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female
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anonymous
writes: Need advice. I had been in a long distance relationship with my bf for one year. I travel a lot to visit him, but it seems that every time I depart (back to my hometown) he immediately becomes this insecure guy and wants to break up with me. However, as the week goes by he start missing me a lot. Then he start sending me loving text messages and phones me all the time and buys me a plane ticket to go back to see him. Now, we are on another crisis again; what should I do? I am confused Every time this happens I suffer a lot... What do I do?thanks , a friend
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female
reader, skaterbunny  +, writes (1 June 2007):
 for a long distance relationship to work you have to have two key elements, trust and commitment. You show you are committed by travelling to see your guy, he should show his love and repay this big effort by showing some trust. Someone who isn't happy in themself will show these insecure feelings so he needs to be able to have a life of his own and enjoy that life and look forwards to seeing you and appreciate this time. He is lucky that you make this effort, why cant he come and visit you as well? looking at future goals, and dates to do things together also helps to put each others mind at ease as you both have something to aim for and look forwards to. there is a bit of maturity needed in long distance relationships they are very testing.
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reader, Ellen +, writes (21 January 2006):
one thing that worked well for me is that i started putting words in his mouth. when something mean was said i would relpy "so what you are saying is that you are going to miss me and dont want to be without me." to help him find the words. it has worked well
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2006): I can totally realte to this situation and I know exactly how frusturating it can be! The most important thing here is COMMUNICATION. If he doesn't communicate his feelings to you the right way, it'll leave you feeling worried and uncertained about things, and this isn't fair. You obviously care enough about him to fly out to see him, so next time he starts getting really insecure, tell him to fly down to see you! Emphasize that there is NO reason for him to have these insecurity issues. If he still doesn't understand than there are probably some deeper issues to work on. As long as there is love and he is acceptive of your feelings things should work out just fine :-)
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (20 January 2006):
 If you really love your boyfriend, and spending a year together would suggest you do, then there are solutions short of a break-up. I don't know the precise circumstances or the distance involved but nonetheless i think there are things you can do.
I would imagine one of the times he is most insecure is when you are out on a night out. If this is the case then when you are out send him one txt saying you are having a good night you hope he is and ur looking forward to speaking to him whenever you speak next. This will let him know you are thinking of him hopefully. Send him txts from time to time that reassure him of this. Tell him you know it is hard but he needs to trust you and that him being this way upsets you because you want to be able know he is happy when you are not together. Hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, mister-squid +, writes (20 January 2006):
 Find someone closer to you? Long-distance relationships rarely work out. Especially if ne of you is completely untrusting, and hurting you a lot.
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