A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:(Mod note: Titled by poster)HiI hope i dont come accross as some sad case here. But im really struggling. I need to know how to move on from an ex, this has been going on for near enough 3.5 years now. I love him with all my heart and i do think he has strong feelings for me back but too much water has gone under the bridge. We had a messy relationship 2 years ago and he cheated on me with someone who he infact moved in with (they now are not togeher) We have deep history from 2/3 yrs ago, he was my brothers best friend and we got together so the situation was already strained, i then fell pregnant and didnt keep the baby so made it worse. He wasnt supportive at that time so we ended on a very emotional note. Then i found out at that time he was already with the other girl, over the next year i never saw him until we all went to a mutual friends weekend away and WHAM the emotions hit us like bricks. Since then we were together on/off until last July, he was always with the girl and i naiievly thought he would realise how much i wanted us to try properly. I never let my emotoins show fully with him as he would let me down, well not let me down but never made me feel he felt the same so i was always so guarded. We go through stages of no contact sometimes this can last for a few months and i begin to pick myself up then he contacts me and i am back to square 1 again, this has happens every 5 or so months for about a month. i feel in a way he is doing it because he isnt quite ready to let me go. He is back in contact again now and i just cant work out what it is he wants from me - being in contact seems just as much a pain for him as it is me but for different reasons so i cannot understand the logic behind getting in touch and saying he misses me. Just sets me back 10 paces.I find that i cannot give anyone else myself fully as i dont feel i have my heart anymore - its like a big piece of it is missing. I still feel like this after so long and everything he's done - although i went into it with my eyes open - i was so in love. And the pain is just not easing, its not as in my face but when i hear from him i cant not reply - its like he is a drug and im the addict.I feel drained and exhausted. Whenever he is in my life i feel like i go quiet and withdrawn. My roomates have commented on it and i feel so childish when i try to explain how i feel. Its an achy feeling like i have been kicked in the gut. Am i going mad, obsessed, i cant work it out :0( i just feel like its been so long i should be over this!Am i ever going to get over this or meet someone i feel as much for. I feel so unworthy and low at times i dont know how much of these highs and lows i can take :0(Thanks all for advice
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 February 2010):
The problem is that your own emotions are so all over the place you can't see this guy isn't worth your time and that you deserve better. You're in love with a guy who cheated on you and treated you badly at the worst possible time. He doesn't contact you because he has feelings for you (he would be with you if he had feelings for you). He does it because he feels he sometimes has to. I think you need some counselling, because you sound like you're slipping into depression because of everything. So to compensate for the way you feel, you allow yourself to fall for this guy. You need to sit down with a counsellor, really spend time getting all your feelings out into the open and understanding them, and then you will be able to move on. Spend time working out what you want from your life, what you want to do with it. And next time he contacts you, tell him you never want to hear from him again then ignore him. I'm sorry, but he doesn't have feelings for you. And you're too good for him anyway. You just need to see it again.
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