A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,Have been seeing a guy for over a year. We met on vacation (not the classiest of meetings I know, but has been more than a holiday fling) in a long-distance relationship. First he was very serious about me and asked to meet me all the time, he talked of a future often and even marriage.But when I brought up coming to see him, he told me he was too busy for a girlfriend and left me.Since then he apologised profusely and we have been together for 8 months.He has wanted me to come again all the way through those 8 months. But I'm scared of being hurt.He hasn't been with any other girls as far as I know (I believe him) and has waited and been a patient boyfriend to me.He told me that it is fine for him not to sleep with me when I come - just to hug/kiss me, because he knows I don't have sex easily. But I know he does desire it as he talks about it very, very often. Yet.. he does not talk in any way about a future for us.He doesn't say what will happen when I leave and I am too scared to bring it up after last time (plus this type of thing drives men away).Sometimes he tells me he loves and has feelings for me and is very sweet - but he doesn't make a COMMITMENT to me. He tells me sometimes he doesn't know if I love him, but that is because I'm protecting my heart.We live in different countries, but they are both similar Western cultures (his in Europe, mine in North America).We are very compatible and he told me he wants to be a good boyfriend, I don't want to throw it away as we are good for each other and I love him a lot and he told me he loves me a lot and we kept it going for this long.Please don't say "talk it out" because I learned the worst thing to do is to ask men where you stand with them - but I desparately need to know if he sees this as a future thing or not.
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male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (21 October 2009):
 Very clever strategy on your part (please check for irony). Don't let him come to see you for eight months. That should help to build a strong bond.
If you are afraid of being hurt does that mean you care? If you care how will things get any better?
You can of course spend the rest of your life dreaming of how wonderful it might have been. That way you wont be hurt but you also won't have really experienced it. It will all be in your imagination.
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