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female
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anonymous
writes: I have a bizarre situation on my hands. I have a 4 year old boy who started nursery school last September. While walking to school on the first day we bumped into another mother and her little boy also walking to school. In an effort to make friends, I got talking to her and over the months developed a friendship. However, she is very insular and doesn't associate with the other mums. She also swears quite loudly in the playground, and I think the other women find her unsavoury (as do I to be honest). I worry that my friendship with her has put other people off being friends with me, but it is hard to break away as we walk the same way to school every day. I want to be friends with more women as I am a sociable person, but now find it difficult to approach them and worry that the damage is irrevocable. Also as a further embarrassing twist, she told me the other day she wants to give her husband a threesome as their 10 year anniversairy present, and that they both find me attractive. I am quite horrified really, and tried to laugh it off. I really just want to be rid of her but don't want to 'fall out' as that could be awkward for my son. Any ideas?
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female
reader, Jen43 +, writes (15 June 2006):
Yes, I agree with Lillybet! It's always a very, VERY good idea to clarify things instead of making presumptions, which often turn out to be wrong. For example, if someone were to mistakenly assume that the well-intentioned advice of another was written directing criticism towards someone else's response to a question, then that could lead to bad feelings when, in fact, no such thing occurred! Particularly if the subsequent response was sent before any other answers were posted, and therefore based soley upon the original question. The perceived "criticism" would not be inaccurate and unfounded, but to follow Lillybet's lead, I want to clarity that this member would never resort that kind of rude behavior.
A
female
reader, Jen43 +, writes (7 June 2006):
Okay, Cutie, it sounds like you are too easy-going for your own good, so I’d never advise you to talk to her about her behavior. Obviously her loud swearing at the playground embarrasses you, and in general, she puts you off. I can understand why you feel that way. I mean, this uncouth, coarse woman loudly swears while at the playground? At whom?! Goodness, I hope you mean she uses profanity during her conversations with you (that’s still bad) and doesn’t direct it towards her child or any other child (that would be horrible). She’s very lucky you’re so sensitive to her feelings. Trust me, you don’t have to “worry” that your association with her has kept the other mothers at a distance. IT HAS. Birds of a feather flock together, and that woman is one tough bird. If you want to associate with the nice women who are avoiding you, you’re going to have to stop being so chummy with your anti-social friend, whom you don’t really even like. Unfortunately, I don’t think there’s any way to go about backing off without any awkwardness, short of transferring your son to a new school. Do other mothers get to the playground earlier than you? If so, can you leave home earlier AND walk a different route, getting there before your friend? Maybe it will be easier for you if you just start doing it one day a week, then increase it weekly until you’re no longer walking with her. And don’t let her invite herself to walk your new route with you! Tell her you want to be alone with your son. Period. People like her are usually pushy; she’ll probably demand an explanation, and you’re going to have to stand firm and tell her you don’t feel compelled to give one. The same goes for when you pick your son up. Perhaps if you get there earlier, you can start building a rapport with the other mothers without that icky woman around, and they’ll come to see that you are a kind, good person they’d like to get to know. Like I said, it sounds like you’re too nice! You probably had an inkling that she wasn’t your type of friend at the beginning. There’s nothing that says that just because two women meet they must be great friends; you can be pleasant and cordial, but next time, keep your distance if you don’t click with someone. As far as her outrageous offer to make you a part of her anniversary present to her husband—well, if she brings it up again, you’re just going to have to look her in the eye and tell her you’re not interested. At all. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (6 June 2006):
 What a tricky situation, at first I felt sorry for the woman you were portraying, but now I think that she is weird, to ask you to join her and her husband in a three some, well that is just not the done thing.
You could try walking another way to school, going earlier, or later, driving to school or just taking the bull by the horns and telling her that you are just not interested in playing a part in her anniversairy and when she asks why then you can tell her that you find this awkward and it is not your scene.
Go a little earlier to school and see if you meet other mums on the way then you can link in with them and hope she gets the message without falling out.
good luck
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