A
female
age
41-50,
*urferchic
writes:I could really use advice. My boyfriend of seven months went out to sea this summer for two months. I met him in a port and he proposed. I happily accepted. Since he returned from sailing things have gotten bad. We have fun hanging out with each other, but we have no sex of any kind. Sex was alright before he left. We have fought about it alot. He has given me several reasons. 1)That I've become fat. I have put on a few pounds which I am working to lose but am far from fat. 2) That he is afraid he will perform poorly and I will leave him. I won't and I tell him that. 3) That his experience being out at sea for so long has made him not want sex. 4) That since I introduced him to lubricant he masturbates alot and doesn't want sex anymore. Yes, he really said these things.I don't know what to think. I do know that he has a very large collection of porn on his computer and I believe the masturbating thing because we are out of lube and I haven't been using it for anything. I am an attractive, well educated and fun woman with a good job and a great future. This is making me feel bad about myself and ruining the relationship. I am 31, he is 33. At this point I am so frustrated and embarassed that I don't know what to do. Any advice would help. Thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2007): I don't know what's wrong with him. Obviously he is lying to you about why he doesn't want sex because he has given you a bunch of different excuses rather than just sticking to one reason. So that is evidence enough that he is lying.
You say sex was 'alright' before he left and he has a huge porn collection. Look I don't now. Nothing adds up. The only thing I can think of is that, if he is not gay, then perhaps he met someone else while he was away.
But whatever the reason, I think the point is that it is totally unfair and totally not normal that he won't have sex with you. And you shouldn't put up with it. As hard as I know it is to break up with someone you love, you owe it to yourself to be with a guy who will make you happy and who will not make you have to question your sex life. It is not loving of him to not have sex with you. Sex is an integral part of a relationship and without it you are selling yourself short of what you deserve.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2007): he says your to fat??? thats a sign to leave when some one disrespects you like that why would you want to have sex with some one who would say that? To be honest with you I hate to say it but giving you bullshit reasons like that I would leave the bastard
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