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male
age
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anonymous
writes:Girls, what all do you do in a relationship to make things happy and strong between you and your partner. I mean EVERYTHING..from getting up in the morning to the time you go to bed. I am in a relationship for past 14 months and I love her a lot and she says she does too. But whenever i express my expectations from my life partner she starts to get mad at me...for example i tell her how caring my sis-in-law is for my brother ..how she takes care of him and she does follow what my brother says..i do not say all this to make her feel i am asking for all this...but it makes me feel so happy by looking at this behavior from my sis-in-law and i really dream of my wife to be "somewhat" of that nature...but she just blows out at me. Where am i wrong?...and she constantly talks about her family..how much she loves them and wants to visit them every weekend or whenever she wants. Whenever we are together she would talk to her parents on the phone couple of times for 5-15 mins but when out of blue my brother calls me and i pick up the phone she would make faces. Why? I told her i need privacy after we get married and do not like her parents calling you every now and then, and she again blew up and said she will visit them, talk to them as many times in a day she wants...i feel like i am shit..she is 28 1/2 and i am 27..does age makes a difference? I think every man has a feeling of his wife respecting him and caring about him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do not know...i just cannot let her go...she means the world to me...she belongs to me...i would not be able to live without her as i love her so much....
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (7 August 2009):
If she's getting mad at you literally over nothing, then she sounds like she has some psychological issues. Could be that she is still scarred from her previous marriage and nitpicks and points out anything and everything as if it's a sign that there's something wrong with you. Maybe you're too good to be true to her, so she will find something wrong that isn't really there--some people do that. However, someone that starts to physically harm themself has some serious psychological issues and she probably needs help. I'm sorry, but until she finds a way to fix her problem you're going to be miserable in this realtionship. So you can try to coax her into therapy as you feel that this is an unstable relationship and you don't know what else to do (maybe even couple's therapy) or you can walk. Because things won't change.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFriends i really do not know...But yes one things is there...she was once divorced and I have always been single..she was married for almost three years...but stayed with her ex for like 15 months..he used to treat her like shit...he even broke her little finger pinky...u know what ...she told this to me once...and it makes me down sometimes...that she went to meet him all the way 10000 miles before their wedding anniversary.....so that she could save her marriage....he made love to her all that time...she told me he said "its our anniversary honey..i wanna make love to u"...she stayed for 3 days and when she came back he started abusing her and all that..telling her if she ever came here again she would see very bad results.......BUT I AM NOT AT ALL LIKE THAT BASTARD....i love her so much, care about her, buy her presents, surprise her, respect her....make sure i do everything she wants me to do.....u know wwhat....today she sent me flowers as we had very very bad arguments last night....and she crossed all the limits...she said so bad words to me...again..."get the hell out of my car.."..and " guy like you do not know how to keep a relationship"....she literally went mad and starting hurting herself...i got so scared ...that i said to her ok honey..ok i am going..u be happy...if i am so bad i wont show u my face....please do not do this as it hurts me a lot and kills my heart when u do something like this to urself as i madly love u.....but she said..if u would have loved me u would not have done this....i never did anything.....this happene at 8 pm ...and then again she called me at 11 pm and said "where are u..i am just concerned about u..where are u....just want to say i am sorry..."...and u know...i said i am feeling so down..so sad and i had tears in my eyes as getting married to someone is my BIG DREAM but this dream is getting shattered every day...it hurts....and she said to me.."i just wanted to say i am sorry..if u still do not wanna talk properly i wanna hang up"...and i said ok hang up...and she did....then she sent me red roses today at work...and i called her after receiving roses aksing if she sent it (there was no name) and she said yes...i asked her why did u send it?...she said she loves me a lot and thats why she sent them.....i said it is not making me a different person..i am so badly hurt that these flowers are not enough to make me happy again....she said u r again doing it and hung up the phone....
ladies what do u think....doesn't it show u now that it's me who ALWAYS bend down in front of her and say sorry even if it is not my fault...i am really soft hearted and i want her so so bad that i give up..and go to her asking for forgivess...even if i am not wrong.....to be honest..i feel sometimes why did i approach her on the very first place...why did i fall for her....i dont know what a married life is...she is experienced and if this is what a married life is i do not want to be married ever....i am losing my heart in marriage...i am losing my heart in love....i am losing it...i just wish god could really make my dream of marrying someone who desperately love ME..and AND WHO I LOVE.....she is making me depressed but i find my heart wanting her all the times even if she has done wrong to me....i just do not know what to do...i am blank in my mind....
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reader, pinktopaz +, writes (6 August 2009):
This is why everyone that gave you a response would assume that you compare her to your sister-in-law from your post that I'm about to copy and paste: "...for example i tell her how caring my sis-in-law is for my brother ..how she takes care of him and she does follow what my brother says..i do not say all this to make her feel i am asking for all this...but it makes me feel so happy by looking at this behavior from my sis-in-law and i really dream of my wife to be "somewhat" of that nature...but she just blows out at me." That would lead any woman to believe that you would be comparing her to your sister-in-law...right? Which would cause her to be highly pissed, especially if you did that frequently.
As far as your follow up goes, we're not getting a clear picture as to why she acts that way. Of course she shouldn't call you names or disrespect you. But it's helpful to know what the cause and effect is to get a better understanding.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2009): Well this changes things a bit.. in this case, you ought to tie her up and put her in a giant box full of dirt, so she'll have some new personal refernces of what it feels like to be treated the way she treats you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow..wowwww....ladies..I appreciate responses from all of you...but who said I am comparing her..I never did and I never do...Why would I do it? She is a unique individual..I just told her how my brother's wife acts around him..and yes she does it all coz she loves him a lot..and I know everyone is different..I never said to her I want you to be like her..no i never did..if i just expressed my feelings did hell break lose?...crap...ok how about when she gets mad she does not know what she is saying to me...many a times she has called me names, disrespected me so much, grabbed my collar and said "You better leave my car as I do not want to see your face or talk to you"?....and this has happened repeatedly...and i guess i need to tell what I did after this...90% of the times i said its ok honey...i know you were mad at me so its ok....NOW AM I STILL WRONG HERE?? ...and u know what if I make face just once it would be me who would have to go back to her to resolve the issue ...she would never come back to me and say ..honey lets talk and forget what happened....is relationship one sided?....when someone is happy and then they say they love you..and when they r mad and they say words to u...what do u believe...? which personality of them is the real personality?..just confused so bad ...so i dont know what am i supposed to do?
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (6 August 2009):
Like the others said, you're comparing her to your sister-in-law, and that's not cool. So yes, when your brother calls she's probably annoyed and figures that you two are going to talk about how great his wife is and how obedient she is. Definitely lay off the comparisons. I don't think you would like it too much if she had this "great" brother-in-law...and oh he buys her sister flowers at least once a week, he even cooks dinner, and rubs her feet after work! Do you do any of that? Probably not. And if she compared you to someone like that, wouldn't it make you want to say, "well maybe you should go find someone like that and marry them?"Every family is different, and I could see her parents calling a couple times a day a little annoying. My ex's mommy would call him several times a day, I thought it was annoying and wondered if he was ever going to cut the umbilical cord (which he didn't and why we're not together). It's not for everyone. I have friends that also talk to their parents several times daily. I, on the other hand, talk to my parents maybe once a week. I really don't think that should be a deal breaker though, and it's something that you may not do, but something you may have to get used to. Relationships are about compromise and not everyone is perfect.
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female
reader, Renee okc +, writes (6 August 2009):
She is probably mad because you keep comparing her to your sister in law if you want someone to obey go adopt a dog buddy. I can't say I blame her I would go off on you too. So what she talks to her parents most people do. See the problem is you probably compare your relationship to your brothers so much that she is now resentful toward them even though they have done nothing wrong. I think you need to quiet up and stop acting like a dumb ass. She is probably frustrated and this why she blows up at you. I would recommend ya'll put off getting married because you seem to be two different people trying to be on one page. Watch what you say and think before you speak. I wonder do you compare her to your mother too.
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reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (6 August 2009):
 So, you're looking for an obedient, Cinderella type? I hate to be harsh, but GEEZ. If you're looking for a girl to wait on you hand and foot from the moment she wakes up until the time she goes to bed... man, oh man. That'll be hard to find. I know I'd slug a guy who suggested that's what he wanted from me! I pity your sister-in-law, who sounds more enslaved than in an equal, loving relationship. How about the wife being respected and cared for? Do you believe that a relationship should be 50/50, and that you owe your wife as much attention and catering as you want from her? As for when your brother calls, perhaps she makes faces because she knows how he treats his wife! I think you need to leave this current girl and find someone who shares your values. Clearly, this girl ain't doing it for you.Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2009): well I think I can see what's going through her mind. If you say what you're saying to us, that she "takes care of him and follows what he says," what are you looking for a house maid? In this day and age, I don't think that is an appropriate way to describe to your girl what sort of wife you want. We are not dogs, slaves or dolls and we do not wish to "follow" everything our husband's say, and the taking care of each other, needs to go both ways. Maybe you could include this next time. Also, I don't think she wants to hear about how amazing you think your brother's wife is all the time. WHy don't you try talking about her less, and telling your girl how amazing SHE is. If you're going to invision the perfect wife and tell her what that is, don't make it a comarison to another woman.
~Sy.
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