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female
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anonymous
writes: I have posted a few times about my boyfriend just going overseas on a working holiday- thanks for the advice. Anyway, as it was something he had planned a long time before he met me to do alone, he thinks that after about a month of experiencing things by himself, he will know for sure whether his feelings for me are real "love" or not, and will decide if he wants me to join him. It doesn't really make sense, but i'm his first long-term/serious girlfriend (he's 23), and before he left i had no doubts about our relationship and his feelings for me- we just feel so right together.Also, he is the sort of person who has to absolutely certain of something before going ahead with it. Anyway, he has only been gone for a week and we are in regular contact via email and texting, but I miss him- I'm trying to get on with life, but I'm torn between planning and saving and looking forward to joining him, and at the same time agonising that his feelings for me will change and he won't want to be with me. I know a large part of this worrying is just me being insecure, but I don't know how I can handle this for much longer, and hate how it is all in his hands at the moment- should I try and pressure him to make a decision sooner, or just give him space to come to the decision in his own time?
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female
reader, Aunt Audrey  +, writes (7 June 2006):
 I've read your past posts and it seems your boyfriend wants time out travelling and will give you a decision as to whether he wants you to join him at a later date.....nice!
I'd keep saving while you wait, as you will wait whatever anyone says, and should he decide he wants you with him you'll have the funds to go, and if he decides he doesn't then at least you will have some cash saved, go on holiday yourself with it and f*** him!
good luck!
A
female
reader, hannieseds  +, writes (7 June 2006):
 Hi there,
I understand where both of you are coming from. But in all fairness to you, I don't think it was right of him to make YOU wait, while HE decides if he wants to continue your relationship!
He should have gone on his trip like he had planned before he met you but not have left you stringing along - a decision should have been made together if you were to stay together and long-distance it for a while or 'take a break' and see where you both were when he got back.
But I shouldn't doing the 'what if' thing, that's not what you need right now.
I think you HAVE to get an answer from him as soon as you can. You cannot live your life waiting for someone else to make a decision on how your life is going to be - because that is exactly what is happening here! He is expecting you to wait until he knows if it's 'real' love (shouldn't he know that by now? - as you said this was a long-term relationship). That is not right. Life is too damn short sitting around wondering what to do!
No dear, you are not being insecure! I can't believe how unfair this is on you. Makes me a little angry actually! Tell him you need a decision now, as you are not going to spend the next month or so waiting for an answer from him that might not even be positive. He should throw caution to the wind and ask you to go over with him now if he really cared about you.
Good luck xxx
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