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*eftout56
writes:my problem is that my family picks on me and it doesnt matter how many years go by or miles are between us they seem to pick up where they left off, one sister says i always have a attitude and makes the remark i hope you dont treat people that way. and just recently i planned a trip to get together with two of my sisters and and they where arguing with me on the phone and i hadnt even left the airport,and my youngest tells well you had a tude as she calls it and its like there at the airport and i am not suppost to get upset and i am at a airport also i dont understand them they can be up tight about things and its allowed but not me? Reply to this Question
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reader, leftout56 +, writes (10 August 2013):
leftout56 is verified as being by the original poster of the question my feelings about my family hasnt changed and recently i had went threw all pictures i had and trshed those of the ones i had of them, they dont mean that to me as they once did and i have my dad's movie film which i would like to chuck in the trash also but havent decided yet
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2013): I am very sorry to hear you say "you miss talking to people" I know how you feel, that is a terrible feeling and if it makes you feel any better, I am lonely too. All my school friends moved to other cities and got married, have kids and have no time for single friends, which I understand and it makes sense. What are your options? I hope you don't mind me thinking out loud with you !! Can you make friends through your craft work? or how about your neighbours? can you befriend 1 or 2 of them? or can you do some volunteer work, you will give back to the community but also you can make new friends !! It's not easy though to mae new friends, I've tried it and it never worked but maybe it is easier where you are. I hope this really helps, if not talk to us agony aunts. I send you a big hug. All will be well :-)
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reader, leftout56 +, writes (8 August 2013):
leftout56 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni appriate all responces and i dont have any friends at all just my dogs and cats and my craft work,i do miss talking to people but they all seem to have no time for me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2013): hi Leftout, I am sorry you are hurting, I know how you feel. I've been there myself, however I am daughter number 4 i.e. the youngest girl. I am not spoiled like your younger sister though, my mom favours my brother who is younger, he is her baby, and my mom favours my oldest sister and sister number 3.
You should stand up for yourself, be assertive, don't let them walk all over you, don't let them treat you the way they do, don't depend on them on anything, don't ask them for any favours, keep your distance if you could. I am sorry, it is sad but it is true.
I hope you have friends to be there for you, spend time with friends more.
You don't have to like your siblings just because you are related, you know what I mean !!
My mother resented me since I was born, she wanted a son badly and was disappointed when I was born. Nothing I did could make her change her feelings towards me.
Now my siblings treats me like my mom with resentment, not with love, they need me to help them out but they are jealous of any tiny thing I might have and they don't mind to tell me right in my face I don't deserve. Mind you I have less luck in life than my siblings and I have a lot of bumps in my road, but sometimes I even feel my mom and sibings envy me for not holding grudges towards anyone.
Nothing I do can make them change their attitude towards me, they know they can do anything to me and my mother will not defend me or stand up for me, I have to stand up for myself !!
I thought a lot about how my family hurt my feelings and I came to the conclusion that what my siblings and mom do to me is never going to change on the contrary it is getting worse as they get older !! Just remember you can change yourself, you can't change others !! All the best
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reader, leftout56 +, writes (2 August 2013):
leftout56 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you so much for your answer but i had tried the oppsite approach and it doesnt help,i feel that being number 3 in a sisters of 4 doesnt help either and parents favored the oldest and the youngest and the second finds it easy to be a two face to fit in if you had the time i could tell you about a long and unhappy childhood that hasnt stopped yet
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reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (2 August 2013):
 I see you have chosen the nickname "leftout" top post on this site, that's quite sad and heart wrenching!
Its true that old behaviours, impressions and opinions can last a lifetime. These people have had 50 years to paint you as the one with the attitude, and its a habit that will be difficult for them to stop, just as it is going to be difficult for you to change YOUR behaviour, and reactions.
Can you afford some counselling or therapy, just to try and work out why they hold this opinion and to develop some strategies to change how you react, which in turn will alter the way they act.
If not, try and work out what it is they say or do, and how you would usually react, for example, if your younger sister says you have attitude, when does she say that, what is she saying that in reaction to, and how do you react.
See if you can work out what starts this, and how the chain reactions happen. Then next time you do "x" and your sister says you have attitude, instead of reacting in your normal way, do and say something different, the pattern will be broken. They may try to revert to the familiar but you react and say something different to what you normally would again, if they again try to get back onto the old patterns tell them you are not playing and leave.
Family or group counselling might work as well.
Good luck, I hope you can gain some understanding of what is happening here, why it happens and when it happens so that you can instigate some changes, hopefully for the better of all three of you.
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