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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: How does a man act if it's "just sex"?I've been seeing this man. We slept together once and since then I've tried not to see him, but I keep ending up seeing him and we kiss. We can never be together - there are so many reasons. Our situations in life just won't permit it. So I've decided not to see him anymore, because it's never going to work out. It's going nowhere, so there is no point in seeing him because I'll only fall deeper and end up getting really disappointed. However, what I'm wondering is if he really cares about me or if he just wanted some sex/physical contact. I really care about him, but I've been trying to act cool and hide it. I think he has problems articulating the way he feels, too. So I'm trying to find out if how he feels is really "in his kiss".When we did have sex, he seemed reluctant to penetrate. He kept asking if he could just hold me for a while and did a lot of cuddling. He "spooned" me in the night time, kept brushing my hair with his fingers and rubbed his feet off mine in the bed. The last time he kissed me, he grabbed my face and held it in his hands. We can't be together and it's breaking my heart. I haven't had many sexual partners and never a one night stand before so I don't know what this behaviour indicates. When someone just wants sex, do they avoid affection like this? If you just wanted a one night stand or no strings sex, would you avoid spooning and cuddling the person etc.?
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (7 October 2011):
 Ok so you had an affair, and now you are feeling guilty for lying to your partner and having sex with another man behind his back, so you want to make it 'ok' through the knowledge that he liked you.
Its only tormenting you because you have done something so awful to your partner that you need to make sure you didnt just have a one-night stand and that there was more to it than that, because somehow if there are feelings involved it makes the affair seem more legitimate than just a quick shag behind your partners back.
It wont bring you any comfort if you knew he liked you for more than sex (which none of us can never really answer, you would have to ask him yourself) - you have a guilty consience because of your infidelity and that will never go away. The only thing that will bring you 'comfort' is telling your partner the truth and letting him decide if you are worth staying with, if you keep up this lie then you will feel guilty for the rest of your life, having an affair and keeping it secret it a very heavy burden to bear. Your partner deserves the truth, and you will feel better for telling him (even if it does mean the relationship ends, but that is your own fault for cheating in the first place) - but you couldnt even admit to strangers on the internet what you had done, so I bet you will never tell your partner about your affair and the poor man will be none the wiser that this woman he thinks loves him is obsessing about another man and sleeping around behind his back.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 October 2011):
 respectfully of the other aunties... he could very well be starved for affection and that's what he needs from you.
after all he can "rub one out" on his own for a sexual release but he can't get warmth and cuddling without another human being.
My bf and i when we started was STARVED for affection. he spent hours just holding me and cuddling me... he still nearly a year later cuddles me every chance he gets but can go days without genital contact on either of our parts.
and you say you can't be with him but you don't elaborate... is he married? are you?
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (7 October 2011):
It does sound like he has feelings for you beyond 'just sex', he does sound very affectionate which is always a good sign.
However you said yourself you cant be with him, so there is no point in worrying about this anymore. You are only torturing yourself by thinking about questions like this and wondering how he feels - it isnt going to make anything better if you know he likes you is it, regardless of how he feels you cant be together so that should be the end of it.
Cut him out of your life if you really want to move on - delete his number, dont speak to him again, remove him from Facebook etc - you are only causing yourself more pain if you keep in touch and keep thinking about him.
And stop obsessing about questions like this, it is not going to help you or make anything better so stop allowing yourself to do this. Everytime you find yourself obsessing about 'did he like me' etc stop yourself, tell yourself it doesnt matter anymore and then go and do something productive with your time. That will help you get over him.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2011): He's not married or a priest. We can't be together because I am in relationship that I don't want to end. Also, he is my superior and there's about 20 years age difference between us. I love my partner of 5 years and I know it is wrong to have an affair. I feel guilty and horrible for what I've done but it was so hard to resist my feelings for this other man.
Yes, I am very attached at this point. We've been seeing each other like this for months now. It's been very confusing - up and down and all over the place "should we keep having an affair, should we stop, is it too hard...". Now that it's completely over I won't find out from him how he really feels or felt about me, ie. did he just want to get into my pants or was it something more. It's tormenting me. There's nothing to gain, but now that it's over, it would bring me some comfort to think there was something between us that was more than just sex.
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A
female
reader, Doe Eyed Beauty +, writes (7 October 2011):
Dear 'When someone...'-You haven't given an indication as to why you can't be together. Is he in a marriage relationship? In a clergy position that doesn't permit marriage? It doesn't make sense. Be honest with yourself. What's to gain if you really can't be together. It sounds like you are getting attached now and you should have an open conversation about where you stand because otherwise you could be setting yourself up for heartbreak. Also, you should read "The Manual: A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think, Date, and Mate--and What Women Can Do to Come Out on Top " this will help open your eyes on men women dynamics. D.E.B.
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