A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boss,in her 30s, has been away doing another job for nearly a year, and will be back in 8 weeks.I work in a hospital, a very people cented workplace.very different to an offfice or a store etc etc!!She is super assertive, super confident, pushy, type "A" personality, popular, great at her job, and VERY cliquey wht about 8 ppl especailly. We can say hi and bye, but the most she will ask me socially at work is "how are yu , are you good?," or "how are you?" she makes no effort with me in conversation at all, I have tried making small talk in the past, and got yes, no, ok, fine, type of answers.Unlike most other ppl.. who she does talk to, she isnt a bully, but she does not try with me at all, she speaks to me about work issues, but largely ignores me, chats to everyone else, and leaves me to my work mostly, now I feel a little awkward around her at times,(not always) as she can be intimidating.We have had few one on one conversations, a few but they are rare.Im quieter, an OK, worker, do my work, am polite, say hi and bye and try to chat to ppl at times, and I like/need my job, (am not leaving!) and most of my colleagues, we have both been there for a while.Recently she came into work to say hello to ppl, and hugged and gushed over everyone she'd not seen in ages, her clique was there all talking in her office, She said hi how are you, to me but thats it.. Should I be worried that shes not super friendly (or doesnt hug) with me,? Im not expecting my boss to hug me!! but she hugs most ppl and her clique, in front of me, is this rude or just her hugging her buddies?and she talks to others, we honestly just dont have anything in common and just dont connect, we are too different, she doesnt "get"me or me her. Ive tried to talk to her and been shut down with hi and by yes and no..do i try again when she returns?I dont want to be her BFF she has ber buddies for that.So.. what to do you do when your almost the only one at work, that doesnt "connect" with her, and how can I relax around her and not feel intmidated.? I have been more confident since shes been gone and I dont want to lose that when she comes back, I want to show her that I am more conifident, maybe even so she may think " she is more confident" (not that she will notice..)so do I just be polite when she returns? or try angain, rememeber she gave me nothing back, not even a "how was yr day off?" or what did do on the wkend" thanks for genuine answers.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 August 2013):
 They say : do no evil, fear no evil. So no, you don't have to be worried, particularly because it sounds like your professional relationship is good even in lack of a social one. That's all it matters.
First, it may be that you are a bit sensitive regarding this subject, and that you aren't really the ONLY one she is not particularly chummy with. You mention 8 people she is close with, and it does not sound like a huge circle, over a whole hospital of people, or a whole ward at least. Maybe there are other workers she is not particularly close with.
Second, you don't have to take personally her lack of interest, since as you say yourself, you are two very different people, with very different personalities and attitudes that don't click, she does not get you and you do not get her. It does not sound , though, as if she has it in it for you for this difference , or is tryng to give you a hard time because of it. She just is not interested in becoming closer. Which does not mean that she dislikes you or disrespects you as a person , or as an employee'.
Third, let's assume instead that there was something spiteful or malicious in this keeping you at a distance,( which I don't believe to be the case ), some totally irrational distaste. There's no much you could do about it, your best bet would be just shrugging it off ad think " what a bitch ". As long as it does not affect the evaluation of your professional performance ( it sounds it doesn't ) , then you are fine. After all you go to this hospital to get a salary and to do something helpful for your patients, not to further your social acceptance. Friendship with colleagues and bosses may be an added bonus, but it's never a must or a necessity. If it happens it happens, if it does not you should not let it faze you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2013): this is the posteri do not want to be bffs with the boss!! i am asking if i should be worried as i am nearly the ONLY one she doesn't try social talk with, the only one..of course i will say hi and bye and be polite and of course its her right to be bffs with whomever, but it feels awkward being the only one she doesn't try with, im not going to be inappropriate !! give me some credit, we have all worked together similar time (me and her clique)unless you have been in my situation you have no right to be negative to me or judge me!!! i do my job the best i can!!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (2 August 2013):
You do nothing special. You keep doing a good job, being a hard worker, being polite and pleasant but not over friendly and stop making ouvertures that are not particularly encouraged and may be seen as inappropriate.
Your boss is being a normal, good in fact , boss. She is there to work and to make sure you work, not to make your social life more interesting or to show you any particular personal attention. Since she is doing her job withot bullying you or mistreating you or making you miserable, so far so good. She may have her clique, she may be friendler with other 8 people, guess what, that's her prerogative. Maybe she has worked with these people longer, or simply their personalities and attitudes click better and she felt the wish to move these people from the role of colleagues to those of friends. As long as she does not play favourites ON THE JOB, in work related matters ( asignation of shifts, holidays, bonuses ) she is perfectly within her rights. You can't be equally friends with a whole high school class, right ?, or with a whole building of neighbours. A workplace is no different, there will be people you want to hug and people whom you'll just be civil too- the selection criteria, admittedly, may also be random and arbitrary, then again it's a personal choice that needs to be respected.
Keep doing your good job and don't worry about being socially cozy with the boss.
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