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female
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anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid.My fiance broke up with me on his birthday last month my world ended and told me it wasn't working,he moved overseas for work last year, and said he was coming back to start our lives together, but he said he could not handle it saying that we both want different things, and he wants to stay overseas, and that this isn't going to work out.I'm coming to a realisation of my feelings, before I met my ex I didn't go out much, I did not go to fancy restaurants, upper class malls, concerts, theatres, didn't have many fancy high socialite friends or celebrity connections,whereas he had it all and when we started going out I loved it as I felt like a princess going out with my prince. He was very prim and proper, always well dressed, knew everyone in the high places, and I always felt insecure if some other lady where to walk by I'd be tossed aside, as I felt that I could reach that high. therefor I gradually tried to improve myself.NOW whenever I go out with my family or friends we go to these places too, as before we'd always stick to our same routine same styles, same places but when i was exposed to this lifestyle I really enjoyed it, and thought why not, i enjoy it and I can afford it, so i enjoy it, and want my friends and family to enjoy it too.My ex went overseas for business and said he would come back for me, and while he was away i'd frequent these "fancy" places as they reminded me of him, and made me feel important, and I made the effort to make myself a better person, expand my knowledge for him to be proud of me, and when ever I was in that crowd I felt important and could not wait to be with him, and be together and go to dinner just the two of us at long last. I felt that If i didn't have him that I could not have that lifestyle, or know the people that he knew, or that without him i was not important.I have realised now that i was more attracted to his lifestyle, and his knowledge of things that made me want to become a better person.And wanting that good life made me a stronger person, and i'M PROUD of who I am now.However we have split up, and I feel as though I don't have that "class" anymore, I miss the things that we would have done together, and it breaks my heart thinking that he's with someone else.I loved him very much but I admit that one of the things that attracted me to him was his lifestyle.How can I get him out of my mind, and make me feel that I am worth it, as I no longer feel important, I no longer feel like my prince is coming back for me because he isn't?Am i still worth it, can i still enjoy the good things in life without him?i know this sounds naive, but I feel like i was cinderilla, and at midnight i lost my prince, and my life and I feel that I no longer can ejoy that as it reminds me of him, and it hurts.Thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2006): You know what? I think your ex had only so much to offer. I think you got sucked into this whole facade of glamour and fancy restaurants and fine people... I myself am a part of this kind of this kind of society. There was a time I was really addicted to dinners and meanigless parties. All this actually drove me to depression (a la Rose (Kate Winslet) in Titanic). I made a conscious effort to change my lifestyle. I go to the gym everyday, read a lot of books, spend a lot of time on this site, give my work my 100%... AND also go to my parties. But, the difference now is that I do it in moderation. When I did all this, I saw that all I really missed was the feeling of being important, of looking beautiful, fine clothes and make-up, the attention I received. So, I realized, for all it's glam and glory, all it really did to me was make me feel good. So, I did other things that make me feel good and now I am SO proud of what I am! I feel complete. Maybe you can do something like enrolling in a gym or start reading books... or learn something new... a new dance or a new game... I hope that helps.
A
female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (7 June 2006):
 True class and being a good person doens't depend on money or material things.
Look at Paris Hilton - does she have class? No, yet she has money, celebrity connections, expensive things, high powered friends, property, luxury cars and god knows what else.
It's not wrong to want nice things or to lead a nice lifestyle but don't think that having those things makes you a better person.
You can be a good person and still have a lot of class no matter where you are in the world as long as you treat people with respect, kindness, tolerance and compassion.
If you want to be a better person, start doing those things and you know what, if you want the wealthy lifestyle, why don't you work for it by yourself without having to depend on some man to provide it for you?
If you worked really hard and earned those things you miss, you wouldn't be thinking of your ex whilst you were enjoying them, you would be thinking about how much you deserve the reward after all your own effort.
It sounds like he has moved on and you have moved on from him but not his lifestyle so forget him.
Forget his lifestyle and make YOUR OWN lifestyle, whatever that may include. If that lifestyle means becomming a "better person", do it, if that lifestyle includes expensive things, work for it, if that lifestyle includes love, then seek it.
Don't rely on someone else to make you the person you want to be.
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