A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok here goes, will make as brief as possible!Met a guy on a dating website in 2005, hit it off and arranged to meet up few weeks later although that never happened (I had other plans arranged). Kept in touch via text and emails, then he went off abroad to do conservation work and ended up travelling for around 15 months. There was no relationship @ this stage only flirty emails and we kept in touch while he was all over the world. Once back in the UK, he came to see me (we live nearly 200 miles apart) had a great week-end again. Then we kept in touch but maybe once every 2-3 weeks or so,things went quiet, for a few more weeks, then out the blue I had a text before xmas saying he was thinking about me and would like to see me. I went to him for the week-end and had a great time, I left and thought maybe the contact would be more frequent.....but no. Since this time he has been up for week-ends with me and I him (truthfully 5 dates in total!!). Now my main concern is, (thats of course if I have not bored you) is this.... All the signs and signals are there when we are together, he is perfect, we have alot in common on a whole range of issues and outlooks, however the problem is, he doesn't stay in touch, I see him, have a great time, act like we're a couple when we're together, then we part and it's like it never happened, until the next time.I know he has a problem with keeping in contact with people, he only has a handful of real friends and is very much committed to his family (only 5 people have his home number and I am one of them- phew!)When I have questioned him about this lack of contact he has told me that due to a breakdown (relationship) his heart knows what it wants but his head sometimes can't deal with it out of fear? so he backs off. He has told me he wants to see me, and enjoys my company, he has also said only last week, that he is scared of falling in love with me.......Now I have been around the block myself and am as scared as the next person about jumping into a relationship, and of fear of being hurt, however I am seeing him next week and do I stick in there with him and make it work (i am very fond of him and would really like it to work) or do I ship out?I do hope some-one out there can make head or tale of this, and that I have made myself clear.RegardsTinkerbell Burgess
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): I have had a similar relationship only it's gone on for the past 4 years. It is very hurtful. He's not able to give like me. I have had to accept it and move on, even though it doesn't make sense and it hurts and I wish it were different.
A
female
reader, Lia +, writes (31 March 2007):
 Hi there
I can understand how confusing it is to be in a situation like this! But the thing is that you've got to ask yourself what you want - Do you want to be with someone who is great with you when you're together but then doesn't make the effort to keep in touch? Or do you want to have things progress, at least to the point where you guys are heading somewhere? Coz at the moment it seems you're stuck in a loop. It also seems as if it's a very convenient situation for him - he sees you when he can, you both have a good time, and then he doesn't have to make the effort to keep in touch!
I also don't believe the crap that he doesn't like to keep in contact with people - men know how to use the phone! And if they really like you, they'll want to speak to you often.
Another warning sign is what he said about his heart knowing what it wants but his head not being able to deal with it - I think it's time you ask him what's up because you don't deserve to be left hanging like this. He is a grown man who knows what he wants, but he's got to decide whether he's with you or not. He can't have his cake and eat it. It's not fair on you. The risk is that if you don't talk to him about this and things just continue as they have been, you'll just be left hanging, wasting your time... Once again, you don't deserve this!
Hope this helped? Good luck!
xx
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A
female
reader, justice123  +, writes (31 March 2007):
honey listen what you need to do is downloand or buy this song called do you want to- by xscape it will give you your answer or you can go to a website called you tube and watch the video.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (31 March 2007):
 You know what it's like when you get burned, it's not nice and can linger for a long time. Well that's what has happened to him and he didn't like the feeling and doesn't ever want it to happen again. You need to think to yourself "what am I looking for in this relationship? Just fun or something more serious? Could I settle down with this guy? Could I ever see myself living with him?" If you have positive answers to these questions then you need to go and win your man.
First way to do that is to tell him how much you enjoy his company and how much you look forward to hearing from him again once he goes home. Let him know that you would never cheat on him with someone else and that he can trust you implicitly. You can understand his reticence in not wanting to become involved with someone again but life is all about chances and sometimes if you don't take that chance you let love pass you by. Let him know you have a lot of feelings for him and if he lets you in and gives you that chance you think you could both make a great team but if he still wants to take things slowly then you can understand that too.
I'm sure when he's with you he becomes overwhelmed by his feelings and emotions and although he tries to stay away, the simple fact of the matter is... he can't! I would stick with him, he sounds really nice and seems a genuine fella. All he needs is reassurance from you that you're not going anywhere and you would love nothing more than to give this a chance!
Eve
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