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When you go out with someone, do you have to have sex?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Sex, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 November 2010) 7 Answers - (Newest, 4 November 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, *-Love-CSI writes:

I know, the question sounds silly.

I was just wondering, when you 'get together' with someone does it always have to get physical?

I don't mind kissing and stuff but it seems that there's a lot of pressure for teenagers to have sex as soon as there in a relationship, and I wouldn't really want to since my *soon to be, hopefully* boyfriend and I are best friends and have known each other for ages and it would be really awkward.

Also, I haven't 'done it' yet.

View related questions: best friend, kissing

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A female reader, Natalie:) United Kingdom +, writes (4 November 2010):

Natalie:) agony auntYou may want to, but if you have hanging then you do not have to!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010):

you do NOT have to have sex in a relationship!!!! wait until you get married

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A female reader, I-Love-CSI United Kingdom +, writes (4 November 2010):

I-Love-CSI is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thanks for the answers :)

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (4 November 2010):

chigirl agony auntNo, you do not have to have sex while in a relationship, and it is not expected of young teens to have sex either. There is actually laws that forbid teenagers to have sex. Once you are an adult however is is typically expected, but it is perfectly normal to want to wait then too. Many want to wait until they are ready, or they get married. When it comes to having sex the first time it is normal to want to wait until you are ready, and that can take as long as you want to.

I do not recommend that teenagers have sex because of the risks involved, and sex is serious business. It can change relationships completely, and involves a lot of emotions and closeness. It is not something casual. Therefor you should not simply have sex with anyone, but be sure what you are getting yourself into. Things you should know are not only the emotional side of sex, but also the risks, STD's, how babies are made. But do remember that when you have sex with someone you become emotionally attached to that person. And if you find out they don't have feelings for you, it will hurt so much more than if you never had sex with that person.

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A female reader, k_c100 United Kingdom +, writes (4 November 2010):

k_c100 agony auntIt doesnt have to get physical, there are many elements that make a good relationship and the physical side is only one of them. And at your age, it is a good thing if it doesnt get physical!

So dont worry about sex, you will know when the time is right for you and you will know when you are ready to take that step. But until you feel that way you can still have a great relationship without the physical side to it. Even holding hands and hugging can feel just as nice as sex, because you get to be close to the person you care about without having to take the huge leap to having sex.

But one thing I would say - when you get older sex and the physical side to the relationship does become more important, when you are an adult your sexuality develops and you enjoy the connection that sex brings. So it is important that you are physical with your partner otherwise it is hard to feel really close and connected with your partner.

But this is ONLY when you are older, at your age being boyfriend and girlfriend, holding hands and hugging is all you need to have a happy relationship! Dont worry about peer pressure or what your friends are doing, they will all regret their first times if they rush it so ignore them. You are in control of your own life, so you get to decide when is the right time to have sex. If your soon to be boyfriend loves you and respects you, then he wont want to rush having sex either and will just be happy to be with you. As you get older, and are with someone for a long time, then you might start to feel comfortable with exploring the physical side of a relationship. But that comes with time and age, and as a young teenager it is not important for you to explore that side yet because you are not emotionally and mentally ready to handle the feelings and issues that arise with sex. You have plenty of time for sex, so wait until you are sure you are ready and it is with the right person.

It sounds like you have your head screwed on and know what you want, which is fantastic! Always listen to yourself, not other people and what your fellow teens are doing. Chances are, they are making lots of mistakes and you are the one that is doing it the right way. So trust in yourself, do what feels right for you and never feel ashamed for sticking to your principles.

I hope this helps and good luck!

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A female reader, I-Love-CSI United Kingdom +, writes (4 November 2010):

I-Love-CSI is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thank you very much :)

I don't think I'll be doing it with anyone soon, I'd much rather wait until a time when it is not illegal haha

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (4 November 2010):

tennisstar88 agony auntNooooo. It's not always about the physical aspect of the relationship. In which you should not be engaging in intercourse until you are of legal age to consent to sex, which I think is 16 in the UK.

Girls and believe it or not guys will be always be pressured by their peers or boyfriend/girlfriends to go all the way. Anyone who pressures you to do so, doesn't respect you and just wishes to use you for sex. Friends who make fun of your virgin status aren't your real friends. It's your body, your choice. If you aren't ready to have intercourse then don't do consent to it. Now, if you find yourself in a situation in where a guy is pressuring you, tell him a firm "No" and proceed to leave or break up with him.

When you do go to have sex make sure you're prepared. Have condoms for your boyfriend, be on a form of birth control, there's many choices out there. Vaginal inserts, the Pill, the shot, a pill that makes you have 4 periods a year...endless options. Ask your mother to take you to the gyno for your yearly exam and to discuss the right birth control to ensure you are practicing safe sex. I know it maybe embarrassing to consult your mom, but she was once your age once and would rather you be safe than a teen mom.

Lastly, hold out on being a virgin as long as you can. Girls will tell you their first time sucked, it either hurt like hell or they weren't too wild about the loser they did it with. (I fall into this category) Your first time should be special and everything you imagined it to be.

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