A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my husband 11 years. We both enjoy sex very much and now I'm pregnant with our 4th child. He wants sex all the time and usually when he wants it I give it, however, when I want it I have to wait til he feels like giving it. I feel like he see's it as a chore when I initiate sex so I have stopped initiating and that really upsets him. Its like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2013): A good relationship is 50/50 and by him expecting you have sex as soon as he wants too but not willing to when you want too is not fair on you. I guessing that hes not really thinking about how you feel hes probably doesnt realise how much it bothers you. And he probably gathers that as you are doing for him that your allright with it. So you need to talk to him about it other wise it is never going to change. And you really dont then
dont do it and the same goes if he really doent want it because sex shouldnt be a chore and its okay if you dont allways feel in the mood
thats only natural. You should also think about bringing sex toys into the relationship because this is a great way for couples to improve their sex lives once not really talked about now alot of people use and love them because there not only good to use during sex but they are also good on your own. And it can stop sex from feeling a chore. For him there is a few but he can also use his hand but for you there is alot to choose from. Its also a good idea to talk to eachother abou what turns you on in foreplay so that it will be easier for you both to lead each other to wanting sex. And when you do talk to him about why when you initiate sex that to see if it because hes just not in the mood whether it because he likes to be the dominant one during sex.
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (19 January 2013):
What you do is simple: next time he wants sex, tell him not tonight. Give him a taste of his own medicine. If he doesn’t like it you can remind him that this is what he does to you when you’ve initiated sex in the past, so if you don’t feel like sex you’re just going to do the same when he initiates. I’m not suggesting you do this every time, but maybe once to make your point, and then again whenever you really don’t want to have sex. Having 3 kids already and being pregnant with another (congratulations), it’s perfectly reasonable for you not to want so much sex at the moment.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 January 2013):
 First of all, my compliments and admiration for a lady that can be so frisky with 3 small kids at home and a fourth on the way .
If your husband " wants sex all the time ", well, it should not be such a big problem, right ? , like, if it's not today it's gonna be tomorrow, you don't risk deprivation.
Yet,I understand that it's not a problem of quantity,but of wanting to be in charge of your sexuality, not just a passive receiver of sexual attentions.
I would say that may be it's just a matter of compromising. If you go from jumping on him ,maybe also in inappropriate moments, to stopping cold turkey any attempt to initiate, that sharp 180 turn may make him think that you are cross at him or there's something wrong,when this is not the case.
Maybe it's just a matter of finding a happy medium between often and never. After all, you should know your husband, I am sure you can detect when he is physically tired, grumpy or stressed out, and when instead he can be put in the mood.
Initiate only half of the times you did , or only every now and then, and I am sure that sooner or later you'll find a balance that's good for both.
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A
female
reader, samantha1  +, writes (19 January 2013):
 first of all congratulation for your fourth child.this shows how deep your relationship is with your husband.as far is sex is concerned, it should come out of love rather than mere physical intimacy.
if you want to have sex, give him a hint rather than initiating it by yourself. don't feel bad if he see's it as a chore when you initiate sex.
hint may include you taking bath in a bath tub with doors open and sing a romantic song, change your dress in front of him casually and look at yourself in the mirror and feel good about your body and curves.do this when he is around you.or accompany him while washing your car and play with water and make youself wet(wear a white t shirt).try these small things and spice up your love life. all the best
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2013): Hi there
It seems that you feel rejected when he doesn't want to have sex, even though you're raring to go. These feelings are understandable. How do you initiate sex? Perhaps try something a bit different to spice things up or get him in the mood? I think we're made to believe that guys are always ready for sex, but sometimes they're not (they might be tired, for instance).
As for feeling like you're damned if you do and you don't, perhaps you need to make sex less of a chore by being a bit more creative.
You also mentioned that you are pregnant with your 4th child. It's not always easy for partners to synchronise their sex schedules when they have kids.
It could be a good idea to talk to your partner about this without seeming annoyed. Just ask him what he would want to do in the bedroom. Sometimes you have to be on the right wavelength outside of the bedroom in order to do so in the bedroom too.
All the best
x
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