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male
age
51-59,
*allbloke
writes: I'm dating a lovely girl but I fear she could be hung up on someone else!I've been dating a girl for 2 months and everything seemed to be going great. When I'm with her she's thoughtful, very affectionate in and out of the bedroom. for the first month I felt like things were A1. Given that we were so close whilst together, I felt like she'd have got in touch more when we're not together but it seems to be me that's doing all the phoning, arranging dates. Maybe she goes off the boil when I'm not around? I don't mind that too much.The real problem is that recently I went out with her for a drink and she rang up a male friend to ask if he wanted to join us, which he did. When he joined us, I felt like that she more than liked him from her body language and she seemed to be very interested in what he was up to when he was flirting with girls.I did forget about that and put it behind me but New Years eve, he was there again and she seemed to be talking to him half the night and when he wasn't there, she was looking over to where he was stood like as if she was pining for him :(. Perhaps I'm being too insecure here, I don't know. I feel like I need to find out if she has feelings for him but fear that if I discuss it, it'll make me look like a fool or make her feel uncomfortable around her friend.Another thing, she's never been with anyone for longer than 9 months and she's 38! From what she's told me, in the past she's been attracted to what she can't have (well, maybe she can get the body but not the mind!!!)Help, I feel like I'm setting myself up for a fall :(
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male
reader, tallbloke +, writes (16 February 2007):
tallbloke is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, I've been invited to my girlfriends mates 40th birthday. To be honest, I really don't want to go for fear of the same situation arising again. I guess that I have to face it though so that if the same does happen, I can mention it.I know that if it does happen, my heart will drop through the floor like a stone :(. I'll feel like walking away there and then which will be quite difficult because I'll be 60 miles from home!!!
A
male
reader, tallbloke +, writes (4 January 2007):
tallbloke is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Vina and everyone else too.
It is tricky & some people have been telling me to put distance between me and her. let her make the moves, i.e. wait for her to phone, text or arrange dates, make myself more unobtainable & if it fizzles out then I have the answer.
If she likes what she can't have then I'm probably making a mistake by making all the moves! perhaps I should let her make some. So I'm seeing her tomorrow then I'm going to back right off.
To be honest though, I don't like playing games & I don't want to be playing them for the rest of my days!
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A
female
reader, vina_101  +, writes (4 January 2007):
 ok heres what to say:
"I like you alot and I think you're great but there is just one thing that is bothering me. Sometimes I feel like you pay more attention to your male friends than you do me. It's not that I'm jeleous it's just that as your boyfriend I think that I should get more of your time and attention. Sometimes I wonder if there is something going on between you two that I don't know about. Maybe it's me being paranoid but you can't really blame me. I'd like for us to spend more tme together instead of me you and one of your male friends. I'm not trying to control you or stop you from being friends with other guys or anything it's just that I'm not happy with the situation. I want our relationship to work and I hope you do too. But if there is something going on between you two then just tell me so I can move on. Maybe I'm over reacting but I'm just telling you how I feel. "
Did that sum it all up? I hope so. Tell her something along those lines. The bits about being paranoid and over reacting are only added to make her feel guilty (I'm not saying that you are any of those). A bit of guilt is always good. lol.
Hope it all works out. x
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A
male
reader, tallbloke +, writes (4 January 2007):
tallbloke is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI should have added that she has said in the past she doesn't show her feelings. I guess she's been hurt many times if she has gone for blokes who don't commit or who don't show their feelings & this is probably a coping mechanism. Her affections and constant hugging in the bedroom to me seemed like her way of showing she really liked me, but I fear that even that isn't so :( Perhaps she just needs physical contact with someone.
I did wonder if perhaps she was letting me make all the moves for fear of looking too keen herself for fear of rejection but I'm beginning to doubt that now too :( Gutted
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A
male
reader, tallbloke +, writes (4 January 2007):
tallbloke is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI should have added that she has said in the past she doesn't show her feelings. I guess she's been hurt many times if she has gone for blokes who don't commit or who don't show their feelings & this is probably a coping mechanism.
I did wonder if perhaps she was letting me make all the moves for fear of looking too keen herself for fear of rejection but I'm beginning to doubt that now.
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A
male
reader, tallbloke +, writes (4 January 2007):
tallbloke is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess you're right vina, I haven't exactly got much to lose because I can't go on thinking what I'm thinking and still see her, it's eating me up.
I just don't know how to go about it as if he is just a very good friend and somehow I've got it all wrong then it's going to make me look really foolish and could ruin something potentially special. If there is one thing that turns women off you it's looking insecure.
I had thought of saying something along the lines of:
"Look, I really like you but I have to ask, do you have feelings for your friend? I've seen the way you look at him and how your eyes follow him around the room. If you have then that's fine, I'll move on. Please be honest with me, I deserve that, afterall I've treated you with nothing but respect."
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A
female
reader, vina_101 +, writes (4 January 2007):
As a woman, when I'm going out with a guy and if I really like him he gets my undivided attention and I will only have eyes for him and I will want to spend as much time alone with that guy as we both can stand. So to me it seems like she doesn't really care for you as much as she should and you are better off without her. If you feel you are setting yourself up for a fall then you probably are.
But if you really want to be with her then discuss it with her, tell her how you feel and ask her why she's so keen on her male friend over you. Maybe there is a good reason behind it? You'll never know if you don't ask.
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A
male
reader, tallbloke +, writes (4 January 2007):
tallbloke is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for that.
I feel that I should talk to her about it but I wouldn't know where to start! If I said the wrong thing it would ruin it for sure.
If there's one thing that women seem to run a mile from it's insecure men!!!
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A
female
reader, Miss trust +, writes (3 January 2007):
 Well, this sure is tricky.
I don't believe that this woman is right for you. It may seem harsh but if she is giving other men attention, it doesn't exactly bode well with your relationship.
Either that or she is trying to make you jealous by putting her interests in someone else. By doing this she is ensuring you cling onto her a lot more. Trust me she is a girl!!!
Also the problem that she hasnt been with anyone longer than 9 months seems a bit odd especially at her age. However, all people change so maybe she is in it for the long haul? or maybe she is in it for just a romance who knows.
In honesty you have to decide for yourself if you want to carry on with this woman or if you want to find someone else who you connect with more and whose attention isnt going to wander :)
hope you all the best
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