A
female
age
30-35,
*pendy
writes:Why Is this happening to me? I hate my life:(. Mature answers please?My ex boyfriend and I broke up 15 months ago.I loved him so much, I thought we were in love cause of the way he cared about me.All my friends and family thought he was the one for me.He was the only guy that's been able to turn me on.The sex with him was amazing. Ive never been the girl to get turned on or interested in sex but with him I was crazy I wanted to him to make love to me all the time.But he broke up with me saying he fell out of love and doesn't think we have the connection anymore.I was still crying and missing him after a year so I called him we spent a day together and made love but I wasnt really turned on this time. He worked really hard to get me aroused. and it was weird cause when I was with him he didn't have to do much.But this time it was different. I didn't enjoy it.When I came home I rang him and I told him I didn't love him anymore.But I don't know cause he's all I think about. I don't want to be with anyone else.I don't think I will find anyone who can make me feel the way he made me feel.Is been 4 months since I heard from him again and he's still all I think about. I haven't tried to contact him in 4months.When will these feelings go away:(We're both 22.
View related questions:
broke up, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (24 July 2012):
 And just for the record, I would not contact him and ask him what happened with your relationship. He told you why he broke up with you. No more contact, and get on with your life.
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (24 July 2012):
It is hard to get over the one you thought was perfect for you. We make it harder on ourselves by having contact with the person we are supposed to work on getting over. When you have contact, you reminisce, you remember, and you yearn. This is why people will advise you not to have contact.
If you still find yourself really depressed after a year, I would suggest you have a plan of attack. Anytime you think of the guy and feel sad, go for a walk. Anytime you start crying over the guy, go for a drive and listen to your favorite music. Anytime you see something that reminds you of him and feel upset, call a friend or family member. Or whatever. Just begin DOING things you enjoy or that you find help take your mind off of him and the situation. Gardening, taking care of animals, and working out helped me a lot.
I got to the point that I was so depressed over my ex (and unfortunately I was in a position where I had to see him all the time) that I knew I had to do something to get MYSELF back. You know how you are so in love with someone sometimes you end up losing yourself? That was me. I had to get myself back. Anytime I felt sad, alone, depressed, upset, anxious...I would find something or someone to get my mind off of HIM even if it was just a good steamy novel, an action-adventure movie, or a walk in the woods.
That is your best bet. You need to focus on YOU and on helping others if you have the time. Involve yourself with people and things. Like one of the uncles said...go to the gym or exercise outside by walking or riding your bike. Do not sit at home alone and dwell.
It may take you awhile to get over him. I certainly would not go out and sleep with someone to "get your game back". That doesn't really help people. And don't go out with anyone if you aren't ready. Just go out and be with people, do things, and take small steps to getting back to enjoying your life. It is hard, but if the rest of us can do it, so can you.
...............................
A
male
reader, Hennessy1989 +, writes (23 July 2012):
 It's hard to say whether these feelings will ever go away, you need some form of closure on this, your last meeting only left you more confused, contact him, meet him, and ask him why things changed, why they went wrong, tell him everything that you felt after you split, maybe then when you have both said your piece you can finally lay these feelings to rest
...............................
A
female
reader, Dangerously Enthusiastic. +, writes (23 July 2012):
 The only way I believe to get over him is to meet someone else. I understand it's hard but i'm not sure what else you could do. Enjoy your life!
You only have one shot at it.
...............................
A
male
reader, Leykis101 +, writes (23 July 2012):
 You didn't get turned on, that is EXCELLENT! because that tells you that you truly are over him, your just not finished thinking about him all the time, cause you need to give yourself somebody else, even if it's just to get laid, you have been thinking about only him so long now, it's become a habit, you are physically over him, now you just need to break yourself of the mental habit, I believe that's all it is, go out with someone new, someone you could see yourself sleeping with, or just with someone you could have a one night stand with, I honestly do believe once your to the point your at, sleeping with someone else, will just get that last little bit of habit out of your system, i could be wrong, but doubt i am, try it out, at the least youll get laid, it's pretty much win win.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous12345150 +, writes (23 July 2012):
look we all have breakups and people who get away and things that don't work out as we plan but the fact of the matter is life goes on all the relationship failures are just learning curves and tests that you need to go through to grow and develop as a person etc.your 22 you need to take some time out and focus on your own life/goals/future etc etc sort you down life out to the point where you are pretty content and i doubt you will have any issues remaining over your ex.i was a mess when me and my ex girlfriend split up but since then i have started going to the gym I'm in the best shape of my life and have never felt so good about myself(i usta be about 3 stone overweight) I've got a very active social life again and I'm at uni concentrating on my self and my future (when we split up i had no self identity or anything and I've realised that was the main problem) just establish what you want from life go and get it and your ex will fade from your head a lot quicker than you think possible
...............................
A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (23 July 2012):
Well OP the mature answer is that you are young and the feelings will disappear when you meet the person you are meant to be with and you will look back and wonder why you wasted so much energy and emotions on Mr X. Time dilutes the painful feelings but they never go away. It sounds like you fell head over heels in love and he didn't. Or he did but he got bored. Now you need to stop mourning and get on with your life. Your meeting him after a year shows you that your feelings have changed. You will always cherish the fun you had and the slightly sad thing is that it will probably never be quite as carefree as that first real love. The next guy in your life is going to have to prove he loves you and you will be a little more protective of your feelings, but it will be better. But as the song goes, no one said it was going to be easy! Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2012): Dont try to contact him again and put your energy and thought binto other things.... ie church, family, hobbies...Perharps you could gradually start dating ie just going out for meals to cinema ...hanging out with your friends...These feeling will eventually go away...and the less you concentrate on them the easier it will get...avoid 'hooking up' with him as this will not make you feel good.
Stop saying you won't find someone who would make you feel the way he did...chances are you will find someone who would make you feel better than he did cos let's face it you don't feel good right now because of all this do ya? Get my point.
You are young and have your whole life ahead of you...Love yourself.
It will get better, time's a healer...but in the meantime get busy with other things and make a conscious decision to move on.
...............................
|
