married. They still are and have two beautiful children.The moral would be : never say never. And : love is not something that you look for, it's something that finds you- Often, when and where you least expect it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2010): I think this is good advice. I'm divorced, in my mid-forties and looking to date again. I share the frustrations you mention but am now finding happiness doing things just because they give me joy, even though I'm always checking out the available men, who seem to all be your age! :) Keep working on becoming the best you that you can be and it will happen when the time is right.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (27 June 2010):
I guess you are only down to one more option. Move. How large is the city you now live in? I'm thinking about what the percentage of single men would be. And you might want to consider going down on the age, find a man 5 years younger? It is not too much of a difference in age (if a man acts childish at 25 I assume he will act childish at 30 too). I mean he a guy is otherwise nice and all. Online dating and broadening your horizon? Have you tried online dating only for people locally, or world wide? Maybe it is time to give yourself a break from the man hunt and just take a well earned vacation to relax.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (27 June 2010):
My words of wisdom are these. I wanted a girlfriend, and tried hard to find one. I didn't get anywhere, so for a while I decided to just focus on my own life and do my own thing. Then one day, whilst minding my own business, a woman walked into me (literally I might add, whilst holding coffee - it could have been straight out of a film). I fell for her, and that was it.
The point is, you're trying very hard. Maybe too hard. And if you try too hard, people can feel it and will avoid you a bit more. There are men of your age around, but to find them sometimes you just have to step back and observe. Continue to do your own thing, and make sure your life is as fulfilled as possible. There is a guy out there. I don't know when you will find him, but you're more likely to find him when you're trying to walk through a cafe with coffee in your hand than you are trying all out to find one.
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female
reader, Auntie Kim +, writes (27 June 2010):
The men are out there probably wondering "where are all the women?!"
Rather than dating to find someone to have a relationship with, why don't you just try and be friends. The more friends you have the larger your social circle will become and eventaully... the more men you will meet as potential in the future. Stop worrying about finding "Mr Right" and if "Mr Right now" comes along great.
It seems like you have an active social life and that is great. But you need to stop trying so hard. Enjoy being on your own; enjoy your own company and when you stop looking I'm sure that someone will come along.
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